Dating Houston j Ray Whitney

VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90's Rate!

2020.09.02 18:00 steelstepladder VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90's Rate!

Intro Please Watch

Remember when VH1 played music retrospectives around the clock? I sure do and I miss it terribly. If you weren't around for the series at it's peak, it's easy to miss how great these specials were. Just by looking at some of their lists at face value the order of the songs could be a little wonky to say the least, even if the spots were chosen by votes. But when you step back from the specifics and look at the big picture, you would get an extremely diverse and thorough crash course into the trends and music of the time. You'd get the indie darlings, the headlining acts, the flashes in the pans, the award winners, and the novelty acts all in one. It's better to not think of their lists as statements of overall quality, but more as the definitive songs that created the soundtrack of the decade. If you don't know much about a particular genre or decade of music, their lists are an incredible first step into discovering so much great music. Me and my lovely cohost u/pearllouise will be hosting this great look into the past where we will be rating their greatest songs of the 90's list! From TRL pop to gangsta rap to grunge it's all here! Throw on some flannel to get into the mood because things are about to get totally tubular!

A brief history of the series

VH1 started their "The Greatest" series in 2002 when they counted down the 100 sexiest artists of all time (number one was Madonna, of course it was Madonna). The early specials were not really what they would be known for as they still had a bit of time before they found their groove. Mostly the earlier episodes would be more along the lines of "50 Greatest Teen Idols" and "100 Most Outrageous Celebrity Moments" and stuff like that. Early "The Greatest" episodes did have their moments like their list of hard rock bands, but when I see people talk about their favorite countdowns I mostly see people bring up the late 2000's episodes. The first decade end retrospective came out in 2006 when the counted down the 100 Greatest Songs of the 80's and this was the first time I stumbled upon the series and I immediately fell in love. The series would continue on this trend with 90's and 00's retrospectives as well as counting down the greatest one hit wonders of both the 80's and the 90's.
Luckily enough for us, somebody was kind enough to upload almost the entire"100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 80's" special onto Youtube so if you're curious to see what they were like feel free to check that out. If you don't want to watch, imagine 100 bite sized One Hit Wonderland episodes by Todd in the Shadows and you kind of get the idea. As a matter of fact Todd has mentioned in the past that the specials were influential on his content and the phrase "One Hit Wonderland" is actually mentioned several times throughout the 80's retrospective. Most of the series has unfortunately been lost to time which makes it all the more important that we look back at one of the most popular countdowns they did, and rerank all the songs in Popheads image.

The 100 Greatest Songs of the 90's

In 2007 VH1 released their Greatest Songs of the 90's special. These are the songs we will be rating.
  1. Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit
  2. U2 – One
  3. Backstreet Boys – I Want It That Way
  4. Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You
  5. Madonna – Vogue
  6. Sir Mix-A-Lot – Baby Got Back
  7. Britney Spears – …Baby One More Time
  8. TLC – Waterfalls
  9. R.E.M. – Losing My Religion
  10. Sinéad O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U
  11. Pearl Jam – Jeremy
  12. Alanis Morissette – You Oughta Know
  13. Dr. Dre (Feat. Snoop Doggy Dogg) – Nuthin but a G Thang
  14. Mariah Carey – Vision of Love
  15. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Under the Bridge
  16. MC Hammer – U Cant Touch This
  17. Destiny’s Child – Say My Name
  18. Metallica – Enter Sandman
  19. Beastie Boys – Sabotage
  20. Hanson – MMMBop
  21. Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On
  22. Beck – Loser
  23. Salt-N-Pepa with En Vogue – Whatta Man
  24. House of Pain – Jump Around
  25. Soundgarden – Black Hole Sun
  26. Eminem – My Name Is
  27. Counting Crows – Mr. Jones
  28. Ricky Martin – Livin la Vida Loca
  29. Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby
  30. *NSYNC – Tearin Up My Heart
  31. Radiohead – Creep
  32. BLACKstreet – No Diggity
  33. Spice Girls – Wannabe
  34. Third Eye Blind – Semi-Charmed Life
  35. Oasis – Wonderwall
  36. C+C Music Factory – Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)
  37. Green Day – Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
  38. Christina Aguilera – Genie In A Bottle
  39. Goo Goo Dolls – Iris
  40. Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up
  41. Spin Doctors – Two Princes
  42. Collective Soul – Shine
  43. En Vogue – My Lovin' (You’re Never Gonna Get It)
  44. The Fugees – Killing Me Softly With His Song
  45. Hootie & the Blowfish – Only Wanna Be With You
  46. Shania Twain – Youre Still the One
  47. Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch – Good Vibrations
  48. Matchbox Twenty – 3 AM
  49. Jewel – Who Will Save Your Soul
  50. Alice in Chains – Man in the Box
  51. Tupac (Feat. Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman) – California Love
  52. Sugar Ray – Fly
  53. Naughty by Nature – O.P.P.
  54. Joan Osborne – One of Us
  55. Fiona Apple – Criminal
  56. L.L. Cool J – Mama Said Knock You Out
  57. Jay-Z featuring Amil and Ja Rule – Can I Get A…
  58. Sophie B. Hawkins – Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
  59. Weezer – Buddy Holly
  60. Bell Biv DeVoe – Poison
  61. Sheryl Crow – All I Wanna Do
  62. Live – I Alone
  63. The Notorious B.I.G. (Feat. Mase & Puff Daddy) – Mo Money Mo Problems
  64. The Presidents of the United States of America – Peaches
  65. Digital Underground – The Humpty Dance
  66. Edwin McCain – Ill Be
  67. Deee-Lite – Groove Is In The Heart
  68. Will Smith – Gettin Jiggy Wit It
  69. Korn – Freak on a Leash
  70. Jamiroquai – Virtual Insanity
  71. Arrested Development – Tennessee
  72. Barenaked Ladies – One Week
  73. Marcy Playground – Sex and Candy
  74. Cher – Believe
  75. Kris Kross – Jump
  76. Blues Traveler – Run-Around
  77. Ice Cube – It Was a Good Day
  78. Lenny Kravitz – Are You Gonna Go My Way
  79. Meredith Brooks – Bitch
  80. Right Said Fred – I'm Too Sexy
  81. Paula Cole – I Don't Want to Wait
  82. Geto Boys – Mind Playing Tricks on Me
  83. The Breeders – Cannonball
  84. Snow – Informer
  85. Cypress Hill – Insane In The Brain
  86. The Cranberries – Linger
  87. Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart
  88. Duncan Sheik – Barely Breathing
  89. Liz Phair – Never Said
  90. New Radicals – You Get What You Give
  91. Sarah McLachlan – Building a Mystery
  92. Public Enemy – 911 Is A Joke
  93. Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories – Stay
  94. Fastball – The Way
  95. Montell Jordan – This is How We Do It
  96. Nelson – (Cant Live Without Your) Love and Affection
  97. Prince & The New Power Generation – Gett Off
  98. EMF – Unbelievable
  99. Missy "Misdemeanor” Elliott – The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)
  100. Gerardo – Rico Suave

Bonus Rate

We also have an optional bonus rate of a few 90's songs that we felt deserve recognition. Some of these were songs given by VH1 that you could vote on but missed the cut, where as others are important products of their time that we felt deserved some form of representation.
  1. Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet
  2. The Cure - Friday I'm In Love
  3. Foo Fighters - Everlong
  4. Genuwine - Pony
  5. Green Jelly - Three Little Pigs
  6. LFO - Summer Girls
  7. No Doubt - Just a Girl
  8. Portishead - Glory Box
  9. Pulp - Common People
  10. Sublime - Santeria
Here are the rules that I mostly copy and pasted from the disco rate on how to submit scores.
Korn - Freak On a Leash: 3 I prefer my freaks to be free range
That is THE ONLY WAY to properly form comments. Here are some incorrect examples
The Presidents of the United States of America – Peaches 5 Got pears in animal crossing. Still salty
Sinéad O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U: I'm giving this song a 2 because there's a 2 in the title
*NSYNC – Tearin Up My Heart: (1) Man of the Woods really tore up my heart JUSTIN

Okay now, here's where things get a little funky so even if you've participated in rates before please read!!!



Last thing is HERE is the link to the spotify playlist and HERE is apple music's playlist!!!

Turn on some Ren and Stimpy, get out your beanie babies, and fill out a ballot It's time to get radical!!
Be sure to participate in last month's rates!
submitted by steelstepladder to popheads [link] [comments]

2020.05.25 17:07 cooklanbrahh Song Stems Megathread #1 [Acapellas and Instrumentals}

SongStemLeaks has all your latest and popular official studio song stems and acapellas for remix packs and bootlegs. Leave a comment or send a private message if you have any requests for song stems.
Download here :

List of songs below
1 1
1 5 
2 3
2 21 
3 2
1 7 
4 8
4 7 
5 5
4 14 
6 9
3 9 
7 7
1 25 
8 4
4 2 
9 10
8 3 
10 6
6 2 
11 11
6 8 
12 12
3 11 
13 17
13 15 
14 14
14 21 
15 24
15 6 
16 13
1 20 
17 18
7 24 
18 15
9 8 
19 20
19 15 
20 22
20 9 
21 19
15 17 
22 21
1 42 
23 16
6 4 
24 31
24 12 
25 29
25 10 
26 23
11 4 
27 32
20 21 
28 27
4 17 
29 26
2 29 
30 43
30 4 
31 25
3 16 
32 34
12 8 
33 30
10 3 
34 53
34 3 
35 Re
17 15 
36 36
9 15 
37 New
37 1 
38 37
1 73 
39 38
17 9 
40 33
20 5 
41 56
41 5 
42 45
1 27 
43 New
43 1 
44 41
1 127 
45 35
22 18 
46 44
44 8 
47 63
47 5 
48 28
1 5 
49 40
40 3 
50 39
9 39 
51 46
8 15 
52 42
14 4 
53 48
10 12 
54 51
51 9 
55 52
1 26 
56 61
52 8 
57 50
18 11 
58 54
2 20 
59 New
59 1 
60 74
3 19 
61 57
21 13 
62 58
2 22 
63 47
26 4 
64 59
49 8 
65 New
65 1 
66 66
14 19 
67 68
5 35 
68 60
42 3 
69 69
53 7 
70 67
51 9 
71 73
2 60 
72 77
6 45 
73 49
49 2 
74 71
42 6 
75 New
75 1 
76 72
72 2 
77 75
1 40 
78 New
78 1 
79 78
5 12 
80 82
2 40 
81 New
81 1 
82 New
82 1 
83 76
12 19 
84 80
1 106 
85 New
85 1 
86 83
3 38 
87 81
27 15 
88 84
2 44 
89 62
PAIN 1993
PAIN 1993
17 3 
90 94
36 14 
91 New
91 1 
92 88
1 18 
93 90
10 227 
94 89
1 39 
95 New
95 1 
96 New
96 1 
97 91
7 42 
98 100
1 70 
99 65
65 2 
100 Re
6 54 
submitted by cooklanbrahh to SongStemLeakzz [link] [comments]

2020.02.11 18:04 Rcfan0902 Introducing the 2nd annual /r/CFB Civilization Battle Royale!

Ladies, Gentlemen, fans of college football everywhere, welcome back to the second annual /CFB Civilization Battle Royale! The event where you can watch your favorite teams duke it out for a shot at virtual domination! For those of you who missed last year's Battle Royale, here are all of the previous rounds for you to catch up on and enjoy:
Week Conference Week Conference
Week 1 AAC Week 7 MAC
Week 2 ACC Week 8 Mountain West
Week 3 Big 10 Week 9 PAC-12
Week 4 Big XII Week 10 SEC
Week 5 C-USA Week 11 Sun Belt
Week 6 Independents Week 12 Finale

The rules are simple:

  1. All 130 FBS schools will be participating
  2. All schools will be controlled by an A.I. There will be no human influence in the outcome of a match
  3. Domination victory only
  4. FCS teams will act as City States (Conference tie-ins to be announced later)
  5. Each Conference will play one full game until there is a single conference champion left standing. Conferences will be done in alphabetical order.
  6. After all conferences have a single champion, a final championship game will be played to determine a national champion
Extra Tidbits

And now, the teams!

All of the teams' information is relatively unchanged from last year. The new coaches have been changed out, but I might have missed a few so please let me know if you see something wrong. All of the unique units and buildings are still the same, but if you can think of something that's a better fit for your school please feel free to let me know!


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Cincinnati Luke Fickell Nippert Stadium The Bearcat Crosley Tower
ECU Mike Houston Dowdy-Ficklen Stadium PeeDee Pirate Queen Annes Revenge Research Lab
Houston Dana Holgorsen TDECU Stadium Shasta Sasha
Memphis Ryan Silverfield Liberty Bowl Stadium Pouncer Tom the Tiger
Navy Ken Niumatalolo Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium Bill the Goat Admiral Michael M. Gilday
SMU Sonny Dykes Gerald J. Ford Stadium Peruna Dallas Hall
Temple Rod Carey Lincoln Financial Field Hooter T. Owl Stella
Tulane Willie Fritz Yulman Stadium Riptide Angry Wave
Tulsa Philip Montgomery H.A. Chapman Stadium Captain Cane Goldie
UCF Josh Heupel Spectrum Stadium Knightro The Citronaut
USF Jeff Scott Raymond James Stadium Rocky Pirate Ship


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Boston College Jeff Hafley Alumni Stadium Baldwin The Jesuits
Clemson Dabo Swinney Clemson Memorial Stadium 8-Ball the Tiger Country Gentleman
Duke David Cutcliffe Wallace Wade Stadium Blue Devil Cameron Indoor Stadium
Florida State Mike Norvell Doak S. Campbell Stadium Osceola Renegade
Georgia Tech Geoff Collins Bobby Dodd Stadium Buzz Ramblin Wreck
Louisville Scott Satterfield Cardinal Stadium Louie Johnny Unitas
Miami Manny Diaz Hard Rock Stadium Sebastian Miami Maniac
NC State Dave Doeren Carter-Finley Stadium Mr. and Mrs. Wuff Tuffy
North Carolina Mack Brown. Kenan Memorial Stadium Ramses Old Well
Pittsburgh Pat Narduzzi Heinz Field Roc Cathedral of Learning
Syracuse Dino Babers Carrier Dome Otto the Orange The 44
Virginia Bronco Mendenhall Scott Stadium Cav Man Thomas Jefferson
Virginia Tech Justin Fuente Lane Stadium Gobbler Hokie Stone
Wake Forest Dave Clawson BB&T Stadium Demon Deacon Wait Chapel


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Illinois Lovie Smith Memorial Stadium Galloping Ghost Alma Otter
Indiana Tom Allen The Rock Mark Cuban Lil' 500
Iowa Kirk Ferentz Kinnick Stadium Herky Vodka Samm
Maryland Mike Locksley Maryland Stadium Testudo Scott Van Pelt
Michigan Jim Harbaugh The Big House Biff Michigan Man
Michigan State Mel Tucker Spartan Stadium Sparty Beaumont Tower
Minnesota P.J. Fleck TCF Bank Stadium Goldy Paul Bunyan
Nebraska Scott Frost Nebraska Memorial Stadium Herbie Husker Blackshirts
Northwestern Pat Fitzgerald Ryan Field Willie the Wildcat The Rock
Ohio State Ryan Day The Horseshoe Brutus Silver Bullets
Penn State James Franklin Beaver Stadium Nittany Lion Ole Coaly
Purdue Jeff Brohm. Ross-Ade Stadium Purdue Pete Boilermaker Special VII
Rutgers Greg Schiano Stadium Scarlet Knight Chanticleer
Wisconsin Paul Chryst Camp Randall Stadium Bucky Badger Dairy Farm


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Baylor Dave Aranda McLane Stadium Bruiser Dr. Pepper Hour Club
Iowa State Matt Campbell Jack Trice Stadium Cy VEISHEA Village
Kansas Les Miles David Booth Kansas Memorial Stadium Big Jay Baby Jay
Kansas State Chris Klieman Bill Snyder Family Stadium Willie the Wildcat EcoKat
Oklahoma Lincoln Riley Oklahoma Memorial Stadium Sooner Schooner Jim Ross
Oklahoma State Mike Gundy Boone Pickens Stadium Pistol Pete Bullet
TCU Gary Patterson Amon G. Carter Stadium Super Frog Clark Brothers
Texas Tom Herman Texas Memorial Stadium Bevo Matthew McConaughey
Texas Tech Matt Wells Jones AT&T Stadium The Masked Rider Matadors
West Virginia Neal Brown Milan Puskar Stadium The Mountaineer Flaming Couches


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Charlotte Will Healy Jerry Richardson Stadium Norm The Niner Normbulance
FAU Willie Taggart FAU Stadium Owlsly Taylor Victory Bell
FIU Butch Davis Ricardo Silva Stadium Roary Wall of Wind
Louisiana Tech Skip Holtz Joe Aillet Stadium Champ Tech XII
Marshall Doc Holliday Joan C. Edwards Stadium Marco Memorial Fountain
Middle Tennessee State Rick Stockstill Johnny Floyd Stadium Lightning Blue Raiders
North Texas Seth Littrell Apogee Stadium Scrappy Mean Green Machine
Old Dominion Ricky Rahne S.B. Ballard Stadium Big Blue Howitzer Cannon
Rice Mike Bloomgren Rice Stadium Sammy the Owl MOB
Southern Miss Jay Hopson M.M. Roberts Stadium Seymour d'Campus All American Rose Garden
UAB Bill Clark Legion Field Blaze The Vulcan
UTEP Dana Dimel Sun Bowl Stadium Paydirt Pete Miners
UTSA Jeff Traylor Alamodome Rowdy Sombrilla Fountain
Western Kentucky Tyson Helton L.T. Smith Stadium Big Red The Hill


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Army Jeff Monken Michie Stadium Army Mules General Mark A. Milley
BYU Kalani Sitake LaVell Edwards Stadium Cosmo Latter-Day Saints
Connecticut Randy Edsall Pratt and Whitney Stadium Jonathan Husky Big Red
Liberty Hugh Freeze Arthur L. Williams Stadium Sparky Jerry Falwell
Massachusetts Walt Bell Warren McGuirk Alumni Stadium Sam W.E.B. Du Bois Library
New Mexico State Doug Martin Aggie Memorial Stadium Pistol Pete "A" Mountain
Notre Dame Brian Kelly Notre Dame Stadium Leprechaun Four Horsemen


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Akron Tom Arth InfoCision Stadium Zippy AK Rowdies
Ball State Mike Neu Scheumann Stadium Charlie Cardinal Frog Baby Statue
Bowling Green Scot Loeffler Doyt L. Perry Stadium Freddie and Frieda Sic Sic
Buffalo Lance Leipold UB Stadium Victor E. Bull True Blue
Central Michigan Jim McElwain Kelly Shorts Stadium Fighting Chips Chippewa Marching Band
Eastern Michigan Chris Creighton Rynearson Stadium Swoop Emu Army
Kent State Sean Lewis Dix Stadium Flash Ray's Place
Miami OH Chuck Martin Fred C. Yager Stadium Swoop Mac and Joes
NIU Thomas Hancock Huskie Stadium Victor E. Husky William the Goose
Ohio Frank Solich Peden Stadium Rufus Marching 110
Toledo Jason Candle Glass Bowl Rocky The Rocket
Western Michigan Tim Lester Waldo Stadium Buster Bronco Bell's Brewery


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Air Force Troy Calhoun Falcon Stadium The Bird Gen. David L. Goldfein
Boise State Bryan Harsin Albertsons Stadium Buster Bronco Cowboy Kohl
Colorado State Steve Addazio Canvas Stadium Cam the Ram Old Main Bell Tower
Fresno State Kalen DeBoer Bulldog Stadium Timeout Red Wave
Hawai'i Todd Graham Aloha Stadium Vili Rainbow Warrior
Nevada Jay Norvell Mackay Stadium Alphie Lieutenant Dangle
New Mexico Danny Gonzales Dreamstyle Stadium Lobo Fiesta Balloons
San Diego State Brady Hoke SDCCU Stadium Montezuma Aztec Warrior
San Jose State Brent Brennan CEFCU Stadium Sammy the Spartan Spartan Squad
UNLV Marcus Arroyo Sam Boyd Stadium Hey Reb Fremont Cannon
Utah State Gary Anderson Maverik Stadium Big Blue Night Runner
Wyoming Craig Bohl War Memorial Stadium Cowboy Joe Steamboat


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Arizona Kevin Sumlin Arizona Stadium Wilbur Wildcat Mirror Lab
Arizona State Herm Edwards Sun Devil Stadium Sparky Bees of Innovation
California Justin Wilcox. California Memorial Stadium Oski Golf Cart
Colorado Karl Dorrell Folsom Field Ralphie Chip
Oregon Mario Cristobal Autzen Stadium The Duck Robo Duck
Oregon State Jonathan Smith Reser Stadium Benny Beaver V Oceanus
Stanford David Shaw Stanford Stadium Stanford Tree Stanford Band
UCLA Chip Kelly Rose Bowl Stadium Joe Bruin Josephine Bruin
USC Clay Helton Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum Traveler Tommy Trojan
Utah Kyle Wittingham Rice-Eccles Stadium Swoop Ute Thunder
Washington Jimmy Lake Husky Stadium Dubs Boys in the Boat
Washington State Nick Rolovich Martin Stadium Butch T. Cougar Popcorn Guy


School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Alabama Nick Saban Bryant-Denny Stadium Big Al Denny Chimes
Arkansas Sam Pittman Donald W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium Tusk Track Team
Auburn Gus Malzahn Jordan-Hare Stadium Aubie War Eagle
Florida Dan Mullen Ben Hill Griffin Stadium Albert and Alberta Mr Two Bits
Georgia Kirby Smart Sanford Stadium Uga H8 Ball
Kentucky Mark Stoops Kroger Field Scratch Bourbon Distillery
LSU Ed Orgeron Death Valley Mike the Tiger Raising Cane's
Mississippi State Mike Leach Davis Wade Stadium Bully MAFES Sales Store
Missouri Eli Drinkwitz Memorial Stadium Truman The Columns
Ole Miss Lane Kiffin Vaught-Hemingway Stadium Tony Landshark Colonel Reb
South Carolina Will Muschamp Williams-Brice Stadium Cocky Cockaboose
Tennessee Jeremy Pruitt Neyland Stadium Smokey The Volunteer
Texas A&M Jimbo Fisher Kyle Field Reveille 12th Man
Vanderbilt Derek Mason Vanderbilt Stadium Mr. C Cornelius Vanderbilt

Sun Belt

School Leader Capital Unique Unit 1 Unique Unit 2
Appalachian State Shawn Clark Kidd Brewer Stadium Yosef The Big House
Arkansas State Blake Anderson Centennial Bank Stadium Howl Clyde Statue
Coastal Carolina Jamey Chadwell Brooks Stadium Chauncey The Athenaeum
Georgia Southern Chad Lunsford Allen E. Paulson Stadium Freedom Beautiful Eagle Creek
Georgia State Shawn Elliott Georgia State Stadium Pounce Aderhold Cat
Louisiana Lafayette Billy Napier Cajun Field Cayenne Krewe of Roux
Louisiana Monroe Matt Viator Malone Stadium Ace Bayou DeSiard
South Alabama Steve Campbell Hancock Whitney Stadium Southpaw Mischka
Texas State Jake Spavital Bobcat Stadium Boko Bubble Guy
Troy Chip Lindsey Vetrans Memorial Stadium T-Roy Terracotta Warrior
I have a Google spreadsheet with all of the information here (minus the icons) plus a little bit more. You can find the spreadsheet here

When does this start?

The tournament is going to start June 2nd! Each round will be streamed live on Twitch every Tuesday around 8PM EST until a champion is declared (or until it gets too late and the round will be paused until the next day). Screenshots will be taken throughout the round and compiled into a photo album that I will narrate and post on here the following Saturday. This start date will take this event all the way up until the week before the 2020 college football season!

Where the hell are the mods!?

After the last Battle Royale, a lot of people were asking me about releasing these team mods for everyone to play with. I just want to let you all know that I still plan on releasing them! I've had a very busy fall/winter and haven't had as much time as I thought to finalize all of the mods for release, but I am working through all of them slowly but surely to get them out to everybody. Who knew that 130 different mods would be so difficult? I'm not going to set any hard dates for release, but I am going to work as hard as I can to get all of the mods finalized and released leading up to the event. I'll probably release them one conference at a time as I get them finalized, and I'll be sure to make a post on here announcing when each one is released. I'm sorry it's taken so long, but they are coming out soon!

In closing

I had so much fun doing this last year with all of you and I can't wait to do it all again. I want this event to be something that everyone can enjoy and be a part of together, so all input and feedback is appreciated. I had said at the end of the event last year that I was going to do a post-game analysis for the event, but I never actually got around to making that post. So if you have anything that you can remember from the last event that you thought worked or didn't work, or if you just want to talk about your favorite moments, please feel free to let me know. I'll be back in a few weeks with updates, but until then...

Let's Get Ready To Rumble!

submitted by Rcfan0902 to CFB [link] [comments]

2019.11.25 07:28 Rocknocker Demolition Days, Part 54

Did I mention all Aeroflot pilots are military? Well, they are and they must think they’re still in a MiG-31 fighter. Never before have I actually pulled lateral G’s lifting off from an airport. The pilot anchored that left wingtip over some stationary geographic marker and pushed that plane for all it could deliver. Once we rotated some 300 degrees, we snap rolled laterally horizontal, the nose pointed due up, and aimed for Angel’s Eleven.
After a few minutes, we suddenly snapped back to true 3-dimensional horizontal. We were at cruising altitude and speed. You may mill around the aircraft and let your kids go nuts now.
The stewardess comes by with a cart and asks if I would like anything.
“A glass, some ice, and thorazine, if you have any,” I replied.
She had the first two, I was out of luck with the tranquilizer.
“Ah, well” I chewed it over, “Good thing I’ve brought my own.”
It’s a 4.5 or 5-hour flight to Krasnoyarsk. I’ll have to ration my supplies carefully. I only brought the 1.75 liter bottle.
I relight my cigar and surprisingly, no one pulled a C. Everett Koop on me. In fact, most everyone on the flight was smoking. I was nothing unusual to this batch of travelers.
Without my usual citrus compliment, I managed to procure a few bottles of Novosibirsk Anchor beer. Very nice. It complemented the wood varnish-like harshness of the domestic vodka I had purchased.
“Real” Stolichnaya was for export only, I found out later.
Over the flight, I made several new friends. Once they got past my Stetson and Hawaiian shirt, they figured me as just another loopy foreigner. Although, I was a loopy foreigner that spoke fair Russian, and was liberal in his disbursement of vodka and cigars.
They even all laughed at my “We’re having an airborne Communist Party” joke. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the KGB was waiting for me at the arrivals gate.
They weren’t but some of my comrades from the Houston trip were. I received special attention through deplaning and off to baggage claim. No passport control or customs here.
What the hell could they do? Send you to Siberia?
Out to a lavish arrival dinner, we were whisked. I would have preferred a little downtime and a shower, but, whatever. It was a long ordeal as I met with many important people here in Siberia. I had to take notes to keep all the names straight. There was a huge arrival dinner, many, many toasts and lots of jokes over hopes for future projects in the near future.
One people, one mind.
I was taken to the hotel, which was a still-functioning “party” hotel. It was designed for functionaries in the Communist Party. Lately though, it had been press-ganged into service for visiting foreigners. It was weirdly opulent, in that bizarre way only Russia could offer.
Since it was winter, and we were farther north, it was pitch black all day. But we wouldn’t let a little thing like that stand in our way. We had to travel some 350 kilometers north to the town of Yeniseysk, where the oil company had its home office. We had the option of driving or flying. I said I’d prefer to fly. It’d be quicker.
The next morning, I’m out on the tarmac, standing next to a huge Russian helicopter. It was one of the 15 or so the Siberian oil company had received from the government fresh from the just abandoned fighting fields of Afghanistan. The helicopter was a Mil Mi-26, or what was referred to as The Hind. Twin-engines, 8-bladed rotor, this thing could literally carry a tank. Today, it was just passengers, luggage, and necessary Arctic survival gear.
We flew due north towards the town of Yeniseysk. Along the way, we received word the hotel there was already occupied by some other faction, so we were diverted slightly north to the quaint little burg of Lesosibirsk.
We arrived, literally landing in the courtyard of the Lesosibirsk hotel. It all worked out as tomorrow, this same helicopter would be ferrying us further north to inspect the drilling rig. Get some rest, we’re wheels-up at 0600.
The hotel in town was absolutely ancient, but well insulated and comfortable. I needed a shower and some shut-eye as jet lag was playing silly buggers with my circadian rhythms. I begged off another dinner here and instead opted for an evening in, sans carousing. I didn’t think there was much carousable in this quaint, little, and distant frozen burg.
The bathtub in the en suite bathroom was a huge, old four-footed cast-iron monstrosity; big enough to take laps in. I filled that sucker with the thermonuclear water from the town’s central steam plant and just soaked there for hours. I oozed my way to the too-short bed and slept the sleep of the jet-lagged righteous.
The next morning, after being outfitted in the best Russian Arctic survival gear, we were shuffled onto the helicopter from last night and spot on 0600 hours, were wheels up heading even farther north.
400 kilometers later, we’re at the rig. The lone caretaker had shoveled off the helicopter landing pad so the blizzard we kicked up was only moderate. We are seriously north. Just below, but not by much, the Arctic Circle.
The caretaker accompanied us with a huge Russian exposed-hammer shotgun. There were all kinds of winter nasties out here and he was here to ensure that we all came back from our trek out to the rig. We spent around 4 hours on the not-terribly-well lighted rig, taking pictures and getting pertinent questions answered. This was the rig that, if all went according to plan, would be drilling our first Joint Venture well.
Back in the caretaker’s shack, he made certain to offer each of us some “Birch Cancer Tea”, which was supposed to be the end all of all cure-alls. It’ll fix anything that’s wrong, and prevent anything from going wrong. Odd flavor, but one could easily get used to it.
We had to get back as the helicopter was slated for other duties the next day. I left the caretaker with a few cigars. He insisted I take a kilo of birch cancer dry tea with me so I could brew some up for all back home.
We flew back to Lesosibirsk and once again, landed in the hotel courtyard. They made certain that I knew that I could keep all the Russian survival gear. It was either out of concern that I was not terribly bright and didn’t know cold could kill you or it was to cover up my horrible Hawaiian shirt.
We spent the next four days at the Eniseigeofizika office, going over particulars of the well, the rig, and the Joint Venture. I met with the Chief of the company, Dr. Naftavaje Radovišča, who was extremely helpful in deciphering and adding to the mass of data I’ve collected. Another dossier went into my field book.
I had maxed out on data and realized I needed to get to a phone and call home.
This would have to wait until I returned to Moscow. International connections out here in the bush were very limited and very rare.
Then disaster. They ran out of fuel at the Yeniseysk airport. It would take at least two or three more days to get fuel enough to fly back to Moscow. I told them that this was not really convenient. What were our alternatives? Could we try another, larger airport?
It was decided to commandeer a bus and drive the 350 kilometers to Krasnoyarsk. They were a regional hub and if anyone had fuel, it would be them.
The next day and a half was spent in a barely controlled skid from Lesosibirsk south to Krasnoyarsk. The bus carried two drivers, six Siberians, Gizmo the translator, one confused American, and cases of beer, vodka, and cognac. I think there was some food in there as well, never did find out. All our luggage followed us in a trailer that looked to be a recently converted horse trailer. It smelled like one as well.
The ‘road’ could barely qualify as an intershire turnpath. We had to stop several times to clear snowdrifts from the roadway to allow us passage. We did stop every hour or so to stretch our legs and liberally irrigate the scenery. My comrades complained about the howling wind and -450 C temperatures. I wanted to hang around outside as the bus was heated to bread-baking temperatures.
Back on the road again, I decided I wanted something a little different. I broke out my last bottle of Wild Turkey 101 Rye Whiskey. The bus grew silent. None of these characters have ever before sampled something so unusual. Besides, our vodka and beer supply was dwindling.
Say what you want about Russians and their capacities, but the Wild Turkey poleaxed every single one of them. They were all snoring before the bottle completed a second pass around.
I snorted something derisive and went up to chat with the driver and see if I could arrange for a pit stop. It was so hot in there, I was sweating. I probably should have bundled up some more, but I just stood outside in the Siberian outback, reveling in the cold, ice, and snow.
It was refreshing.
Since the rest of the crew was out for the count, the driver made an unscheduled stop in some nameless Siberian village. He resupplied our beer and vodka, found some fresh bread, smoked fish, and oddly enough, kilos of local chocolate. Another hour later and the bus began to stir once again. I asked if they wanted another snort of my dangerous brown liquor and everyone refused.
We finally careen into Krasnoyarsk, and we’re back at the Party Hotel. I just had my bags taken to my room. I sat outside in a down vest, Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, and field boots smoking a cigar and appreciating the -400 C weather. I had to relieve myself of all that heat from the bus trip.
The next day, Vadim, the Manager of the Siberian company with whom we were to construct the JV with told me some disturbing news. We couldn’t fly directly to Moscow due to weather. We could, however, divert to Elista, the capital of Kalmykia, in the Caucuses. From there, we could secure a flight directly to Moscow he assured me.
Rather than sit in Siberia waiting on a load of fuel to arrive, I decided that I’d make the trip to Kalmykia. Hell, it was better than sitting on my elbows here doing nothing but waiting.
I dispensed all the cigarettes, hams, and remaining calculators to my new comrades before Vadim and I departed. They were ready for me this time, as I took receipt of six different Russian military watches. Little did they realize this was the beginning of a huge collection to come.
We flew to Elista, Kalmykia, near Chechnya and Dagestan in the Caucuses. It seemed such an oddly specific request by Vadim, but he would know better than I how this was all supposed to work. We made it there in great time, and being further south, it we could actually see the sun.
He had arranged for our luggage to be picked up. When we arrived, he shuttled us off in a government vehicle. I grew slightly concerned.
“Vadim” I asked, “What’s the deal? Why are we leaving the airport?”
“Doctor, I am sorry for the subterfuge”, he said, “As you have surmised already, I do have ulterior motives.”
Not exactly what you want to hear when you’re over 10,000 miles from home and a stranger in a very strange land.
We wheel into a fairly plush sort of walled building complex. Vadim explains that he wants me to meet with the Head of the Republic of Kalmykia – one Vicktor Basanov.
I raise an eyebrow, “Why?”
He explains that Kalmykia is an autonomous republic, and as such is included in a ‘Free Market Zone’. Although they officially report to Moscow and are part of the Soviet Union, they can see what’s going to happen. They want to start now to establish projects and deals with Western companies. Particularly Western oil companies.
“Oh,” I say, relieved, “Why didn’t you say so? Why all the chicanery?”
“We still have many enemies, internal and external. I need to know whom I can trust. Doctor Rock, you I can trust.” He says emphatically.
“That you can, Vadim” I reply, “Just next time, clue me in before kidnapping me.”
We both chuckle over that as we are escorted into the palace of the Head of the Republic of Kalmykia.
We are warmly greeted. Vadim has obviously been busy with something other than just the Siberian oil industry.
Mr. Basanov greets me in particular, saying how he’s heard of my exploits and even compliments me on my fashion sense. If this isn’t pump-priming, it’s the prelude to butter-balling. He wants a Western oil deal so bad he can taste it.
Now, Kalmykia is a relatively small country, with around 250,000 population. Interestingly enough Kalmykia is the only region in Europe where Buddhism is the most-practiced religion. It produces oil and gas, but therein lies the tale. Its annual oil production is only about 50,000 metric tonnes. However, that oil is metalliferous and very, very waxy.
He walks us through Kalmyk oil industry history and shows us samples of the crude produced. I’m taking furious notes and asking innumerable questions. Everyone’s all hyped up. This could actually lead somewhere.
Mr. Basanov declares we can only get a limited idea of the potential that lies here in Kalmykia’s oilfields. We need a field trip. Would our schedules allow for such?
“In for a dime, in for a dollar”, I say. Once that’s translated and agreed upon, we’re in a Yak-20 Soviet spotter plane, slowly fighting the fierce Caspian Sea coastal headwinds. I look down to the ground which we are only 100 or so feet above. It’s an absolutely flat coastal plain. Bucking this headwind, I figure as the trees below slowly parade under us, we’re doing about 20 miles per hour, ground speed.
“Would it help if I got out and pushed?” I asked.
Mr. Basanov, in the left-hand seat, looks to me, smiles, and says “It might.”
We all have a good laugh.
We land at a small airfield just adjacent to an even smaller oil field.
We walk from the plane to one of the wells. There are piles and piles of black, gooey glop alongside every wellhead.
I already know what they are, but keep mum as to not spoil Mr. Basanov’s little surprise.
“You know what these are?” he asks, rhetorically. We say nothing.
“They are piles of natural mineral wax. Our oil is cursed with a high degree of both metals and wax. It used to present a huge problem. But we have found a solution!” He beams.
“OK, we’re waiting”, I think to myself.
“What can you make with wax?” he asks.
“Well, there are crayons, sculptures, candles…” we reply.
“That’s it! Exactly. Candles. Now, who has a need for a large supply of candles?” he asks further.
We think but say nothing.
“The Vatican!” he laughs. “They use incredible numbers of candles.”
“Hmmm”, we hmmmed”, “Very interesting.”
“And we have just signed a protocol to supply the Vatican with candles for the next 25 years!” he says triumphantly.
“Fantastic!” we both say, “That’s amazing.” It really was. Making chicken salad out of chicken shit, as it were.
“Not only that”, he continues, “But we have just finished a protocol with the adjacent Republic of Dagestan to have exclusive use of their new refinery. It can handle our crudes, extracting all the metals and supplying diesel, jet fuel, petrol, asphalt…”
“That’s great” we respond.
“Plus, we can sell the nickel, chromium, vanadium and other metals we mine from our crudes.” He says, “It is a veritable…”
“…bird nest on the ground!” I finish his sentence for him.
Mr. Basanov looks at me, smiles widely, and says, “Yes! Exactly! I like that idiom! Thank you, Doctor.”
“My pleasure,” I tell him.
We wander around the fields as I take samples for future analysis back in Houston. Vadim is all excited as he’s somehow in on the ground floor of all this. I’m thinking this could be a company maker for the right company, like the one I work for.
Back in the Yak, we fly back to Elista and Mr. Basanov’s palace. We make great time with the gusting Caspian tailwinds.
We are feted an extravagant banquet. Mostly lamb, rice, shashlik, and fruit. And lots and lots of vodka, beer, and cognac.
I ask questions about the proposed structure of a Joint Venture deal with a Western partner.
“Doctor Rock,” Mr. Basanov says “I want it as simple as possible. A 50/50 JV with a Western partner. For due consideration, they would have access to any and all data. Plus they would have exclusive exploration and production rights to the entire republic. Everything 50/50, right down the line, even the metals sales.”
I am writing furiously. This has all the earmarks of one great deal. Easy access, ports to the south, existing infrastructure, existing production… The Dagestan refinery, metal sales, and Vatican deal are but frosting on a very sweet cake, indeed.
I ask for samples of seismic and well data and it was immediately produced. This could rank right up there with our Siberian dealings. In some ways, it will be with many of the same people.
We are asked to stay the night and accept. We’re visibly tired and I could use a little downtime. An official car is obtained to take us directly to the airport tomorrow for our flight to Moscow. No mucking about in departures, he’ll ensure our seats and ensure our luggage is on the plane before it leaves. We are to go directly from his palace to the plane.
Now that’s VIP treatment.
I don’t know how, but since my schedule’s been all shot to hell and back with the fueling problems, he makes certain I have connections directly to Amsterdam. He wishes he could make certain everything was taken care of all the way to Houston, but his power extends only so far.
We spend the night as his guest and learn not to make idle wishes become known. Vadim wanted a cold beer and the next thing you know, a case appears in his room. I broke my pencil and remarked that next time, I should be certain to pack a sharpener, not just a knife. A gross of sharpened pencils appeared as if by magic.
We are ready to depart when we meet with Mr. Basanov for the final time. We exchange pleasantries and make certain we all have each other’s contact information. Over toasts, we are wished health, happiness, and excellent business dealings.
We are both presented ornate carved wooden boxes as parting gifts. I part with my Ray-Bans in the standard until-we-meet-again departing gesture.
It’s OK, I have a couple of pairs of knock-offs in my well case.
We are whisked to the airport and ushered into the VIP seating on the plane. In three hours, were landing at Domodedovo Airport. We are greeted by an envoy that will gather our luggage.
Mine will be sent to Sheremetyevo Airport, and on to Royal Dutch Airlines. Vadim’s going back to Krasnoyarsk. There’s precious little time, so we shake hands and exchange pleasantries. He heads off to Siberia and I’m hurtling along in an official Kalmykian staff car through the streets of Moscow.
It’s an easy 2.5 hour trip from Domodedovo to Sheremetyevo Airport in Moscow overland. I settle back and ask if I can smoke in here. The driver informs me it is if I so desire.
I fire up a heater and sit back, watching the scenery flash by. My driver fires up an awful Russian cigarette. I offer him a Cuban cigar and he almost wrecks us in his attempt to secret it away. I decide there’s no way I’m facing the rest of this sober, thank you very much, so I dig out my emergency flask. It’s been tapped, but it has enough content for the remainder of the trip.
We arrive at the airport and there’s a courtesy cart waiting for me, with all my luggage. They will be taking me directly to my flight, none of this mucking about in departures…
They hand me my boarding card and go to grab my well case.
“No, that’s OK” I tell him, “I’ll handle this, if you don’t mind.”
I’ve got enough confidential material with me to probably start a small war. Between several countries.
I am deposited at the foot of the big blue 747-400. I am given my luggage claim tags, boarding passes, and onward tickets. I am asked to produce my passport and it is stamped right there at the foot of the aircraft. I’m all legal and ready to go.
I look at my seat allocation and it’s B-4, my favorite Business Class seat. I stuff my well case into the overhead compartment and go to plop into my seat for the four-hour flight. But I can’t, there’s a package there.
It’s addressed to “Doctor Rock” and stamped with the official seal of the Republic of Kalmykia. Ok, I guess it is mine.
I shift it over to an adjacent seat and proceed to get comfortable. I’ve forgotten about the intricately carved box Vadim and I were presented in the palace. However, I retrieve this current package and carefully open it.
In it there two bracelets, two necklaces, all of the finest silver and emeralds. Kalmykia’s famous for its emeralds. There are two books in English all about the history and geology of Kalmykia. Plus there’s two traditional dressing gowns made of the finest silk. Heavily brocaded, in that one-size-fits-all draping local costumes tend toward. Intense colors, and incredible stitching. These were articles created by a master craftsperson.
There is also a note: “Doctor Rock. So pleased to have you visit our republic. Please accept these gifts for your wife and Mother-in-law. I do so hope we will meet again soon to further our potential joint projects. Best regards, Vicktor Basanov. P.S., Please ask the cabin attendant for the item she’s keeping for you.”
He was the nicest Head of a Republic I’ve met to date. I had mentioned Esme and Oma, but only briefly; with business dealings, there really wasn’t much time. This character was one sharp cookie.
The package also went into the overhead compartment. The cabin crew produced a double potato juice and citrus, heavy ice, single lime for me. They had thought of everything.
We’re flying along, westward this time toward Amsterdam. The flights crowded, but there a couple of spare seats here in Business. I’m finally winding down from my whirlwind Kalmykia tour when I think that it’s OK to take a look at the data I’ve accumulated. I drag down my well case and see the heavily ornate and intricately carved wooden box I received from Mr. Basanov.
My curiosity needed to be sated on other things, so I tuck it back in a safe recess of my well case and drag out the Kalmyk data. Even this needed to wait, I‘ve got to go over the Siberian data I collected in Moscow.
Then, another thought, Agents Rack and Ruin. I pull out a fresh field notebook and begin to detail my unexpected trip to Kalmykia. Mr. Basanov is the de facto head of state there, so I’m sure my Langley-based buddies would be interested in any Intel I could provide.
“Intel?” Gad, I think. “I’ve been infected with an agency virus.”
The flight passed quickly and we land, ever so gently, in Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport.
I gather all the debris I’ve generated in the last four hours and stuff it back into my secure well case. I’ll go over the rest of this on the nine-hour flight to Houston. I’ve got a four-hour layover here, maybe I can get some of it done on the ground instead of in the air.
I’m about to deplane, when one of the cabin crew stops me and says she has something that was sent to the plane before I arrived. Evidently it needed to be kept chilled for best effect.
She hands me a frosty bottle of Kalmyk Sombucha, which was a fortified fermented tea drink. Evidently, it’s the drink of choice, in this and various other incarnations, of the predominantly Buddhist community in Kalmykia.
Loaded down, I toddle off the plane and make a bee-line to the departures board. I find my next departure gate and trundle over to the hemi-Buckminsterfullerene-shaped hut closest.
However, first, some calls. I call home but Esme is taking another nap. I talk with Oma and let her know where I am and that I should be walking through the front door in some 15 hours. I ask if everything is OK, and Oma assures me that Khris and Lady are fine and Esme is just tired. Ok, I suppose pregnancy’s very taxing. I didn’t really give two shits about the cat.
Then I call work and inform the boss fella of my past few day’s activities. I keep everything low-key and on the QT. He’s pleased I’m returning and have scored a major data coup. He says he’ll see me when I get back to the office. He knows I’ll be jetlagged to hell and back and expects me to take a day or two to recover before coming into the office. Since I’m the only one that can make sense of the data, he says he’ll wait until we both can show up together.
Now, I’ve got to re-arrange things, I’ve got so much to carry. I find an empty table in the bar and spread out the non-confidential contents of my well case. Luckily, the have table service, so I am able to secure a cold drink to aid me in my packing.
I ask the bartender for a few plastic bags as I want to sequester things according to geography. Eastern Siberia? In bag #1. Kalmykia? Bag #2. Moscow items? Bag #3. Personal effects? Bag #4 Miscellaneous? Bags #5-9.
I finally get my shit together, in several senses of the idiom, and settle back with the Moscow field notebook. I review what I’ve written, and edit some of the more ‘unclear’ points. Another drink arrives and I’m feeling much more in control of thing. Finally, order, organization and non-chaos. I settle back, relax, and fire up a heater. I’m almost on my last leg home, I can hardly wait to see my family again.
The layover passes quickly and I get in a serious amount of editing and reorganizing my notes. I can whack out dossiers on everyone without any trouble. My agency buddies will be so pleased.
My flight is called so I wander over, show my passport and boarding card and I’m down the jetway and to my seat. B-4 again. How nice. I am offered a pre-flight cocktail without even asking. I do so like this airlines.
We take off, right on time, and suddenly the reality of my running around these last couple of weeks hit me like a sledgehammer.
“Ah, I didn’t want to see that movie anyway.” I think and ditch the headphones.
After a quick nosh, I’m doing everything to avoid having my eyelids smash together. I’m tired, comfortable, the roar of the four Pratt and Whitney’s outside provide a calming white noise. Next thing I know, I’m sawing lumber.
I’m in New Mexico. I’m out in the field, I know that, but don’t recognize the exact locale. I’m not supposed to be here, but yet, here I am.
I hear a voice:
Kǫʼ dził-hastiin.”
“Sani?” I am sore perplexed. What the hell is he doing here in Siberia?
Wait, I was in Siberia, then Amsterdam. Now I’m in New Mexico.
“Sani?” No reply, at least I think there is none.
Then a disembodied voice: “Kǫʼ dził-hastiin. We will speak with thee.”
Cautiously, “OK”.
“There is sad news… about Hweʼesdzáán dził Kǫʼhastiin.” I am told.
“What happened to Esme? Tell me!” I yell to them.
“She will be fine. It was not time, once again.” I was told.
“Enough with the fucking riddles. Tell me...” the penny drops. “Oh, fuck, no. No. NO!”
Suddenly, realization. It hit me like a runaway truck. We lost the baby…
“We grieve with thee, Kǫʼ dził-hastiin. Do not give in to regret. All will be as it was foreseen. You must have patience. This is what we have been told. As was foreseen, so it will be.”
I awaken with a sudden start and scare the shit out of the straights in Business Class. Jennifer, the cabin attendant, comes over and asks if I’m OK. Evidently I’ve been a bit noisy, thrashing around while I was snoozing.
“Rock, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. “ Jennifer says.
“I don’t know, Jen. I think I heard much worse.” I tell her.
I’m shaken to my very core. Maybe it wasn’t a vision or visitation or whatever you want to call it. Maybe it was fatigue, or whadd’ya call it? A fitful dream?
Hallucination? Fantasy? Delirium? Anything, please, other than reality.
The flight continues and I’m conflicted. What to do? Call home immediately upon landing? Wait until I get home to see what the fuck is going on, if anything? My mind is in a Mixmaster. For once, I really don’t know what to do. My multiple working hypothesis was failing me in a time of intense emotions.
We land at Houston intergalactic, and at least this part requires little thinking, which is good as I’m on auto-pilot. Off the plane. Get your luggage. Find a cab. Get your ass home.
Still. Do I call home now or wait?
I decide to wait. If the unthinkable has happened again, there’s no need for me to know now. Two hours won’t make any difference either way.
Off the plane and down to luggage. I really need a cart, I’ve got so much shit to schlep…
“Doctor Rocknocker!” I hear a familiar voice behind me.
Oh, fuck. It’s my agency buddies, Agents Rack, and Ruin.
“Hey, guys. What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, frostily.
“Oh, nice. We heard about your little side trip and wanted to be the first to congratulate you. We’ve been trying to get info on that republic for years. You go and are given the Red Carpet Treatment.” Agent Ruin says.
“Yeah, all it took was a little kidnapping…” I reply.
“Kidnapping?” Agent Ruin asks.
“Read it in my report. Now, I really need to get home.” I tell them.
“Yeah. We heard about Esme. Sorry, man.” Agent Rack says.
I turn very slowly and stare him right in the eye.
“What…did…you…say…?” I asked, ready to go into full homicide mode.
“Oh, shit. I didn’t think…You hadn’t heard? Esme miscarried six days ago. She’ll be fine, but…Man, I am sorry, I didn’t think. How could you have known?” he says, genuinely sorry.
I just drop everything. I feel like I’ve been gut shot. I just want to collapse. We lost another baby. Esme must be devastated. Oma and Esme conspired not to tell me so to spare me the misery on the flights home. I don’t know whether to break down into a puddle, punch the two agents in the nose, or wind my watch.
“Doctor? Rock, are you OK” Agent Ruin asks.
I regain some small amount of composure. I think back to my last flight and what was told to me.
“That’s OK, guys. Just took me off guard. How could you know?” I say, utterly defeated.
“OK, let’s get your shit. We’ll drive you home.” Agent Ruin says.
I look to them, shake my head, smirk, and say “Fair enough”.
We’re heading west on the freeway when I ask the Agents to exit early. There’s a shop I want to stop at first.
We finally reach home and the Agents just basically dump me and all my crap in the driveway.
“We don’t want to interfere.” Agent Rack says.
“Why stop now?” I reply.
We shake hands and I confirm I’ll have their reports presently. ’Presently’ currently being undefined.
They agree and depart.
I ring the doorbell and am promptly creamed by Lady. She seems a little happy to see me.
Esme and Oma appear from behind the door. They can recognize with one look that I know their little secret.
“Why?” I ask.
“We’ll talk later. Let’s get all this stuff in the house first.” Esme says.
“No. First, tell me. You are OK?” I plead.
“Yes, Rock. I’m OK. Both mentally and physically.” She says.
“Well”, I wanly smile, “that makes one of us.”
We drag in all my crap and dump it in my office. I’m too tired, too wired, too fried to do much anything else.
There’s a knock at the door. Oma answers.
I am hugging Esme so hard it’s like if I let go, I’d lose her.
I tell her, “This international crap it too difficult right now. Until we get a certain few things sorted, I’m sticking to domestic contracts.”
“Rock, not now. Let’s have a sit-down. You look like you could sleep standing up. I’m OK, so let’s just go from there.” she says.
“OK, dear. You’re right, I really don’t need the extra drama right now.” I say.
We go into the dining room as Oma puts the finishing touches on the huge bouquet of yellow roses I ordered for Esme on the way home.
“Yellow roses. Your favorite. Represent hope.” I say.
Esme clouds up and almost begins bawling. I’m right behind her in that department. Oma sniffles a bit, too.
We recover and I opt for a strong drink. Oma has her favorite tea and Esme opts for one of the orange Fantas I smuggled back from Siberia.
“Sweet, innit?” I ask her.
“Good Lord, it’s like drinking orange-flavored straight glucose syrup.” She tells me.
“Oh, I’ve got a few things for y’all.” I recalled and get my well case.
Then I remember Esme and Oma don’t even know of my side trip to Kalmykia. Over the next couple of hours, I fill them in on that adventure.
I ask Esme to choose a number, 1, or 2. She chooses two so she gets gown #2. Oma receives Kalmyk gown #1.
Although Oma drowns in her dressing gown, she loves it. Esme can easily alter it to fit her better. Esme looks absolutely stunning in her purple, red, and yellow silk dressing gown. I distribute the necklaces and bracelets. They are very happy with their gifts.
I have several gifts for Khris from Siberia, Moscow, and Kalmykia. But she’s sleeping now so that can wait a little while.
I’m going through my well case to see if I missed anything.
I find the carved Buddhist wooden box Mr. Basanov gave us before we left. I had forgotten clean about it. I hand it to Esme.
She examines it and asks what it is.
I tell her I don’t know, just an intricately carved box, covered with weird calligraphs, hieroglyphs, and runes.
Oma looks at it and says it’s quite heavy for wood. She points out a tab on the bottom. She presses it and it pops the box open like a large box of wooden matches.
She hands it back to Esme and I tell her “Open it, I have no idea what’s in there.”
She does and extracts a bronze statue.
“What the actual…?” I mumble aloud.
Esme, Oma, and I look at the stature. It’s obviously Buddha, sitting, with a female facing him, on his lap. It’s extraordinary, incredibly detailed and appears to be quite old.
We refer to our Encyclopedia Britannica and find out it’s a Buddha & Shakti Statue.
It’s nice, in a weird sort of way. We continue to read the encyclopedia entry and come across: “This harmonious statue depicts Buddha and Shakti in an intimate embrace. Their union evokes balance between the active, masculine figure of compassion (karuna) and skillful method (upaya), and the passive, feminine figure of wisdom (prajna). ** It is commonly used to promote fertility.**”
I look to Es and she looks back. I’ve told her about my New Mexico dream on the plane.
She says: “Well, if we have Sani and his crowd and now Buddha pulling for us, maybe things will eventually work out.”
“Perhaps it wasn’t time, this time,” I say. “However, there will be a next time. I was told it has been foreseen.”
Only time will tell.
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2019.09.18 07:42 tanooki64 Billboard Hot 100 Greatest Songs of All Time - 60th Anniversary

Chubby Checker
1960 R&B Male
Checker's transformative smash remains the No. 1 all-time Billboard Hot 100 hit, fueled by its dual run atop the weekly chart in September 1960 (for one week) and January 1962 (for two frames). "The Twist" is the only song to rule the Hot 100 in separate release cycles, as it returned to the top after adults caught on to the song and its namesake dance that younger audiences had first popularized. "That style of dancing wasn't there before," Checker, now 76, mused. "It was so explosive, it's never left the dance floor."
Santana Featuring Rob Thomas
1999 Rock Duo/Group
Decades before it launched a thousand Internet memes, "Smooth" was a straight-up four-quadrant smash. The combination of Matchbox 20 singer Rob Thomas' contemporary crossover popularity and Santana's eternal cool, in a moment particularly kind to Latin-tinged pop, proved roundly irresistible, giving the song both a tremendous peak and a long tail on the Hot 100 -- as it spent 30 weeks in the Hot 100's top 10, including 10 at No. 1.
Bobby Darin
1959 Pop Male
Hailing from Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill's 1928 masterpiece Threepenny Opera and detailing the brutal past of the play's lead, "Mack the Knife" was unlikely fodder for Bobby Darin, a teen idol fresh off the success of "Splish Splash," three decades later. But his English-language, swingin' jazz version of the German tune topped the one-year-old Billboard Hot 100 in 1959 for nine non-consecutive weeks -- despite Dick Clark's warning to Darin it wouldn't appeal to the rock-loving kids.
Mark Ronson Featuring Bruno Mars
2015 Pop Male
Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars had teamed up on a No. 1 hit before - the latter's "Locked out of Heaven," a six-week leader in 2012-13 (billed as by Mars only), but they bested themselves, and every other song of the 2010s to date, with "Uptown Funk!" The collab, which introduced Ronson's Uptown Special album and set weddings across the country ablaze, zoomed to the Hot 100's summit for 14 weeks, and finished 2015 as the year's top title.
LeAnn Rimes
1997 Country Female
One year after her Blue breakthrough, teen country sensation Leann Rimes angled more pop with this Diane Warren-penned ballad. The problem: It was too pop for the execs behind 1997 action flick Con Air, who wanted a country version for the film's soundtrack. Trisha Yearwood was recruited for that version, winning a Grammy, but Rimes' was the public's choice, hitting No. 2 on the Hot 100 and setting new records for most weeks in the top 10 (32), and most weeks on the chart (69), both since overtaken.
LMFAO Featuring Lauren Bennett & GoonRock
2011 Dance/Electronic Duo/Group
Party rock was in the penthouse of the Hot 100 for six weeks in 2011 as L.A. pop-rap outfit LMFAO's signature hit dominated the music mainstream. The duo of RedFoo and SkyBlu had Hot 100 success in their genes, as the son and grandson (respectively) of Berry Gordy -- founder of the legendary Motown label, whose roster enjoyed chart-topping success from the '60s through the '90s.
The Black Eyed Peas
2009 Pop Duo/Group
2009's longest-running Hot 100 No. 1 introduced American audiences to the work of French DJ-producer David Guetta, and helped the Peas reinvent themselves with an EDM-friendly sound. It also helped the group set records: When the song first debuted at No. 2 behind its album-mate "Boom Boom Pow," the Peas were one of 11 artists to occupy the Hot 100's top two spots simultaneously.
Los Del Rio
1996 Latin Duo/Group
A phenomenon that invaded pop culture in 1996, the Bayside Boys remix of Los Del Rio's "Macarena" started a dance craze that swept up pre-teens and politicians alike. The song also conquered the Hot 100 for 14 weeks -- a record for a mostly foreign-language song that lasted over two decades.
Ed Sheeran
2017 Pop Male
Sheeran's first Hot 100 No. 1 ruled for 12 weeks in 2017 and, even after the tropical-flavored pop jam's reign ended, it boasted record-breaking staying power: The song logged a record 33 weeks in the top 10 in 2017, all dating to its debut at the summit that January.
Olivia Newton-John
1981 Pop Female
Physical was the best of both worlds, mixing the zeitgeist of the '80s fitness craze with an eternally relevant subject: sex. The result, to which Newton-John herself admitted, "I think there's a double entendre," fittingly proved a master of endurance, staying atop the Hot 100 for a then-record-tying 10 weeks.
Debby Boone
1977 Country Female
Daughter of '50s superstar Pat Boone, Debby became a second-gen Hot 100 topper when her "You Light Up My Life" bested the chart for a then-record 10 weeks. Originally recorded as a love song for the 1977 film of the same name, Boone claimed her rendition was inspired by God.
The Beatles
1968 Rock Duo/Group
The biggest of The Beatles' still-unmatched 20 Hot 100 No. 1s, "Hey Jude" spent a then-record-tying nine weeks atop the chart. It wasn't just the song's reign that was long: The singalong epic ran seven minutes, longest for any No. 1 until Don McLean's "American Pie" in 1972.
The Chainsmokers Featuring Halsey
2016 Dance/Electronic Duo/Group
The Chainsmokers -- the EDM-pop duo of Alex Pall and Andrew Taggart - followed the kitchy "#Selfie," which reached No. 16 on the Hot 100 in 2014, with three top 10s in 2016. The biggest of them was the 12-week No. 1 "Closer," a swoony team-up with alt-pop superstar Halsey.
Mariah Carey
2005 R&B Female
After a brief hiatus, Mariah Carey made the grandest comeback of her career thus far with 2005's "We Belong Together." It became the icon's 16th No. 1 on the Hot 100, spending a whopping 14 non-consecutive weeks on top.
Toni Braxton
1996 R&B Female
The gripping ballad "Un-Break My Heart" became Toni Braxton's second No. 1 single in 1996, following the double-sided "You're Makin' Me High"/"Let It Flow" -- both from her Grammy-nominated sophomore album Secrets. "Un-Break My Heart" stayed atop the Hot 100 for 11 weeks.
Usher Featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris
2004 R&B Male
Yeah! struck a perfect balance of 2004's hottest sounds: Usher's smooth R&B; vocals, Ludacris' free-flowing rhymes and Lil Jon's crunk-R&B; hybrid production. The trio of Atlanta natives was rewarded with 12 weeks atop the Hot 100, in a year where every No. 1 was performed by a person of color.
Kim Carnes
1981 Pop Female
Originally recorded by co-writer Jackie DeShannon in 1974, Kim Carnes' smoky, synth-heavy remake topped the Hot 100 for nine non-consecutive weeks in 1981. The Hollywood icon herself thanked Carnes for the song in a letter; after its Grammy wins for song and record of the year, Davis sent Carnes roses.
Diana Ross & Lionel Richie
1981 R&B Male/Female
A meeting of two generations of Motown icons yielded the biggest hit for each: "Love" gave Ross her sixth and final solo No. 1, while Richie earned his first of five solo chart-toppers. Despite the ballad's success, the duo has only performed it live once, at the 1982 Academy Awards.
Rod Stewart
1976 Rock Male
A paean to the act of virgin deflowering from the classic rocker, "Tonight's the Night" struck enough of a chord with 1976 audiences to spend eight weeks atop the Hot 100. The second of Rod Stewart's four No. 1s, the ballad also features a French spoken-word segment from then-girlfriend Britt Ekland.
1997 Pop Female
Alaskan singer-songwriter Jewel spent a then-record 65 weeks on the Hot 100 in 1997 with this split single, thanks to the individual popularity of both breakup songs: the wistful "Meant" and the bitter "Foolish." The single peaked at No. 2, both on the weekly chart and Billboard's 1997 year-end tally.
Bryan Adams
1991 Pop Male
Like each of Canadian rocker Bryan Adams' four Hot 100 toppers, 1991's "I Do It for You" hailed from a film soundtrack, serving as love theme for the Kevin Costner blockbuster Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. The power ballad spent seven weeks at No. 1, a career-best for Adams.
Boyz II Men
1994 R&B Duo/Group
Boyz II Men ceded their single-song record for longest stay at No. 1 to Whitney Houston, but didn't stay in second place for long. With 1994's "I'll Make Love to You," they tied Houston's then-record, and became the first act to have two songs each claim double-digit-week runs at No. 1.
Percy Faith And His Orchestra
1960 Pop Male
While the titular Sandra Dee drama that spawned it was shortly forgotten, conductor Percy Faith's cover of "Theme From 'A Summer Place'" made history, spending a record nine weeks at No. 1. The mark went unbeaten for 17 years, and "Theme" remains the longest-reigning instrumental in Hot 100 history.
1978 Dance/Electronic Duo/Group
Originally written by Chic's Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards as a response to NYC nightclub Studio 54 denying them entry, a title change from "fuck off" to "freak out" resulted in the band's first No. 1, a wiggly disco stomper that topped the chart for six non-consecutive weeks in 1978-79.
Bee Gees
1977 Pop Duo/Group
Not every Bee Gees smash followed in the strutting footsteps of Saturday Night Fever smashes "Night Fever" and "Stayin' Alive." The 1977 soundtrack's first single, blissful ballad "How Deep Is Your Love," showcased Barry, Maurice and Robin Gibb's softer side and ranks as their top-charting hit.
1982 Rock Duo/Group
Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" has soundtracked countless sports montages since Rocky III introduced it to the world (and the Hot 100's apex) in 1982. The song also beat the previous chart best of writesinger Jim Peterik, whose group Ides of March hit No. 2 with "Vehicle" in 1970.
Rihanna Featuring Calvin Harris
2011 Pop Female
Rihanna ruled the charts -- and pretty much the entire music world -- with 2011's "We Found Love." The Calvin Harris-assisted dance smash spent 10 consecutive weeks at the top spot, surpassing the seven-week run of "Umbrella" to become Rihanna's biggest hit.
Flo Rida Featuring T-Pain
2008 Hip-Hop/Rap Male
Combining elements of Southern hip-hop with the uptempo pace of dance music, "Low" -- with its over-enunciated T-Pain hook (Apple Bottom jeeeeanz! Boots with the furrrrr!) -- helped usher in a new era of genre-bending club music, and set Flo Rida up to snag 10 more top 10 hits.
Andy Gibb
1977 Pop Male
While his three brothers were conquering the Hot 100 as the Bee Gees, Andy Gibb joined the club with "I Just Want to Be Your Everything," the first of his own three No. 1s on the chart. It remained a family affair: brother Barry wrote and co-produced the disco smash.
1998 R&B Duo/Group
Next's first and only Hot 100 No. 1 is an allusion to getting horny while dancing at a club. The R&B; group charted five Hot 100 entries, all in the top 40, between 1997 and 2002, returning to the top 10 with "Wifey" in 2000.
The Police
1983 Rock Duo/Group
Post-punk arena-rockers The Police topped the Hot 100 for eight weeks in 1983 with this ode of unreciprocated romantic intensity, often mistaken by marrying couples as a straightforward ballad of devotion. The song was the band's first Hot 100 No. 1, and their last, as the trio disbanded shortly after.
Gotye Featuring Kimbra
2012 Rock Male
This minimal breakup duet became the surprise smash of 2012, ruling the Hot 100 for eight weeks. Six years later, the two singer-songwriters have only graced the chart once more between them -- with "Eyes Wide Open," a No. 96 hit for Gotye in May 2012.
Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee Featuring Justin Bieber
2017 Latin Male
After Justin Bieber jumped on its remix, "Despacito" blasted to No. 1, eventually tying Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men's "One Sweet Day" for the longest Hot 100 reign: 16 weeks. The influence of "Despacito" has since impacted Latin crossovers like J Balvin and Willy William's "Mi Gente," featuring Beyoncé.
Irene Cara
1983 Pop Female
Flashdance was a surprise box office smash in 1983, boosting singer-actress Irene Cara's soundtrack cut "Flashdance What a Feeling" to No.1 for six weeks that same year. With music from disco titan Giorgio Moroder and lyrics co-written by Cara herself, the song earned the best original song Oscar.
2011 Pop Female
Thanks to appearances on Billboard's Latin, rock, rhythmic, adult contemporary, and pop charts -- just to name a few -- "Rolling in the Deep" was heralded as one of the biggest crossover hits of all time, and kicked off a trilogy of consecutive No. 1s from the singer's blockbuster LP 21.
Bobby Lewis
1961 R&B Male
The R&B; singer struck gold with "Tossin' and Turnin'," which clocked seven weeks at No. 1 and was the chart's top performing single of 1961. It was so big, it spawned a later sequel of sorts: "I'm Tossin' and Turnin' Again," which peaked at No. 98 the next year.
Johnny Horton
1959 Rock Male
As rock was taking hold in the late '50s, the Hot 100 still found room for country singer Johnny Horton's retelling of the titular War of 1812 battle, becoming Billboard's No. 1 song for 1959. The song also won just the second-ever Grammy for song of the year that November.
Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men
1995 R&B Female/Duo/Group
With 12 combined Hot 100 No. 1s between them already at the time of "One Sweet Day," it was no surprise that Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men's collaboration was an instant hit. The track debuted at No. 1 in 1995 and held for an unprecedented 16 weeks, a stint matched only once since.
Savage Garden
1998 Pop Duo/Group
Truly Madly Deeply was the first of two No. 1 hits for the Australian pop duo, with "I Knew I Loved You" following in 2000. The latter ballad made history as the longest-running song on Billboard's Adult Contemporary chart: 124 weeks. "Truly" is second with its own whopping 123-week run.
1976 Rock Duo/Group
Quite possibly the nicest response track ever written, Paul McCartney brushed off critics accusing Wings of specializing in sentimental pap with this bass-heavy, disco-flavored single (Wingle?). It topped the Hot 100 for five non-consecutive weeks in 1976, becoming Macca's fifth post-Beatles No. 1.
Marvin Gaye
1973 R&B Male
Marvin Gaye spoke about social issues on his 1971 album, What's Going On; two years later, he had zeroed in on more personal topics on the upfront "Let's Get It On." Audiences "got it" and pushed the lovemaking classic to the Hot 100's top spot for two weeks in 1973.
Bee Gees
1978 Dance/Electronic Duo/Group
The partial title track to the 1977's iconic Saturday Night Fever, this disco groover became yet another Bee Gees No. 1 from the soundtrack in March 1978. It was part of a remarkable winning streak for songwriter Barry Gibb, who had writing credits on four consecutive chart-toppers that year.
1980 Rock Duo/Group
Inspired by disco hitmakers Chic, Queen bassist Roger Deacon crafted a sparse, irresistibly funky 1980 single that topped the Hot 100 for three weeks; it was the band's second and final No. 1. Before getting Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger," Sylvester Stallone used it in early edits of Rocky III.
Paul McCartney And Michael Jackson
1983 Pop Male
While the McCartney/MJ duet "The Girl Is Mine" from the latter's Thriller peaked at No. 2, "Say Say Say" from Macca's significantly less-acclaimed Pipes of Peace LP topped the Hot 100 for six weeks from 1983-84. The video boasts cameos from Linda McCartney and La Toya Jackson.
2001 Rock Duo/Group
Canadian rock quartet Nickelback started the new millennium as one of the most successful (though critically reviled) bands on the charts. The raging "How You Remind Me" was the first of its six Hot 100 top 10s -- and to date, its only No. 1, topping the 2002 year-end Hot 100 tally.
Dawn Featuring Tony Orlando
1973 Pop Duo/Group
A quintessential '70s story song, "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" told of a returning prisoner of war asking his girl to perform the titular action if he's still welcome in her life. The jaunty tune hit No. 1 for four weeks in 1973, and popularized nationwide yellow-ribbon usage to welcome back Vietnam veterans.
Tommy Edwards
1958 R&B Male
It's All in the Game topped the Hot 100 in 1958 via soul singer Tommy Edwards' take. "Game" was based on an instrumental composed by eventual U.S. Vice President Charles G. Dawes, making him the only VP with a writing credit on a No. 1 hit.
The Beatles
1964 Rock Duo/Group
I Want to Hold Your Hand launched The Beatles towards their vaunted place in music history, and on the Billboard charts. The group reigns as the all-time top act in the Hot 100's archives, while its iconic U.S. breakthrough single became its first of its record 20 No. 1s.
Andy Gibb
1978 Pop Male
Co-written with his brothers Barry, Robin and Maurice (a.k.a. the Bee Gees), Andy Gibb's third and final No. 1 reigned for seven weeks in 1978 when the youngest Gibb brother was just 20 years old. After struggling with addiction for years, Andy Gibb died at age 30 in 1988.
Carly Rae Jepsen
2012 Pop Female
Jepsen's signature tune boasts the greatest chorus of the 21st century (according to a Billboard staff ranking), but it took tweets from Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez -- not to mention endless lip dubs and parodies -- to help the former Canadian Idol contestant's swoon-worthy pop ditty blow up in 2012.
Robin Thicke Featuring T.I. + Pharrell
2013 R&B Male
Though the song would ultimately prove controversial and legally troublesome, "Blurred Lines" briefly made a pop star of Los Angeles R&B; singer Robin Thicke with its infectious hook, irresistible groove and NSFW video. The song reigned on the Hot 100 for 12 weeks in 2013, the year's longest-running chart-topper.
Elton John
1997 Pop Male
Originally an ode to Marilyn Monroe, "Candle" was updated after the death of Elton John's friend, Diana, Princess of Wales, in a 1997 car crash. The tribute scored a Nielsen Music-era record 3.4 million single sales in one week, and held the Hot 100 No. 1 slot for 14 weeks.
Alicia Keys
2007 R&B Female
The theme of "love conquers all" had powered many Alicia Keys songs by 2007, but "No One" took the R&B; singer's favorite message to a new level, becoming her second solo No. 1, and earning her two more Grammys.
Whitney Houston
1992 R&B Female
Two weeks after "End of the Road" vacated the Hot 100's apex, "Always" took over - for a then-record 14 weeks. Houston's retooling of Dolly Parton's classic ballad accompanied her film debut in The Bodyguard, and returned to No. 3 on the chart after her 2012 death.
Boyz II Men
1992 R&B Duo/Group
With its first No. 1, the Philadelphia R&B; quartet broke one of the Hot 100's most prized records, as "Road" spent a then-unprecedented 13 weeks on top. The feat, 15 years in the making, lasted four months, but the Boyz reclaimed the mark in 1994 and outdid that in 1996.
The Black Eyed Peas
2009 Pop Duo/Group
No other act has achieved a streak that the Black Eyed Peas linked in 2009, when Fergie,, and Taboo reigned for a record 26 consecutive weeks. The streak kicked off with the 12-week reign of "Boom Boom Pow," a electro-funk banger than became the group's first No. 1.
1980 Rock Duo/Group
When Stevie Nicks turned down Giorgio Moroder's request to write a song for the American Gigolo soundtrack, the Italian disco producer looked to Blondie's Debbie Harry, who turned around the topline to this new wave chart-topper (the second of four No. 1s the band would accrue) in a few hours.
2005 R&B Male
The magic of Ne-Yo's songwriting and Scott Storch's production led to R&B; singer Mario's sole No. 1 single. "Let Me Love You" spent nine consecutive weeks atop the Hot 100 in early 2005.
Bee Gees
1978 Dance/Electronic Duo/Group
The Saturday Night Fever soundtrack included six songs by brother trio Bee Gees; of those, five were No. 1s. This falsetto-powered disco strutter reigned for four weeks in 1978, ceding the top spot to "(Love Is) Thicker Than Water" - a song by Andy Gibb, the band's younger brother.
Kenny Rogers
1980 Country Male
The idea was that Lionel would come from R&B; and I'd come from country, and we'd meet somewhere in pop, Kenny Rogers said of working with writer-producer Lionel Richie on "Lady." It proved a sweet spot: The love song became country vet Rogers' first Hot 100 No. 1 in 1980.
2010 Pop Female
Though she would later bristle (to say the least) at the rapping party-girl persona she introduced here, Kesha's first solo single was also an instant star-making No. 1. -- mixing elements of French house music with hip-hop flavor and pop star largesse.
The Monkees
1966 Pop Duo/Group
By 1966, The Monkees capitalized on the exposure of their eponymous NBC comedy, landing three No. 1s, among six top 10s, through 1968. The longest leader was the Neil Diamond-penned pop gem "I'm a Believer," which reigned for six weeks from 1966-67.
Kanye West Featuring Jamie Foxx
2005 Hip-Hop/Rap Male
Gold Digger, the 2005 Ray Charles-sampling warning for men, became rapper Kanye West and guest singer Jamie Foxx's second No. 1 single, following their prior collab "Slow Jamz." It spent its 10 weeks atop the Hot 100, making it the longest-leading of West's four No. 1s.
Timbaland Featuring OneRepublic
2007 Pop Male
Originally recorded by Colorado pop-rockers OneRepublic for their own Dreaming Out Loud album, "Apologize" received a hip-hop-flavored remix by superproducer Timbaland for his Shock Value set. The new version of the piano ballad bound to No. 2 on the Hot 100 in 2007, making radio stars of OneRepublic.
Ace Of Base
1994 Pop Duo/Group
The Swedish quartet already had a smash with the No. 2-peaking "All that She Wants," but "The Sign" -- their first stateside No. 1 -- proved the group's hooky songcraft was no fluke, and put Stockholm on the map in the music industry as an untapped hit-making capital.
The J. Geils Band
1982 Rock Duo/Group
After building a touring fanbase throughout the '70s, the J. Geils Band experienced its greatest crossover success in 1982 with the Hot 100-topping, synth-driven "Centerfold." The song was helped by a fun high school-set video, directed by Paul Justman -- brother of keyboardist and "Centerfold" writer Seth Justman.
Meghan Trainor
2014 Pop Female
Though atypical for its time sonically, Meghan Trainor's doo-wop-inspired debut had staying power: It remained in the Hot 100's top 10 for 25 weeks, becoming only the 10th song in Hot 100 history to do so at the time.
John Lennon
1980 Rock Male
The first single from John Lennon and Yoko Ono's joint album Double Fantasy was the last single released in his lifetime. A No. 1 for five weeks following his Dec. 8, 1980 murder, it marked his second solo Hot 100 topper, following 1974's "Whatever Gets You Thru the Night."
2013 Rock Female
A prodigious New Zealand teen writes a song about not relating to anything on the radio, then ends up ruling it anyway: The pop star's minimalist, finger-snapping debut single was such an alternative to what was dominating top 40 then, it was actually promoted to alternative radio stations first.
Brandy & Monica
1998 R&B Female
This smash was partly inspired by "The Girl Is Mine," the hit Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney duet and lead single from the former's Thriller blockbuster. In this battle of the sexes, the women won: "Girl" stopped at No. 2 in 1983, while "Boy" lasted 13 weeks at No. 1.
Stevie B
1990 Pop Male
While Florida singer Stevie B is largely remembered for his late '80s freestyle bangers, it was a ballad that took him to the Hot 100's apex in 1990. The song's distinctive parenthetical comes from its opening line: "I got your letter from the postman just the other day."
Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
1982 Rock Duo/Group
Originally recorded by '70s band The Arrows, "I Love Rock 'N Roll" became the signature hit for Joan Jett and the Blackhearts in 1982, crowning the Hot 100 for seven weeks. The shout-along anthem was the rockers' only No. 1, but they returned to the top 40 eight more times.
The 5th Dimension
1969 Pop Duo/Group
A medley of two songs from the late-'60s musical phenomenon Hair, The Fifth Dimension's hymn of "harmony and understanding" became the mixed-gender vocal group's biggest hit, topping the Hot 100 for six weeks in 1969. The two-part recording went on to win record of the year at the 1970 Grammys.
Tag Team
1993 Hip-Hop/Rap Duo/Group
Although "Whoomp!" never hit No. 1 -- UB40's "Can't Help Falling in Love" and Mariah Carey's "Dreamlover" intervened -- the hip-hop classic's seven weeks at No. 2 rank it among the all-time top Hot 100 hits, inspiring two charting spinoffs by the act: 1993's "Addams Family (Whoomp!)," and 1994's "Whoomp (There It Went)."
Maroon 5 Featuring Christina Aguilera
2011 Pop Duo/Group
Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera added a sixth No. 1 to their combined tally with the pop-funk jam "Moves Like Jagger" in 2011. The collab's success coincided with the first season of U.S. version of singing competition show The Voice, where both Aguilera and M5 frontman Adam Levine starred as coaches.
Paul McCartney And Stevie Wonder
1982 Pop Male
One of two Macca/Stevie duets on the former's George Martin-produced 1982 album Tug of War, "Ebony and Ivory" topped the Hot 100 for seven weeks that same year. Excluding The Beatles, this earnest plea for racial equality was the longest-running No. 1 for both artists.
Paula Abdul
1991 Pop Female
After five upbeat singles (and four No. 1s) from her debut album, Paula Abdul released this ballad from sophomore set Spellbound. It became her biggest hit yet, and its five weeks at No. 1 was the most for any song since Madonna's "Like a Virgin," which ruled for six weeks from 1984-1985.
Dionne & Friends
1986 R&B Duo/Group
Less than a year after USA for Africa's "We Are the World," another charity collaboration reigned as America's top song. This time, "That's What Friends Are For" united Dionne Warwick with Elton John, Gladys Knight and Stevie Wonder, with the single's proceeds benefiting the American Foundation for AIDS research.
2014 R&B Male
Though he'd already produced and/or appeared on countless smash hits, Pharrell Williams didn't top the Hot 100 as a lead artist until 2013's "Happy," a ten-week No. 1. The exuberant pop anthem originally appeared on the Despicable Me 2 soundtrack, before leading Pharrell's solo debut LP, GIRL.
Diana Ross
1980 Dance/Electronic Female
To kick off her third decade in the music business, Ross enlisted Chic architects Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards to update her sound. Despite friction between performer and producers, the collaboration yielded some of Ross' biggest solo hits, including "Down," which zoomed up the Hot 100, ruling for four weeks.
The Archies
1969 Pop Duo/Group
Before The CW's Riverdale, Archie Comics brought the all-American gang of fictional high schoolers to TV in 1968 with The Archie Show. That begat virtual band The Archies (made up of session musicians), who scored a real-life No. 1 for four weeks in 1969 with the bubblegum classic "Sugar, Sugar."
Bruno Mars
2010 Pop Male
Singer-songwriter Billy Joel had his own "Just the Way You Are" smash in 1978. But while that Grammy-winner topped out at No. 3 on the Hot 100, versatile entertainer Bruno Mars' ballad of the same name made it all the way to No. 1 in 2010, lasting for four weeks.
Nelly Featuring Kelly Rowland
2002 Hip-Hop/Rap Male
Nelly was one of the most successful rappers of the early '00s, solidifying that status with 2002's Grammy-winning single "Dilemma." Alongside Destiny's Child member Kelly Rowland, "Dilemma" followed prior single "Hot in Herre" to No. 1 on the Hot 100, and kept its position for 10 weeks.
Marvin Gaye
1968 R&B Male
Motown had a hit with this song twice in one year by two different artists: Gladys Knight and The Pips took their upbeat version to No. 2 in December 1967, but by December 1968 it was Marvin Gaye's sly take ruling the charts, landing a seven-week stay at No. 1.
Shania Twain
1998 Country Female
Shania Twain fused traditional country with modern pop in a winning combo that peaked with Come on Over, the second-best-selling album in the U.S. since 1991, according to Nielsen Music. She scored biggest with pop-tinged ballad "You're Still the One," an eight-week No. 2 Hot 100 hit in 1998.
Michael Jackson
1983 R&B Male
Of the King of Pop's 13 No. 1 hits, this pop classic's seven-week rule ties "Black and White" for his longest-leading No. 1. The song's famous opening groove was inspired by a fellow Hot 100-topper from a year earlier: Daryl Hall and John Oates' "I Can't Go for That (No Can Do)."
Donna Summer
1979 Dance/Electronic Female
Casablanca Records president Neil Bogart suggested Summer pass this rock-edged dance song to Cher, but the Queen of Disco was eager to expand her dominion to other genres. Smart move: "Stuff" hit No. 1 in June 1979, and won Summer her first Grammy, for best female rock vocal performance.
Post Malone Featuring 21 Savage
2017 Hip-Hop/Rap Male
Post Malone first broke through to the Hot 100's Top 20 with "White Iverson" and "Congratulations," which peaked at No. 14 and No. 8, respectively. But in October 2017, the rapper and featured guest 21 Savage gained their first No. 1 each with the inescapable "Rockstar," which ruled the chart for eight weeks.
Coolio Featuring L.V.
1995 Hip-Hop/Rap Male
The biggest of Compton rapper Coolio's mid-'90s hits, "Gangster's Paradise" spent three weeks at No. 1. The song was written for high school drama Dangerous Minds, but was Oscar-ineligible, due to its interpolation of Stevie Wonder's "Pastime Paradise."
The Steve Miller Band
1982 Rock Duo/Group
Classic rockers Steve Miller Band proved they could transition to the MTV era with the new wave smash "Abracadabra," a two-week No. 1 in late 1982. Miller later revealed to People that the song's lyrics were inspired by The Supremes, who he came across while out skiing one day.
Ed Sheeran
2017 Pop Male
Sheeran has openly admitted that "Perfect" was a deliberate attempt to outdo his other signature ballad, 2014's "Thinking Out Loud." On the charts, at least, it worked: "Loud" stopped at No. 2, while "Perfect" -- helped by a duet remix with Beyonce -- logged six weeks at No. 1.
Carly Simon
1973 Pop Female
This 1973 No. 1 has become part of the pop music vernacular, referenced in subsequent hits by artists ranging from Janet Jackson to Nine Inch Nails. Its subject, an arrogant male ex, has been the topic of decades of speculation, with singer-songwriter Simon still yet to reveal the whole truth.
Wild Cherry
1976 R&B Duo/Group
A classic party-starter for 40-plus years, "Play That Funky Music" shot to No. 1 in 1976 as the Ohio funk band's first Hot 100 hit. Wild Cherry never hit the top 40 again, but "Funky" returned to the top five in 1990, thanks to a reinterpretation by rapper Vanilla Ice.
Lionel Richie
1985 R&B Male
Released at the peak of the R&B; star's popularity, "Say You, Say Me" became Lionel Richie's fifth (and to date, final) Hot 100 No. 1 in December 1985. Written for the ballet drama White Nights, the love ballad would also win the Oscar and Golden Globe for best original song.
The Knack
1979 Rock Duo/Group
Inspired by The Knack singer Doug Fieger's real-life girlfriend Sharona Alperin and a GOAT riff from guitarist Berton Averre, these Los Angeles new wavers saw their debut single top the Hot 100 for six weeks in 1979. It re-entered in 1994 thanks to the movie Reality Bites, reaching No. 91.
Lionel Richie
1983 R&B Male
Parti. Karamu. Fiesta. Forever. The former Commodores frontman added spice to his solo career with this Caribbean-influenced jam, which became his third Hot 100 No. 1. The tune nearly visited the summit again in 2010, as reworked into the hook of Enrique Iglesias' "I Like It," which reached No. 3.
Sinead O'Connor
1990 Rock Female
Acclaimed Irish singer-songwriter Sinéad O'Connor's lone Hot 100 top 40 hit came in 1990 with the Prince-scribed megaballad "Nothing Compares 2 U." The song topped the chart for four weeks, and its iconic music video won Video of the Year at the MTV Video Music Awards that September.
1994 R&B Duo/Group
California R&B; quartet All-4-One scored an 11-week chart-topper with the massive 1994 ballad "I Swear." A wedding favorite, the song was also a No. 1 Hot Country Songs hit the same year for country star John Michael Montgomery, its original performer.
Mary J. Blige
2001 R&B Female
Nine years after making her Hot 100 top 40 debut, Mary J. Blige celebrated her first No. 1 hit with 2001's "Family Affair." The R&B; icon's single had everyone grooving "in this dancery" for six straight weeks on top.
1981 Rock Duo/Group
Foreigner's lush ballad, its first such smash after ten harder-hitting Hot 100 entries beginning in 1977, zoomed to No. 2 in November 1981. The song spent a then-record 10 weeks peaking in the runner-up spot, a run since matched only by Missy Elliott's "Work It" in 2002.
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2019.09.03 05:42 Obbberrr I watched Mad Men, liked it, but I got bored sometimes so I gave a lot of the characters a stand.

Pseudo-Spirtual Mad Men Spoilers follow
Mad Men Stands
Don Draper (Wittman Shabana) - Stranger (The Stranger album and song by Billy Joel) if someone desires Don Draper he can steal their lives, including their personalities and face which he can wear. Humanoid Stand average punch ability. Appears to be made of constantly shifting shadows, faceless, and has multiple faces dangling from its neck by twine.
Stranger Act 2 All for Leyna, Stand solidifies into a black translucent figure of a man wearing a mask that is half happy half crying, also has one devil wing. It can transform Don into a two dimensional shadow. If you punch the shadow Don will get hurt. Anything Don does to an object or person’s shadow also happens to its owner. Punching now Above Average.
Stranger Act 3, Captain Jack. Act 3 appears as a sold black humanoid with padded joints hunched over, red eyes with navy blue Xs across them, no mouth or nose, blue and gold mechanical angel wings, and a dark green halo. Act 3, Captain Jack turns reality into fiction. Anything Don Draper uses as inspiration for a successfully made commercial is rendered fictitious. He can erase virtually anything and is thought to responsible for the Mandela Effect.
Peggy Olsen - Material Girl (Material Girl by Madonna) Peggy can transform herself or a part of her body into a copy of an object she’s touching and also transform an object she touches into a copy of herself or a part of her body, as long as she uses an object with an equal amount of mass to what she’s creating. Humanoid Stand, Above Average Punching. Shaped like Peggy with a very angular torso, has long flowing hair, and a reoccurring pattern of Xs and Os
Roger Sterling - Bodack Yellow (Bodack Yellow by Cardi B) Roger and his Stand can travel through any liquid at up to 500 miles Per Hour, even as small amount of liquid as a drink thrown in the air, a spill on carpet, or a rain drop. Humanoid Stand below average punching. Yellow and Silver mechanical string bean with pointy ears, lizard shaped head, and a tail it regularly wraps around its body.
Pete Campbell - Destiny’s Child, while Pete is within 3 meters of any type of clock, he’s impervious to any form of damage. Appears as silver circles with a trinity on both sides of his neck, both his ankles, and the back of his palms with wires running up and down his body.
Betty Draper - Picture Me Rollin (Picture Me Rollin by Tupac), if Betty Draper licks your blood, her remote stand activates. Everyone around you is compelled to tell you how they feel about you, the closer you are to Betty the more agressively people do it. Betty can’t use it on herself and can only target one person at a time. Her stand appears as a spiky box with ribbons.
Paul Kinsey - Waiting (Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer), his stand allows him to digest anything he consumes, although before it reaches his stomach lining it can still hurt him. His Stand manifests as a grin with tiny arms on his torso.
Joanne Holloway - Blue Oyster Cult, Joanne’s Stand appears as many tiny Easter Island heads that automatically travel to where the most noise is. If someone talks negatively about Joanne while Blue Oyster Cult is touching them, they will slowly turn to stone.
Father Gill - Mercy Street (Mercy Street by Herbie Hancock), if Father Gill is injured, he can heal himself by hearing someone’s sins. If you lie to Father Gill his wounds will appear on your body, although this will not heal Father Gill. Humanoid Stand. Has wings for arms with long legs and a cross for a head. Is half black half white vertically.
Harry Crane - Landslide (Landslide by The Dixie Chicks and Sheryl Crow) Harry can harden dust and sand into impenetrable rock but has trouble controlling it and can risk suffocating himself. Humanoid Strong Punches. Stand appears like constantly crumbling rocks, very jagged, no neck with the top of the head dome-like.
Jane - White Stripes. White Stripes allows Jane to “store” a vibration in her stand and release at a later time, serving as a human tape recorder but also able to create false conversations or with enough vibrations released at once can create a sonic explosion. Humanoid Stand, weak punches. Head has a tape recorder like appearance with cassette magnet strips along its body with buttons on its torso.
Ken Cosgrove - Sunshine Superman (Sunshine Superman by Donovan) Sunshine Superman can induce intense synesthesia by hearing or reading anything ficticous originating from Ken Cosgrove. As soon as something factual is heard from Ken, this effect stops. Stand appears as an inky mechanical skeleton with no bottom half.
Sally Draper - Walking on the Sun (Walking on the Sun by Smash Mouth) the angrier Sally is the more her weight and density increase without restricting her mobility, allowing a fully enraged Sally to throw a barrage of 10 ton punches. Stand appears as a mass of constantly shifting molten lava with a head resembling a lion wearing a crown. Stand itself can’t physically do anything.
Bobby Draper - Biking (Biking by Frank Ocean) Bobby Draper transfers his soul to the body of the closest person who shares his date of birth whenever he dies. Stand appears as an orb with a red circle with a Fleur-De-Lis inside.
Donald Draper (the original) - Killer Queen
Sal Romano - Under Pressure (Under Pressure by David Bowie and Queen) Under Pressure gives Sal the ability to implant false memories in others or even himself. These memories disappear after 48 hours. Appears as a filing cabinet with metal arms and a cat skull.
Henry Francis - All Along The Watch Tower (By Jimi Hendrix or Bob Dylan) Henry’s Stand is bound to an unusually large home radio. When tuned to an odd number station, anyone within earshot has to as literally as possible act out anything they say. When tuned to an even number station Henry is unable to lie, not matter where he is.
Bert Cooper - Dream of Me (Dream a Little Dream of Me by Ella Fitzgerald). When Bert Cooper sleeps, a young version of himself with no memories wanders about. When Bert dies his Stand is able to manifest his current self for short periods of time every few weeks for a couple of months until fading away. Stand appears as unconnected grains of sand forming the shape of a jester and later a heart.
Lane Pryce - Master of War (Masters of War by Bob Dylan) - When Master of War punches something it moves in the direction of the punch at 10 miles per hour for 1 minute. Master of War appears as a skinless muscle humanoid with boxing gloves and a bowler hat. Strong punches.
Trudy Campbell - No Doubt. Trudy’s stand appears as a stylized syringe. After Trudy injects herself with the syringe all of her blood inside and outside her body becomes extremely poisonous and corrosive to anyone except her for the next 15 minutes, even old dried blood stains.
Megan - Big Steps (Big Steps By John Coltrane) Megan can place a special pin on an object that slowly starts attracting things to it. At first getting people’s attention and curving trajectory toward it, but after 15 minutes becomes its own center of gravity and after 30 becomes a miniature black hole that destroys the pin and causes massive devastation.
Dawn - Hip To Be Square (Hip to Be Square by Huey Lewis and the News) Dawn is able to puppeteer anything she attaches her stand to, which is a red and gold ribbon. She has complete control of whatever she’s puppeteering but she must accurately puppeteer it with strings manifested by her stand. Anything with sentience she is puppeteering will regain control as soon as she is not actively puppeteering.
Faye - BloodHound Gang. Faye can see the probability of success of her actions and decisions before they happen. She cannot see the probability of a decision if she’s conflicted on what she will do. Humanoid average punches. Appears like layered, drooping goo, no face but a line of binary in a circle around the head at eye-level.
Glenn Bishop- Mumford and Sons. Whenever Glenn wounds himself with his Stand, he become invulnerable until the wound heals. Stand appears as curved turquoise dagger with a bone white hilt that has a star on the end.
Anna Draper- Sinatra (Frank Sinatra) when Anna takes a photo of only 1 person, the resulting developed photo appears as that person at the moment in their life they will find the most meaningful. Stand appears as a rosary with a peace sign in the center and when she takes a photo a peace sign will appear in her lens when the stand activates.
Duck Phillips - Santeria (Santeria by Sublime) Santeria allows Duck to permanently sacrifice memories to increase his odds of surviving an encounter or prolonging an experience or the status of a relationship. The more precious the memory the greater the effect. Once a memory is sacrificed it can’t be learned again, even from second or third hand sources. Stand appears as a grey humanoid with shorn horns on it head with spike collars on its neck, wrists, and belt. Face appears as a pixelated Rorschach test. Average punches.
Stan Rizzo - Beastie Boy (Beastie Boys) - Beastie Boy renders Stan entirely unrecognizable while smoking marijuana. Anyone who sees Stan while he smokes will be unable to recognize him or identify him later no matter how recently they interacted before he starts smoking. Stand appears as indecipherable graffiti that appear under Stan’s eyes.
Michael Ginsberg - Little Wing (Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix) Little Wing allows Ginsberg to travel between fiction and reality with the ability to bring objects or people from one world into another, as long as the fictional world takes place in his current location. Stand appears as an anthropomorphic dog wearing a red yarn mesh shirt.
Conrad Hilton - Radio Free Europe (Radio Free Europe by R.E.M.) Conrad Hilton’s stand allows him to create shackles between any two objects or people he’s touched. How far away the two are when the effect is applied is the length of the shackle. Stand appears as a hooded figure wrapped in bandage with an axe in its neck. It’s face is covered in single chain links.
Rachel Menken - Bodyguard (The Bodyguard by Whitney Houston) Menken’s stand allows anything her stand destroys to be reproduced as a brand new version of itself, but randomly given a new style. If she were to kill someone the new copy would have an entirely new personality. Stand appears as a metallic purple mannequin wearing a black fur coat covered in pop art. Powerful Punches.
Ted Chaough - Breezeblocks (Breezeblocks by alt-J) Ted’s Stand allows him to remove anything from someone (abstract concepts like love and desire but also things like blood and organs) and store it in moderately sized package as long as he receives some form of consent. This consent can even be unintentional in instances of sarcasm or poorly chosen phrasing. Only Ted is able to return or destroy the contents of a package. Stand appears as a white glove, when removal is activated thousands of scalpels operated by an incredibly fast as to be barely visible white spector also appear.
Stephanie Draper- Flight of the Bumblebee (Flight of the Bumblebee by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov) Stephanie Draper’s Stand can create a paint and light who’s color on the visual spectrum appears to the human eye as millions of dots vibrating at an incredible pace. Things painted or lighted by this color appear as if they’ve been censored. In addition Stephanie is able to see any portion of visual spectrum, giving her abilities such as X-Ray or Thermal vision. Stand appears as rainbow brackets, one with a spray can the other with a spotlight and as rainbow aviator sunglasses.
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2019.02.10 19:26 OlemGolem How To Play A Bard

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow’st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
-Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer’s Day (Sonnet 18) by William Shakespeare-
Over time, the Bard has been met with a lot of combat improvements, making it a class that proves it can participate in combat just as well as the rest. Yet, there are still some stigmas and problems when it comes to the travelling performer. “My Bard doesn’t deal enough damage.”, “Charisma is useless.”, “Buffing the party isn’t fun.”, “All they do is play music.”, “Bards are supposed to be horndogs.” and so on. It doesn’t seem to end no matter how hard TSR and Wizards of the Coast tried. So this is where I want to give some pointers on how to get a grip on this multi-talented minstrel, to make the best of this warrior-poet, and to break beyond the stereotype of the horny troubadour.


The Bard can go in many ways when it comes to ability scores, so in order to make it easier for yourself, come up with up to three performances that your Bard excels at. Whether it is storytelling, singing, dancing, playing an instrument, juggling, acrobatics, battle choreography, or cracking jokes, adding any three to your Bard’s repertoire will help you out along the line. There is more inspiration for this in the Alternatives and Inspiration sections.
All Bards perform in one way or another and that requires confidence and social grace. A Charisma of 16 or higher is a safe bet for any situation your Bard is in. Dexterity is often added for a better ability to dodge attacks but can also help with acrobatics, fancy dance moves, or clever tricks. Having a 16 or higher in this score as well would be ideal unless you want to go a different route. Constitution can help if it’s more about enduring long performance sessions or taking hits. Strength is more for the Skalds who travel, tell tales, and fight along warriors on the open fields. Intelligence is a must for the loremasters and storytellers who can share tidbits of information that they heard from anywhere. Talking at someone might work, but with Wisdom, talking with someone would work better as it shows that you are listening or even pick up some gossip and secrets from a crowded area. (Fun fact, the Bard in AD&D had to have at least these scores: Strength 15+, Dexterity 15+, Constitution 10+, Intelligence 12+, Wisdom 15+, and Charisma 15+. Imagine having to roll these scores with the 3d6-in-order method. The Bard was supposed to be rare.)
You can’t be good at all of these scores and methods, so use the performance arts to guide you in what would make sense for your Bard. Secondly, you can look at the following aspects you can let your Bard focus on.
  • Weapon focused versus spell focused
  • Single creature versus Multiple creatures
  • Melee versus Ranged
These are not mutually exclusive sides, they are actually gradient scales. Even if you sacrifice a bit of Charisma in order to increase the physical scores (Dexterity, Strength, and Constitution), you still need spells in order to support your combat style. Otherwise, using only spells might go wrong when you have the wrong ones at hand for the situation, so you want to have a weapon with you just in case. And then there’s the case of having a weapon or spell to compensate when combat is either in the air or on the ground. It’s up to you what you want based on all the choices you made down the line.


Note I am not going to dictate, judge, or recommend specific spells or powers to you. Each edition has different spells with different effects and with the current edition, more new spells will keep coming. Any judgment on spells is irrelevant in my eyes, as some are situational or subjective to the player in effectiveness. I’ll give basic tips and broad outlines, the rest is up to you.
Versatility, serendipity, and support are the three keywords for this type of spellcaster. The Bard learns spells by travelling around the world and noticing little bits of magic everywhere she goes. This is why the Bard’s spell choices are all over the place. Some other spells are good for enhancing any performing experience so you could take your inspiration for choosing some of those. When it comes to Cantrips, choose at least one spell that affects the ability to hit. Hitting better for you or your party, or hitting worse for the opponent. If you want to focus heavily on weapons, look carefully if you need these Cantrips to increase your defensive or offensive capabilities to compensate for low combat scores.
Specializing in certain spell schools or types is not recommended for the Bard. They are meant to be generalists but their spells are oddly specific depending on the creature, situation, or components. The Bard has to perform to cast most spells; dancing, singing, and playing an instrument with two hands (the instrument is replaced with a conductor’s baton in 4e). Again, look at what you want to focus on. If you see yourself with your hands full of weaponry, you still have your voice to use. If you are able to leave one hand free, you have the other one left for movements (or a horn as it is the only one-handed instrument available). If you want to go on performing and focusing on spells fully, you will have little opportunity to handling weapons other than holding a dagger in one hand and not playing while you are at it. Even if you want to go fully armed with your Bard, you can still choose some spells that are useful outside of combat or support the combat style. Otherwise, if you think you’re not combat effective with weaponry (an ability score lower than 16), do look for at least one Cantrip or spell that deals damage if you don’t like to be a pacifist.
As a rule of thumb, to start with a balanced Bard, pick the following types of spells: one that is beneficial for you or the party, one that is detrimental to the opponent, something that helps with social interaction, and something practical that helps with exploration. You can interpret these in any way you like and some of these spells can work in different ways in- and outside of combat. You won’t be able to cover all your bases as there will be situations where some of these spells won’t work. That is where you have to think outside of the box and use a different prepared spell or method to create a beneficial result. When levelling up, you can still use the first set of spells at a higher level, making the base as versatile as how you use it.
With the last two editions, the Bard is no stranger to ritual casting. If you want to be stingy on the utility spells, then look for one that is a ritual that you think might come up often.


If you want to fight as a Bard then you will do well if you understand teamwork. You can smooth things out for the group and ease the problems that may arise with little boosts in combat prowess. You might need to remind the group of their additions in abilities from time to time, though. Sometimes the little things get overlooked but can still make all the difference. There’s no guarantee that the boost works, but the effort should be there. Assist those who can shine depending on the battle, making the heavy hitter hit heavier, making the damage sponge take more hits, giving the mage more magical bang for his buck, etc. If an ally is down or has trouble taking the fight well or has a big weakness, you can choose to support that one instead. This is a tactical choice that is up to you. The Bard is often dependent on a group, so if you don’t have a group, you might want to hire some retainers to fight along with you.
As mentioned in the Spell section, a lot of the Bard’s spells are situational depending on what is happening and what needs to be done. This requires versatile thinking from yourself as you might want to switch to a weapon if the spells don’t work, or you need to think outside of the box and use a different spell to make the battle easier. You might not be able to massively damage dumb brutes, but an illusion or charm spell might stop them in their tracks. You could have an effective spell at the ready, but the opponent doesn’t have the right requirements to be affected by it, so use a different spell that might exploit that opponent’s weakness. If you are focused on weaponry, there are still ways to get the best effects from the usage of weapons or your combat style. Even if you feel powerless against your opponents when it comes to magic, you can still turn the tables by magically supporting the group in a way that you think is effective. This versatile thinking turns teamwork into a moment of harmony, or a symphony if you will.
The Bard can find abilities and spells that allow her to emulate a certain class, but it will never be exactly the same. Embrace the Bard in its entirety rather than the sum of its parts. Any combat role that is missing can be filled up by a Bard who bends that way, but she won’t be able to take it for long. Consider your abilities when trying to position yourself. If you think you can take a direct hit, go to the front, if you think you’re better off at range, go to the back. Stay close to the rest (preferably within earshot) if you want to support them or if you can switch styles quickly. When combat goes well but you’re out of (primary) resources or the group needs that little push, you can break out of your style and positioning to keep going for a round or two. Keep learning from other classes in what they do well and what you can do, too. That way, you’ll excel your Bard’s talents and develop them into skills.
Lastly, the Bard is able to learn Countersong/Countercharm at some level. This ability rarely comes up, but can be a lifesaver for the entire group when it does. Keep an ear out for any charming effects that can be created with words or music. Not all monsters are willing to engage in combat, some prefer to defeat the entire group with guile instead.


Who could deny the social charm of the Bard? Some want to play a womanizer, others go for the aspiring artist, and perhaps others want to be that ambassador or spokesperson. In whatever way you want to play one, letting your Bard be social is a strong start. Now, not everyone has the real-life social skills to make their Bard shine and I can’t give an explanation that could do it justice. To keep it brief, social skills are about making a connection with people rather than being a chatterbox. People generally like themselves and like to talk about themselves and meet people who share something with themselves. Those with a strong social understanding are capable of finding things that they have in common at any level with their conversation partners, are able to show that they listen to people, and can have a conversation that is respectable without making it turn into a fight. If this sounds like a high-level challenge for you, try to be generally positive about things and give a compliment now and then. Attempt at some small talk and questions with strangers, practice assertiveness to keep going, and reflect on the tone of your voice when you spoke with someone.
Social skills help when combat skills won’t. Strong persuasive skills might convince a king to give his supporting troops. Honeyed words can keep the ancient dragon from turning you into kebab. Convincing a dumb brutish creature that the rocks you are holding are actually candy could give you an advantage when running away from it. Bargaining with a shopkeep can save you a bit of money. An interrogation might go well if done aggressively. Try to roleplay the argument, do speak out and accept the die result if one is necessary. Even if you think it doesn’t matter because it’s based on the roll, you might get rewarded for the kind of social strategy you chose to use. That said, please don’t use intimidation as a cudgel to get what you want. Even when you’re successful, you can still lose the respect of people, especially the ones who were willing to help you from the start. Asking nicely goes a long way and you can’t force people to surrender everything to you just because you rolled as high as you can.
Performance, in general, is the bread and butter of the Bard and might grant a bit of money or the adoration of people. The promise of being written in a poem, song, or epic story would be something any person be glad about. Otherwise, other kinds of performances can still give people a good time and a lasting impression. A person who is feeling down might be cheered up with a nice song. This is one of many strengths of a Bard as a hero.
Most of the Bard’s magic is focused on spells that support social skills and anything that would enhance the splendor of performances. These spells can help make people more susceptible to your intentions whether they are benign or malignant, obvious or inconspicuous, or for personal use or for someone else. Whichever spell you choose, there can be a way to make good use of it as long as you can figure out how. Do be careful, though. Most people don’t take kindly to being enchanted and manipulated like that.


The Bard can grant comfort and ease for the group. They can make resting and travel go smoother with their performances and are able to keep the group’s morale high. This way, the group will always have an edge when something unexpected starts. This might not work when the group needs to travel quietly, though. You might want to stay quiet when stealth is necessary and use the soothing notes when it’s okay.
When something needs to be done that a character is good at, you can be there to give that person a boost, minimizing risk and maximizing travel speed or survival. If such a person isn’t there, you might be a good second choice. The serendipitous skill-tricks a Bard learns in her career makes her better than anyone who doesn’t have any points in a said skill. As they say; “In the world of the blind, the one-eyed person is king.”
As with anything, the Bard can use magical spells to make something easier to do. Any supportive spell you chose could have some use when it comes to finding useful lore, opening ways, or leaving a message. There might be an expert in the group that can make something work, but if there is none or if all else fails, magic is a good option to fall back on.


In medieval Gaelic and British culture, a bard was a professional storyteller, verse-maker and music composer, employed by a patron (such as a monarch or noble), to commemorate one or more of the patron's ancestors and to praise the patron's own activities.
Originally a specific, lower class of poet, contrasting with the higher rank known as fili in Ireland and Highland Scotland, with the decline of living bardic tradition in the modern period the term "bard" acquired generic meanings of an author or minstrel, especially a famous one. For example, William Shakespeare, and Rabindranath Tagore are known as "the Bard of Avon" and "the Bard of Bengal" respectively.
In precise historical terms, the title "bard" applies only to certain groups of Celtic poets who sang the history of their tribes in long, recitative poems. These bards, found mainly in Ireland, Wales, and Scotland, filled many important roles in their society. They were store houses of tribal history, reporters of news, messengers, and even ambassadors to other tribes. However, in the AD&D game, the bard is a more generalized character. Historical and legendary examples of the type include Alan-a-Dale, Will Scarlet, Amergin, and even Homer. Indeed, every culture has its storyteller or poet, whether he is called bard, skald, fili, jongleur, or something else.
-2nd edition Player’s Handbook-
A Bard is not just a musician but a multi-talented performer. You can go in many ways or come up with variations on what your perfomance and style is. Otherwise, you can give your concept of the Bard a twist by looking at the following examples below.
  • Acrobat
  • Actor
  • Advisor
  • Aois-Dàna
  • Charan
  • Clown
  • (Court) Jester
  • Danser
  • Fili
  • Fool
  • Geisha
  • Greek Chorus
  • Griot
  • Hymnist
  • Joculator (Juggler)
  • Legislator
  • Minnesinger
  • Minstrel
  • Musician
  • Nīþ
  • Playwright
  • Poet
  • Puppeteer
  • Raconteur
  • Rhapsode
  • Wordsmith
  • Scop
  • Seanchai
  • Singer
  • Skald
  • Storyteller
  • Thespian
  • Troubadour
  • Vates
As a bonus, I’ll add the nine muses and their domains for the sake of inspiration as any artist could use some source of inspiration to work with.
  • Calliope of epic poetry
  • Clio of history
  • Erato of love poetry
  • Euterpe of song
  • Melpomene of tragedy
  • Polyhymnia of hymns
  • Terpsichore of dance
  • Thalia of comedy
  • Urania of astronomy


As the Bard is known for being a musician, it would be easy to fill this list with a massively long line of performers and bands. I wanted to put my favorites in here, but would that do it any justice? I’m sure that you have some favorites as well. However, that would make the list too long and arbitrary. So I’m noting relatively modern performers that have a combination of at least two of the following performance arts: storytelling, song, dance, acting, choreography, comedy, and poetry. Others are names throughout history that are undoubtedly famous or have made a significant impact on performance arts (and some random stuff just for fun).
  • 8 Mile (2002)
  • A Bard’s Tale games
  • A Modern Major General by Gilbert & Sullivan
  • A Star Is Born (1954)
  • A Whack on the Side of the Head by Roger von Oech
  • Acoustics, example one, example two, example three
  • Almost Famous (2000)
  • Alternative instruments example one, example two, example three
  • Amadeus (1984)
  • Amergin Glúingel
  • Antonio Lucio Vivaldi
  • Aristotle’s Poetics (though you won’t find the second book)
  • Be Kind Rewind (2008)
  • Beatboxing
  • Beatniks
  • Being John Malkovich (1999)
  • Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)
  • Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)
  • Black Swan (2010)
  • Bob Dylan
  • Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
  • Bollywood movies
  • Boom-boom clap, boom-boom clap
  • Brave Sir Robin’s minstrels from Monthy Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
  • Brook from One Piece
  • Brütal Legend
  • Cacafonix from Asterix & Obelix
  • Captain EO (1986)
  • Catchy beats
  • Catelyn Ohashi
  • Chanson de geste
  • Chanson de Roland
  • Charles Chaplin
  • Cheerleaders
  • Chloe Kim, Olympic snowboarder
  • Chopin
  • Christmas carolers
  • Christmas songs
  • Cloud Atlas (2012)
  • Clowns
  • Cool World (1992)
  • Cricket from James and the Giant Peach (1996)
  • David Bowie
  • Deedee’s New Voice episode from Dexter’s Laboratory
  • Departures/Okuribito (2008)
  • Dinobabies (seriously, it’s just the spectacled dino telling fairytales)
  • Dirty Dancing (1987)
  • Disney movies and songs
  • Dr. Seuss
  • Dreamgirls (2006)
  • Dungeon Masters/Game Masters
  • Earworms
  • Elton John
  • Elvis Presley
  • Ernest Hemingway
  • Flashdance (1983)
  • Frank (2014)
  • Frank Sinatra
  • Gaucelm Faidit
  • Gilbert & Sullivan
  • Gloomy Sunday by Rezsö Seress
  • Grease (1978)
  • Gysbert Japiks
  • Haikus
  • Heroes by David Bowie
  • High Fidelity (2000)
  • High School Musical 1 (2006)
  • High School Musical 2 (2007)
  • High School Musical 3 (2008)
  • High School Musical 4 (2019)
  • Homer, author of The Iliad and The Odyssey
  • Humble beginnings
  • Il Trovatore
  • Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)
  • Jabbawokeez
  • Jack Black
  • Jem and the Holograms (2015)
  • Jem and the Holograms series
  • Jigglypuff, Meloetta, Chatot, Cricketot, Poliwhirl, Ludicolo, Bellossom, Oricorio, and Mr. Mime from Pokémon games
  • Jim Henson
  • Jim Henson’s The Story Teller and The Muppet Show
  • Jimmy Hendrix
  • Johnny Cash
  • Josie and the Pussycats
  • Julius ‘Groucho’ Marx
  • Kasperle
  • Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)
  • Kung Fu Hustle’s musicians (2004)
  • La Môme (2007)
  • Labyrinth (1986)
  • Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
  • Les Miserables (1995, 2010, 2012)
  • Les Miserables, kazoo version
  • Lindsey Stirling
  • Lord George Gordon Byron
  • Louis Armstrong
  • Love’s Labour’s Won by William Shakespeare
  • Ludwig van Beethoven
  • Madonna
  • Magical girl transformations
  • Man on the Moon (1999)
  • Marshal ‘Eminem’ Bruce Mathers III
  • Memoirs of a Geisha (2005, 2015)
  • Metallica
  • Michael Jackson
  • Michael Rosen
  • Moonwalker (1988)
  • Moulin Rouge! (2001)
  • National anthems
  • Nirvana
  • Ocarina of Time and Wind Waker and any of the songs from these games
  • Once More With Feeling from the Buffy The Vampire Slayer series
  • Oprah Winfrey
  • Orange County (2002)
  • Orchestral versions of songs
  • Pentatonix
  • Per la ricuperata salute di Ophelia by Mozart and Salieri
  • Perfect by Fairground Attraction
  • Pianoman by Billy Joel
  • Pink Floyd: The Wall (1982)
  • Puppeteering
  • Queen
  • Quentin Tarantino
  • Rabindranath Tagore
  • Radio Ga Ga by Queen
  • Rapper’s Delight by the Sugar Gang
  • Ray (2004)
  • Ray Charles
  • Rob Cantor and Andrew Horowitz
  • Rock and Rule (1983)
  • Rockadoodle (1991)
  • Rolling Stones
  • Sander Cohen from Bioshock
  • Sappho, the tenth muse
  • Saving Mr. Banks (2013)
  • School of Rock (2003)
  • Serendipitous music example one, example two, example three
  • Shigesato Itoi
  • Singin’ In The Rain (1952)
  • Skáldatal
  • Slam poetry
  • Some Like It Hot (1959)
  • Song covers
  • Song of the South (1946)
  • Soul Music, and the fool in Wyrd Sisters from the Discworld series by the late Sir Terry Pratchett
  • Straight Outta Compton (2015)
  • Sucker Punch (2011)
  • That one song that gives you goosebumps and makes you listen to it on repeat before wanting to sleep
  • The Adventures of Mark Twain (1985)
  • The Barbarian and the Geisha/The Townsend Harris Story/Barbarian (1958)
  • The Bard (2011)
  • The Bard (2017)
  • The Bard’s Song by Blind Guardian
  • The Beatles
  • The Blues Brothers (1980)
  • The Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)
  • The Book of Taliesin
  • The brown note
  • The Davidoff-Morini Stradivarius
  • The Devil Went Down To Georgia
  • The Entertainer by Scott Joplin
  • The fool from Wyrd Sisters
  • The Great Dictator (1940)
  • The grey note
  • The Music of Erich Zahn by H.P. Lovecraft
  • The Never Ending Story (1984)
  • The Never Ending Story 2 (1990)
  • The Never Ending Story 3 (1994)
  • The nine muses of Greek mythology
  • The Phantom of the Opera (1925, 1943, 1962, 1973, 1974, 1983, 1988, 1989, 1990, 1995, 1998, 2011)
  • The Piano (1993)
  • The Pick of Destiny (2006)
  • The Pied Piper of Hamelin
  • The pink note
  • The Road to El Dorado (2000)
  • The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
  • The Score of Thespis by Gilbert & Sullivan
  • The Sound of Music (1965)
  • The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel
  • The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny and Word Disassociation by Lemon Demon
  • The Wiz (1978)
  • Thespian plays
  • This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
  • Tina Turner
  • Toast Song
  • Top Secret Drum Corps
  • Tribute by Tenacious D
  • Triple threats in theatre
  • Tupac ‘2Pac’ Amaru Shakur
  • Video Killed The Radio Star by The Buggles
  • Voice types: Sopranos, Mezzo Sopranos, Altos, Tenors, Baritones, Basses, Contra Altos, Contra Tenors
  • Walk off the Earth
  • Walk The Line (2005)
  • Weightless by Maraconi Union
  • Weird Al Yankovic
  • West Side Story (1961)
  • Where The Wild Things Are (2009)
  • Whitney Houston
  • Will Scarlet, Alan-a-Dale, and the rest of Robin Hood’s Merry Men
  • Will Smith
  • William Shakespeare
  • Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
  • Woodstock
  • Yellow Submarine (1968)


  • Valor



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2018.01.18 08:17 wilberfan PTA Twitter session from January 17th, 2018

Hi PTA, I was wondering which emerging filmmakers and writers are you digging right now and would recommend others to check out? Hi Michelle - well I really liked this movie from a director named Alexi Pappas - called Tracktown. it's good. Lemme think of more...
What is the most promising young filmmaker in Hollywood? @DSChazelle? @BarryJenkins? @JordanPeele? I think they're past promise and in full blown explosion mode. I cannot wait to see what they do next. It's so exciting to have filmmakers to look forward to their next ones....feel like that hasn't happened in a while.
Okay. I've got this script. It's rock solid and no one can direct this thing but me... but I've only ever made short films and can't just do this thing with friends. What now? How do I convince them I'm their guy? Sounds like you need a Corner Man. and if you don't have one, you gotta be your own Corner Man. I'll be your corner man....don't worry about convincing. just get on with it. head down. eyes on the road. good luck
Huge admirer of your work Paul, I know this might be a long shot but could you watch this brief clip of my portrayal of Tennessee Williams? Richie - nice one. thanks for that.
Hi PTA! Knowing the facts that Daniel Day-Lewis keep his caracter all the shooting time. Which one has been the more easier to work with? Daniel Plainview or Reynolds Woodcock Well, I liked being in the wide open spaces with Plainview digging for oil. Reynolds house was a bit claustrophobic. I think Plainview would kill me, however, while Reynolds would just stab you with his wicked tongue. Plainview was less fussy, so I say Plainview
Hi Paul! Could you suggest a lens to use with my Blackmagic Pocket cam that'll help give a coarsegrainier image?
You'll need an adapter...this might not be exactly right, but something like it...
Hi, Paul! I wanted to show you the artwork I made for Phantom Thread! Also, did Punch-Drunk Love really ever have an alien-related storyline and set designs that were taken out of the film? lovely. thank you for showing me. no, no aliens in punch drunk...always thought of some of it a sci-fi kinda way though. just the weird aliens landing vibe of the beginning. like emily w. was dropped into his lap from a spaceship.
Will you make more documentaries like Junun,I've seen it many times,it's great maybe maybe.
Hi Paul! I´m a huge fan of your films! I see that frequently there are slab plates around your characters. Do they have a special/hidden meaning for you or they´re just a set decoration detail? holy shit, that's cool. looks like we like our plates. never noticed before.
I notice in a lot of your scripts you leave certain scenes open for TBD improv on set, like these ones from Inherent Vice. Did any moments in Phantom Thread derive from on-set improvisation, or any that got cut? And will you be releasing the script online? This happens here and there. a feeling that you need a scene or a moment but not quite sure what it is phantom thread had a few but I'm blanking on what they are. the script should be online somehow, somewhere. not sure about that one. maybe i'll ask focus to put it out
Hi Paul! What was your favorite film you watched this year? Call Me By Your Name
Hello, PTA. Hope to see your next film soon. You were open to discuss the filmmaking process in your early days, but around PUNCH or BLOOD, you became more elusive and let the films speak for you, even now. What motivated you for that change? always been happy to discuss my filmmaking for anyone who cares. i just took a few years off between those films - didn't have much to say then i suppose.
Are you a member of the PTA at your children's school? of course i am. i'm the prez.
was wondering whether 1- Are there any cool movie ideas just hanging around your head at the moment? 2-Did you have any crushes on the set of Boogie Nights??? Please work with John C. Reilly again. Love your work 1) Yes i think so 2) my on set crush on boogie night was john c reilly
What do you think are the best elements to making a great short film? i have no idea. short films are impossible to make well. make it funny? shorts that are funny are always good. serious ones usually kind of suck
what advice would you give to young, aspiring filmmakers + artists? go to your desk and write and be quiet. and if that doesn't work lay on the couch and daydream.
How do you take a bus from Torrance to Reseda? BUSTED.
Loved Phantom Thread, what was it like shooting on film in London Vs. in the US? Do you think the process will evolve as it re-emerges? I loved having in London and can't wait to go back. great crew. great fun. great tea. nothing but A++++++ from me. i get to go back next week and i'm counting down the days
france is the best country for fashion, art house movies, and romance. and yet, you're not coming here to introduce your art house movie about romance in the fashion world. why do you hate us? I'll be there January 30th. get the wine and cheese ready, please.
hello paul just wondering why you were carrying around a copy of thirteen reasons why. did you read it & if so what are your thoughts? OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE HAPPY COUPLE. what the f is this? we look like we're going to kill someone. i don't know what that is in my pocket. probably the back of a magazine? holy jesus. can we remove this picture from the world?
Hey Paul! What's your favorite soundtrack moment in a Demme film? Thanku!! SOMETHING WILD
when is HARD NINE coming out Memorial Day Weekend
Oh also, what're the odds we'll ever see you direct a full-on horror movie? Asking for most of Film Twitter. 5-1? 3-2?
Hi PTA, thank you for this beautiful movie. Can you have Maya send us a video reviewing the film as Whitney Houston? that's funny
In There Will Be Blood, are Paul and Eli Sunday definitely two different people? Some people have said they might not be! Such a great movie two different people. looks like twins to me, too.
PHANTOM THREAD is so closely aligned with REBECCA that the two films are almost in dialogue. It goes beyond merely influential. How would you describe that relationship? Incestuous. Kissing Cousins. Rebecca is that great grandmother in the picture that you never met that looks just like you but isn't you.
What is your favourite Robert Altman movie? (A difficult question, I know) Nashville
What was the last project you coloured photochemically? Would you think about doing it again? Have never NOT done it this way. As long as they're making the chemicals, i'll be using 'em.
will you work with adam sandler again please yes, sir, my pleasure.
what is your favorite Charles Bronson film of the '80s? errr....death wish? I don't know. never saw one of 'em to be honest. i liked him in Great Escape and Once Upon a Time in the west and indian runner
Do you watch this every year on your birthday? that's funny and cringy i can't watch that . o lord. hilarious.
When is Boogie Nights 2: Electric Boogie-loo coming out? Memorial Day Weekend
Hi PTA! What are some movies you wish you had the chance to see for the first time in theaters? P.S. I got to see Phantom Thread in 70mm at the Music Box Theatre in Chicago and it was an amazing moviegoing experience. It made me so happy and inspired, thank you! Great question. North By Northwest. I heard it opened at Radio city Music hall. also the godfather at radio city. wish i'd seen 2001 when it came out. wish i could have gone to A Place in The Sun opening day. i love this game.
If you’d wish you had directed the first 40-min of ‘Saving Private Ryan’, why in hell aren’t you writing a 140-min war epic we can all be excited about? Cause i'm fucking around on twitter. you're right, emilio.
What do you think about Twin Peaks: The Return? halfway through it. amazing. some of it is hard to watch at night
hello paul!! i was just wondering if you could tweet me excusing me from my classes tomorrow so i can see phantom thread in cleveland Dear Teacher, Please let Lauren go to the movies tomorrow. I think she deserves a break. She is a good student who works hard, so pretty please, with sugar on top, let her go to the movies.
What's your favorite Jonathan Demme movie? Today..............Stop Making Sense. tomorrow.......Something Wild.
What’s your favorite HAIM song? Honey and I came on the other day and I went a little tiny bit crazy. that's a good one.
What was your impetus to go from the commercial success of MORTAL KOMBAT to the award-winning BOOGIE NIGHTS? Also, please explain how you were able to make RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION and THE MASTER in the same year. Ted, I'm at the Pizza Hut AND the Taco Bell.
what should I eat for dinner Veggie Tacos.
Do you watch much anime? I don't, but maybe I should. I like it when I see it. where should I start?
What's your favorite Jean-Luc Godard film? Breathless Woman is a Woman
What are your thoughts on Adam Driver's Kylo Ren? Would love to see Driver in one of your flicks, especially after seeing him in a Scorsese and Jarmusch picture. I Heart Kylo Ren. But I heart Ray more. What's gonna happen?!?!?!?!
what is the purpose of living is this a trick question?
I love love love your long lenses on close-ups. What kinda lenses do you usually use for your films? depends. depends. spherical anywhere between a 50mm and a 85mm. anamorphic, 75mm/100mm usually.
How do you have your coffee? Black like my men. all hail ZAZ!
favorite Pynchon book besides Inherent Vice?? Mason & Dixon.
What's your favorite Brian de Palma film? The Untouchables.
my friend won't watch Magnolia because it's too long what do I do. Also, Magnolia might be the greatest film ever made. Just tell hehim that it's 90 minutes long. just lie. if it's too late for that, I'd suggest watching Nashville. it's only 89 minutes long
Is there anything you practice outside of filmmaking/writing etc? And why is it creating the illest rap beats? I need some hobbies.
do you have any plans to work with Joaquin again in the future? Always.
What would you have cut from Magnolia? nothing, i just like whining about it. it's great.
Do you buy into the concept of “Prestige TV” is that a thing? that words makes me paranoid. i'm not really into prestige anything. Unless it's Prestige Worldwide.
You're a champion of physical film (and it shows on screen!), but are there any filmmakers you think use digital particularly well? Fincher. Soderbergh. Chivo.
Hi Paul, what are your feelings on broccoli? I pretend to like it more than i do.
One major thing the universe is missing out on is a 'Saturday Night Live: Best of Maya Rudolph' compilation DVD...if you could ever put this together (hint hint) what sketches/characters would make the cut? This is some bullshit. they don't have that? Whitney. National Anthem.Charo.
what is your favorite DDL performance? besides plainview and woodcock? see The Ballad of Jack and Rose for a deep cut.
Will you make another comedy again? just did!
would you rather work with Jesus or do another HAIM video? Trick question! Jesus IS Haim.
What are we going to do about the lack of after school programs? Thanks for asking. Come to the meeting this Thursday and we can discuss.
Any more music videos on the way? Loved the recent HAIM film, "Valentine". yes! something soon too! hush hush
Is the Window/Wall scene in The Master a reference to Get Low by Lil Jon and The East Side Boyz? Finally!
Could you talk about shooting process of daydreaming music video? And, if you don't mind tell us about last words of thom what he said. We shot for 3days. we went to a neighrhood here in la. and went from house to house to house on a long street. then we went to the beach. then we went to some more locations. the next day we went downtown &walked through a million more doors and then we went to l. tahoe.
When writing, do you write from the beginning and keep going all the way. Or jump around? Thanks. start at the beginning . but keep moving, don't get stuck,. so if i have to jump around a little i do.
is this your twitter account @PTAnderson ? noooo. that not me
Who owns the Boogie Nights prop? You know which one I'm talking about. marky.
Would you like to work with Tom Cruise again? hell yes.
I've written like 4 scripts that have never seen the light of day. How does a nobody get a job as a screenwriter? you're already a screenwriter. now you just gotta get those made. do it yourself.
"There Will Be Blood" pairs with steak and vodka. What food/drink pairing would you recommend for "Phantom Thread?" Martini and Omlette. For Dinner.
Will you approve and participate in the creation of HDR transfers of your movies for 4K Blu-ray? that's my job! our last day is tomorrow....
my buddy brendan (and also me) would like to know: who is your favorite character of all your films?? (we both think it might be claudia but we're open to surprises!!!) Clauida's a great one. Jim Kurring too. I like Barry Egan and Freddie Quell too. Peggy Dodd scares me but I kinda like it.
How's it feel to direct what is set to be Daniel Day-Lewis in his final appearance? Kinda sad actually.
Can we see the photo ?
how do you feel about low budget neon heavy science fiction surrealist heavy metal filmes about bikers and nic cage? i'm likin the sound of that. what should i see?
Have you ever seen this? um. that's pretty fucking great. good lord. julianne is the boss. she's good on the street in the middle of new york.
do you like the Paddington movies? also can you and Maya adopt me pretty please? getting out to see Part 2 this weekend. loved the first one. we would love to adopt you but we're fully booked right now .
Mean Girls, Bridesmaids or Girls Trip? come on, man. Bridesmaids.
How do you feel about Rotten Tomatoes? I prefer mine Fresh.
would you ever go back to making films set in a contemporary world? was so happy seeing the Little of your love and Daydreaming music video because of that. hope you have a good day! yes, i think it would be a good idea.
favorite western? Anything Anthony Mann.
What do you think about Yorgos Lanthimos work? Can't wait to see PT, but we dont have a relase date here in Mexico :(, you should come! I loved his work. i haven't seen the new one. he's a big time great filmmaker.
Favorite Will Ferrell movie? Catalina Wine Mixer Ballad of Ricky Bobby Ron Burgundy 1 & 2
What’s your favorite Alfonso Cuaron movie? Y tu mama gravity children of men
PIZZA OR PASTA? THE WORLDS NEEDS TO KNOW (sorry for yelling) Pizza.
Favorite Leonardo DiCaprio performance? Catch Me If You Can!
What did you think of SANTA THREAD? this is the greatest. we went crazy for this, the kids and me. thank you thank you thank you.
Favorite Ryan Gosling performance? LaLaLand
Are those common projects? you know it.
if you had to make a kids movie for your own children, which cartoon would you adapt? Teen Titans.
what do you think about Amy Adams? Would you like to work with her again? I sure do.
I know your wife, Maya, is one half of Princess...what is your personal favourite Prince song? Starfish and Coffee.
Gilberto Gil or Caetano? TIE.
Hi Paul, my friend @madisonbrek and I are writing a script called MARKY MARK MY WORDS starring Mark Wahlberg, Mark Ruffalo and Mark Rylance and we wanted to know if you’d be interested in directing Get Marc Webb. he's good
What is your Spencer Tracey picture? Bad Day At Black Rock Adam's Rib Father of the Bride Its a Mad mad world
What is your favorite Mike Leigh movie? Secrets & Lies Naked Topsy Turvy
did you catch up with Warren Beatty’s RULES DON’T APPLY and, if so, any thoughts? really liked it. amazing shot of them walking and sitting down to eat hamburgers.
Greetings Paul, love your work - can't wait to see Phantom Thread. I'm waiting for it to hit theaters in Denmark, and I'm wondering if you have ever visited Denmark or plan to? Its nice here :) Well, we will be sort of near door in Rotterdam playing the film with a live score in a few weeks...
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2017.11.13 10:12 FeelMyOats ANTM - Where Are They Now? (Cycle 3)

Hi guys! Here are the girls from Cycle 3. If you guys know any of the missing girls’ social media handles, please let me know so I can add it to this post!
  Name: Magdalena Rivas Placed: 14th Age: 36/37 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 0 (eliminated outside of panel) Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: 412 (@magdarivas) Magdalena Rivas on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Joining America’s Next Top Model Cycle 3 did not necessarily put Rivas’ modeling career into high gear as she was the first one eliminated from the 14 finalists. She did get a little taste of what professional models go through everyday when they were flown from New York to Jamaica to do their very first photo shoot. She was eliminated on the spot, the morning after the photo shoot.
  POST-TOP MODEL Magdalena has kept a low profile since the show. She’s done some modeling work, but is not currently being represented by an agency. Magdalena has done print work for Vibe Magazine, ELLEGirl, and The Lab Uptown. She currently (according to her facebook) works for Children’s Health, a Nonprofit Organization based in Dallas, Texas. She has 2 beautiful girls, Nyla and Fiona.
  Name: Leah Darrow Placed: 13th Age: 36/37 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 23.7k (@leahdarrow) Instagram Followers: 27.3k (@leah.darrow) Leah Darrow on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Although it’s clear that Leah possesses the physical attributes of a model, she was the second to be cut on America’s Next Top Model on Cycle 3. Her removal from the show was brought upon by Leah’s plain and unimpressive photo shoot. The photographer remarked that Leah did not make eye contact with the camera and Tyra Banks commented that she did not position herself well in the pictures. After being eliminated, she walked away from the room without bidding the others farewell, but vowed to keep on pursuing her dream to become a professional model.
  POST-TOP MODEL After appearing on the show, Leah appeared in FHM Magazine. Since then, she is now an advocate for the Roman Catholic Church and Catholic modeling, doing print work for publications for The St. Louis Review, The Catholic Weekly, Lighthouse Catholic Media,, as well as the cover and a spread in Family Foundation Magazine. Some of Leah’s speeches cover topics such as modesty, chastity, the pro-life message (including the death penalty), “catholic” fashion, conversion from sin, and living your life for Christ.
  Since the show, Leah has a regular podcast entitled Do Something Beautiful (now on it’s fourth season) where she regularly discusses a variety of topics. She has also come out with her own book, The Other Side of Beauty, based on the lies we are told about our worth being tied to our appearance and instead invites us to look again at the real meaning of beauty. She has also appeared in TV series such as The Journey Home and Beloved. In 2012, she married her boyfriend Ricky, who serves in the US Military. Leah has 3 beautiful children: Agnes (born 2013), Ambrose (born 2015), and Violet (born 2016). In May 2017, Leah graduated with Magna cum Laude honors with her Masters in Theology from the Augustine Institute.
  Name: Julie Titus Placed: 12th Age: 31/32 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 214 (@JustifiedJulie) Instagram Followers: 632 (@ninewestjewel) Julie Titus on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Julie seemed to have a promising start, but during the third photo shoot in America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3, her performance fell short of being excellent to the judges. Furthermore, at the panel, Julie admitted that the reason why she joined the show was to gain more exposure as a clothes designer rather than a model. The revelation ultimately led to her elimination.
  POST-TOP MODEL Julie is another one of those girls has kept a low profile since the show. She doesn’t have a big online foot print, except for her twitter and her instagram. She has done print work for Republic of Brown, and has appeared the Ray Billion Look Book. Sometime after the show, she worked as a North American sales manager for the Thursday Island clothing line. She has also mentored models for The Model Experience. In July 2015 (I think), she married her boyfriend, Bill Clifford, in California.
  Name: Kristi Grommet Placed: 11th Age: 31/32 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: N/A Kristi Grommet on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Kristi was memorable for coming into initial auditions wearing her senior prom dress, which was made from an American Flag. The fourth week in America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3 had the models posing for Lee Jeans ads with hair extensions braided into their hair. Kristi Grommet may have had the looks and the body, but her lack of confidence during the challenge was what made Tyra and her fellow judges cut Kristi from the competition.
  POST-TOP MODEL After her stint on America’s Next Top Model, Kristi went on to model for In Touch Magazine, where she portrayed Miranda from the HBO series Sex and the City. She has done some test shots, but hasn’t really pursued modelling. In 2014, she directed a freshman/sophomore production of Arabian Nights. She is not currently represented by an agency. She doesn’t have a big footprint on the internet, since there was very little about her online. In 2006, her boyfriend Gunther proposed to her in Times Square in New York City. She currently has 2 sons and 1 daughter. Aside from that, not much is known about what she’s up to these days.
  Name: Jennipher Uralcher, née Frost Placed: 10th Age: 35 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 2 Twitter Followers: 1,420 (@Jennipherfrost) Instagram Followers: 945 (@j.urlacher) Jennipher Frost on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Her time on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3 didn’t last very long as she was the fourth contestant eliminated by the judges. During her short stay in the competition, Jennipher frequently had confrontations with Eva Pigford because of the latter’s attitude. She also did not mix well with Ann Markley, with whom she almost engaged in a fight. Part of the makeover that Jennipher received from the show was a haircut, which she did not enjoy, as she was even seen crying after the hairstylist gave her a shoulder-length hairstyle. The fifth challenge for the season was to pose with roller skates on for a Dooney & Bourke accessories ad. The photos that were taken of her did not impress the judges at all, cutting her journey to the top short.
  POST-TOP MODEL Jennipher has done some print work, but is currently not represented by an agency. She had modeled for Magic Power Boats, Sex Symbol Jeans, Hot Boat, and Fiu Fiu. Sometime after the show, Jennipher became the food and beverage director of the SLS Beverly Hills. In 2012, Jennipher was the marketing manager at Andrea's in Las Vegas. On March 2016, Jennipher married Brian Urlacher, a former NFL linebacker. Their wedding was featured on the cover of Sports Entertainment Today. She is a step-mom to 3 children (from Brian’s former relationship): 2 daughters (Pam and Riley) and a son (Kennedy). Aside from this, not much is known regarding what else she does.
  Name: Kelle Jacob Placed: 9th Age: 32/33 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 3 Twitter Followers: 190 (@KelleJ) Instagram Followers: 682 (@kellejacob) Kelle Jacob on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Kelle was sent to the bottom two with Ann Markley during the sixth week of America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3. Although Tyra criticized them both for not bringing their great personalities into their pictures, the judges decided to take out Kelle, believing that she had less potential as a model. After being eliminated, Kelle remarked that she’ll try hard to build her career on her own, but did not seem overly optimistic. During the show, she won one challenge where the girls had to pose as mannequins in a La Perla store window.
  POST-TOP MODEL After her appearance on the show, Kelle Jacob was in Source Magazine and had a cover of Eminence Magazine. Kelle has modeled for designers and brands such as College Fashionista. After the show, she attended Hunter College in NYC where she pursued her bachelor’s degree in media (with a minor in english). She has been featured in a series of documentaries about undecided voters in the 2008 presidential democrat primaries for the NY Times. She is currently not represented by an agency. She is currently a member of the Global Marketing and Millennial Innovation Team at Estée Lauder.
  Name: Cassie James, née Grisham (Bottom left) Placed: 8th Age: 31/32 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 1 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: 7 (@cassiegjames) Cassie Grisham on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 On America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3, it was revealed that Cassie was suffering from bulimia. Tyra offered to give her counseling, but she refused it, choosing to deal with the condition on her own. However, it was not Cassie’s condition that made her the sixth person to be eliminated from the competition. Rather it was the lack of “fierceness” in her photos and her apparent disinterest that drove the judges to send Cassie home.
  POST-TOP MODEL Since the show, Cassie has graduated college in Oklahoma and has done some modeling work including a bridal shot. She was married in February of 2009.Not much else is known about Cassie after Top Model. She has no twitter, her instagram is private and most likely unused, and her fan page on facebook hasn’t been updated in years. Luckily, I found her husband’s facebook and it looks like the couple has 2 children, a boy and a girl.
  Name: Toccara Jones Placed: 7th Age: 36 First Call Outs: 1 Bottom 2: 2 Twitter Followers:124k (@iamTOCCARA) Instagram Followers: 139k (@iamtoccarajones) Toccara Jones on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 She was the twelfth finalist selected for Cycle 3, she won "Covergirl of the Week" four consecutive times though was never placed above fourth and was the eighth contestant eliminated. She was voted as one of the most memorable contestants by AOL Entertainment.
  POST-TOP MODEL She has been on the covers of Be, Essence, The Next Level Magazine (November 2005), Black Men Magazine, Black Hair Magazine, Braids & Beauty Magazine, King Magazine (February/March 2006, March/April 2006, and May 2008), Queen Sized Magazine, the October 2011 issue of Plus Model Magazine, Evolve Magazine, Rolling Out Magazine, and Sheen Magazine. She also appeared in the December 2008 issue of Ebony Magazine, Jet Magazine, Fashizblack Magazine, Kontrol Magazine, PrimeTyme Magazine, and HypeHair Magazine. She was photographed by Steven Meisel for the July 2008, All black issue of Vogue Italia and had a 14-page spread in the Magazine. The “Black Issue” featured significant past and current black models in response to the “black out” of black models preventing them from getting hired for print and runway jobs.
  Toccara has modeled for Ashley Stewart, Star Collection, Avon, Torrid, New York and Company, JCPenny, Target, Essence Magazine, Vibe Magazine, Lady Hennessey, Traci Lynn Jewelry, Evans, Qristyl Frazier Designs, The First Impression Collection, Ashley Stewart's Urban Chic Collection Fall 2010, and Smooth Magazine. Her runway shows include Hot 97’s Third Annual Full Frontal Hip hop Fashion Show, Luxe & Romance Fall 2005, BET Presents: Rip The Runway 2, Elle Girl presents Dare To Be You: Wal-Mart Meets America’s Next Top Models 2005 and Alice & Olivia Fall 2006. She was also selected to be part of the 2007 Rocawear “I Will Not Lose” campaign, representing the Rocawear plus-size line for full-figured females.
  Like other ANTM alum, Toccara has ventured into both hosting and acting. She has co-hosted an episode of 106 & Park. She was a correspondent for The Black Carpet and a co-host on the game show Take the Cake, both for the BET network. In 2006, Jones appeared in another reality show for VH1, Celebrity Paranormal Project. In 2008, Jones was a competitor on the second season of the VH1 series Celebrity Fit Club. Jones later appeared on Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp, which pitted celebrities from past seasons up against new celebrities. She ended the show weighing in at 166 pounds, surpassing her weight-loss goal by 7 pounds. She has released her own workout DVD called Toccara's Fabulous Work-Out for Real Size Women. In 2011, Jones starred in the second season of the reality series The Ultimate Merger. She made an appearance in Trina's music video for the song "I Got a Thang for You". She participated in a 2009 national tour of The Vagina Monologues with an all-black cast. She also made an appearance in the 2012 movie Think Like A Man. Recently, Toccara has just launched her new lingerie line, Toccara Jones Intimate Apparel.
  Name: Nicole Borud Placed: 6th Age: 33/34 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 1 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 134 (@EcoBunny) Instagram Followers: 363 (@elocinjay) Nicole Borud on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 For the ninth week of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 3, the remaining girls, including Nicole, were flown to Tokyo in order to shoot a Japanese commercial for Campbell’s Soup. Although all the girls had a difficult time, most especially with learning their lines (which were in Japanese), it was Nicole whom the judges felt did not come through the commercial enough, thus making her the eight contestant to be sent home.
  POST-TOP MODEL Some time after being eliminated from the show, Nicole decided to relocate to San Clemente, California. Nicole did not pursue modeling; instead, she has pursued acting. However, I haven’t found anything from her (acting or modeling wise). Her instagram, which is her most active social media platform, doesn’t show us much about her. Her feed has a lot of selfies, her dog, and some of her other interests. It seems she has moved back home to North Dakota. A quick LinkedIn search shows that she works as an Assistant Manager for The Buckle Inc. Previous job experiences post-ANTM show that she worked for Victoria’s Secret as a Visual Merchandising Manager and Sears as Assistant Manager - Softlines.
  Name: Norelle Griffith, née Van Herk Placed: 5th Age: 33 (Estimate only; birthday isn’t online) First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 36 (@NorelleGriffith) Instagram Followers: 509 (@norelle_griffith) Norelle Van Herk on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 As a finalist on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3, Norelle was the only competitor among the fourteen girls who came into the competition with braces on her teeth. Her braces were removed as a part of her makeover for the show. Although her overall performance was impressive, her blunders in the Tokyo photo shoot and her difficulty walking on the runway were what compelled the judges to make Norelle the ninth contestant to be eliminated. Her photo shoot for T-Mobile went well, but was not well enough to keep her on the show for another week. During her stint on ANTM, Norelle won a make-up challenge featured during the show’s third episode.
  POST-TOP MODEL Norelle was able to attain considerable success as a model after her appearance on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3. She received contracts from NOUS models and Dream Models in Asia, and working with these agencies were beneficial as she was able to book numerous advertisements. She has done print work for Sisters Magazine, Yes! Magazine, Sudden Weekly, and Goat Boutique. Norelle has also appeared on the TV show One on One. However, Norelle eventually decided to leave the fashion industry temporarily in order to pursue her education.
  Sometime after the show, Norelle got married to Dave Griffith and now has 2 beautiful kids; 2 sons and a daughter. Not much is know about what happened to her after she left the industry.
  Name: Ann Branca, née Markley Placed: 4th Age:34 First Call Outs: 1 Bottom 2: 4 Twitter Followers: 995 (@annalainamarks) Instagram Followers: 11.8k (@annalainamarks) Ann Markley on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Ann came close to making it to the Top 3 of America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 3, but was the tenth contestant eliminated from the show. During her stay in the competition, her athletic build prompted supermodel judge Janice Dickinson to bless her with the nickname, “Ann, The Man.” The judges finally gave in to Ann’s inability to produce strong and impressive photographs after the tenth photo shoot, despite Ann’s consistently strong performances on the runway.
  POST-TOP MODEL After her appearance on the show, Ann became highly successful as a model in the fashion industry. Going by the name Annalaina Marks, she was able to get a contract from three divisions of Elite Model Management, one of which is in Milan.
  She also obtained a contract from MC2, and has done extensive modeling work for Cover, Ford Fusion, ElleGirl Magazine, Gioia Magazine, Joie, Rojas, Heatherette, Nuala,, Glamour Italia Magazine, the October and November 2005 editions of GQ Magazine, Accessories Magazine, Knit ‘N Style, First Magazine, Fashion Washington, Eyecare Business, Manhattan Bride, InStyle, Health Magazine, Marie Claire U.K., Shape Magazine, O: The Oprah Magazine, I Am Water Polo, Charleston Magazine, Fitness Magazine, Women’s Health, Burt’s Bees, Clairol, Beyond Beyond Magazine, Jay Manuel Beauty, Charleston Weddings, Rafaella Fit Your Shape campaign, Vogue Knitting, Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine, Walgreens, Bravado Designs, Target, L’Oreal, Dutch Cosmopolitan Magazine, Free People Magazine, Ray Ban, People Tree, Jimmy Bruch, The John Frieda Collection, Athleta, Champion, Miraclebody, Jones New York, Red Hearts Yarn, Adrianna Papell, LIJA Style, Spring 2014 Collection, Land's End Holiday 2014 Catalogue, Thyme Maternity, Target Maternity, Old Navy Maternity, Capezio 2014 catalogue, Sophia Tolli 2011 Bridal Collection, Lafayette 148 New York, SiO Beauty, KN Karen Neuburger, Lord & Taylor, and Zink Magazine.
  Moreover, Ann has graced the covers of Philadelphia Style Magazine and Washington, D.C. Style Magazine, and has walked the runway at Ellegirl presents Dare To Be You: Wal-Mart Meets America’s Next Top Models 2005, Alice and Olivia Fall 2006, Kara Saun Fall/Winter 2005, Richard TyleDelta Fall/Winter 2005, Harmon Fall/Winter 2005, Marc Bouwer Fall/Winter 2005, Cynthia Rowley Fall/Winter 2005, and Nicole Miller Fall/Winter 2005. During The 57th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, Ann and America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4 winner, Naima Mora, worked as the ceremony’s trophy girls.
  Since the show, Ann graced the cover of Bruce J. Nadler, M.D.’s novel, “The Nip Tuck Workout: Exercise through the Eyes of a Plastic Surgeon.” Like other ANTM alumni, Ann has branched into acting. Throughout the years, Ann has appeared in a number of acting projects including Project Runway, Sex, Love & Secrets, Made of Honor, Gossip Girl, Kings, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Bang, Choose, Lights Out, Blue Bloods, The Courier, Person of Interest, The Ones You Love, Delusions of Guinevere, The Good Wife, Club Life, and The Breaks.Ann has also appeared in a commercial for Wheat Thins and Travelocity. In 2016, she appeared in a short for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
  Ann has previously worked with Elite (New York), Elite Milano, Front Management (Miami), Images Management (New York), Model Management (Hamburg), and MC2 Model Management (Karin Models). Currently, Ann is signed with Wilhelmina New York (S Women’s Division), Wilhelmina Los Angeles (Women’s Division), Wilhelmina Miami (Fashion Women’s Division), Michael Howard Studios, and Nevs Model Agency (London) (Women Main Board).
  Ann got married in February 2013. Sometime in 2016, Ann gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
  Name: Amanda Swafford Placed: 3rd Age: 39 First Call Outs: 4 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 3 (@amanda_swafford) Instagram Followers: 2953 (@amandaswafford) Amanda Swafford on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 During Cycle 3, the judges were amazed by her photos, especially the un-retouched beauty shot that she took during the third week of the competition. When she went on her go sees in Japan, she was told that she was too old by one of the designers. She participated in the finale along with winner Eva Pigford and Yaya Da Costa, but Amanda was eliminated when she and Eva were in the bottom 2. The judges had a difficult time deciding whom to send home, as all three contestants had strong CoverGirl photos, and all 3 were considered strong contenders, but in the end, it was Amanda. One of the judges, Janice Dickinson, was a dissenting voice on the judging panel, saying, “I love you!” to Swafford when she was eliminated.
  POST-TOP MODEL Amanda has appeared on the covers of Felt It! Stitch It! Fabulous! Magazine, Bliss for Bride Magazine, and Access Magazine, and has modeled for Levi’s Jeans, Lacy Little Knits, The Austin Chronicle, Verve Magazine, ELLEmemoir, Shutterbug Magazine, Grove Arcade, Recyclone Designs, Royal Peasantry, Serenity + Scott 2013, The Beading Butterfly, Liz White Designs/Custom Couture, Serenity + Scott Spring 2015 collection, and WEBS. Amanda has walked the runway for ELLEgirl Presents: Dare To Be You. She has also appeared in shorts such as Worst-Case Scenario (which she co-wrote) and Lullaby.
  Since the show, Amanda has signed with Storm Model Management in New York City and Acclaim Talent Agency. Her FMD page lists Storm Models London as her current agency. According to a close friend, her retinitis pigmentosa has caused extreme difficulty to see in low lighting, contrary rumors that she has since gone completely blind. Amanda currently works as an aesthetic/style guru for Royal Peasantry. On the show, she was married but has since separate from the man. She has a son, Eli (who is a current high school freshman), with her previous husband. She is currently in a relationship with a new man. In October 25, she came out on her facebook to say she was drugged the night before, while she was attending one of her husband’s show.
  Name: Yaya DaCosta Placed: 2nd Age: 34 (will turn 35 on Nov 15th) First Call Outs: 2 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 29.8k (@yayadacosta) Instagram Followers: 172k (@yayadacosta) Yaya DaCosta on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Yaya DaCosta was a contestant on Cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model, where she came in second to Eva Pigford. On the show, Yaya showed insecurity regarding her skin, as she was still experiencing breakouts past puberty. While on the show, Yaya won 5 straight challenges (The race up the flight of stairs, the Go-Sees, The Red Carpet interview, The Acting challenge, and The Tea Ceremony. On the eigth episode (“The Girl Who Is Panic-Stricken”), the models were asked to choose a hat as part of their judging test. Yaya chose the cowboy hat, which surprised everyone since Yaya was the model who was proud of her african heritage. When asked why she did not choose the African hat, she claimed that she does not want to be a cliché. She claimed that the hat was made of a very artificial, very cheap kente. During the ninth episode (“The Girls Meet Taye Diggs”), during the judging session, the girls were set a test in which they had to read a commercial and eat umeboshi. Yaya chose to spit her umeboshi almost immediately after putting it in her mouth, which the judges said came across as very disrespectful to the client (if this were to happen in the real world).
  POST-TOP MODEL After finishing in second place in America’s Next Top Model, where she is considered one of the most memorable contestants, DaCosta went on to a successful career. She has modeled for Target, Olay, CharmaineLouise, DJU Clothing Company, Venus Clothing, Gap, Tom Ford’s A/W 2014 Collection, Isaac Mizrahi, Kohl’s, Seven Magazine, Interview Magazine, Essence Magazine, Hollywood Life Magazine, Jewel Magazine, COED Magazine, I Style Magazine, Elle Girl Presents Dare To Be You: Wal-Mart Meets America’s Next Top Model, Marc Bouwer Fall 2005, Seda, Garnier Fructis, Lincoln Townhouse, Glamour Magazine, Glamour Magazine Italy, Radioshack, Dr. Scholl’s, Sally Beauty Supply Magazine, Vibe Magazine, Venus, Terrazine Magazine, Voice of Diversity, The New York Post, Style Rocks Fashion Show (2005), Vogue Australia, Hype Hair Magazine, Chicago Sun-Times Splash, New York Magazine, Malibu Magazine, and Sephora. In 2010, she appeared in American Vogue, Esquire, L'Officiel and on the cover of W.
  In addition to modeling, Yaya is also acting and has in appeared in commercials for Radioshack and Garnier Fructis. She recently appeared in the movie Take the Lead with Antonio Banderas. She has also did modeling for Target and appeared in a few rap music videos (Chingy’s Pullin’ Me Back, Jay-Z’s Roc Boys, Raphael Saadiq’s Good Man.
  DaCosta began acting in 2005 after having a small role in an episode of Eve where she portrayed a character named Miss Jenkins. Her television credits include Cassandra Foster on All My Children, Vanessa on Racing For Time, Nico Slater on Ugly Betty, Audrina on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Brooke Sullivan on Mercy, Amber on Army Wives, Holly Bennett on Body of Proof, Anita on House, Amy on Dark Horse, Princess Kemi of Nigeria on The Simpsons, and currently as April Sexton on Chicago Fire and Chicago Med. DaCosta exited the role on All My Children some time in August 2008, less than four months after joining the show, to join the cast of “The First Breeze of Summer” on Broadway.
  2006 saw Yaya’s film debut in the film Take the Lead as LaRhette. She has also appeared in 2007’s Honeydripper as China Doll and in 2009’s Messenger as Monica Washington. In 2010 DaCosta had supporting roles in the films The Kids Are All Right (as Tanya) and Tron: Legacy (as Siren). In 2013 she also appeared as Carol in the film The Butler, starring Forest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey. Other movie credits include In Time, The Shanghai Hotel, Whole Lotta Sole, Mother of George, Big Words, And So It Goes, Bolden!, and The Nice Guys. In 2015, Yaya portrayed Whitney Houston in the self titled Biopic Whitney, directed by Angela Bassett.
  She is currently signed to Models 1 London and Ford Models New York. On June 26, 2012, DaCosta married independent movie producer and director Joshua Bee Alafia. She gave birth to the couple's first child, a son named Sankara, in September 2013. The couple parted ways in 2014.
  Name: Eva Marcille Placed: 1st Age: 33 First Call Outs: 2 Bottom 2: 2 Twitter Followers: 259k (@EvaMarcille) Instagram Followers: 1.7m (@evamarcille) Eva Marcille on IMDB
  ANTM CYCLE 3 Eva was the winner of the third cycle of America's Next Top Model, beating fellow contestants Yaya Da Costa and Amanda Swafford. Her prizes included a CoverGirl cosmetics contract, a spread in Elle, and a modeling contract with Ford Models. During the show, Eva won 2 challenges: The Heatherette runway show and the go-sees in Japan.
  POST-TOP MODEL Eva has appeared on the cover of Brides Noir, Women’s Health and Fitness (May 2005), King Magazine (June 2005), IONA (November 2005), Green Magazine, Obvious Magazine, Urban Lux Magazine, Kontrol Magazine, Sheen Magazine, HypeHair Magazine, and Essence Magazine. Her other modeling credits include CoverGirl, DKNY, Samsung, Red by Marc Ecko, Jewel magazine, In Touch Weekly magazine (June 2005), King magazine (November 2005), Black Girls Rule!, Vibe Vixen, Magazine, Today’s Black Woman Magazine, Magazine, UNleashed magazine, Star Magazine, Elle, Elle Girl,, Danskin, Active Imprints, Traci Lynn Jewelry, Koshie O Clothing, Ciroc Vodka, Phlaunt Hair, Applebottoms,Jasmine Ni'Cole Luxury Perucas, Shiekh Shoes, Lerner Catalog, UrbanSkinRx, Avon, and Rolling Out.
  Eva’s runway shows include the Marc Bouwer Fall 2005, Elle Girl presents Dare To Be You: Wal-Mart Meets America’s Next Top Model 2005, Gharani Strok Fall 2005, Deborah Lindquist Spring 2006, Naqada Spring 2006, 8th Annual ‘Models of Perfection’ Show 2006, and L.A. Fashion Week’s Monarchy Collection Fall 2007.
  Marcille has guest-starred on several series on UPN and The CW Network. Her guest-star credits include two episodes of Kevin Hill, one episode of Smallville, one episode of Everybody Hates Chris, and one episode of The Game as herself. Marcille has also appeared on Tyler Perry's House of Payne. In addition, Marcille hosted BET J's reality show My Model Looks Better Than Your Model, as well as Rip the Runway on BET. In 2005, Marcille appeared in a first-season episode of the MTV improv show Nick Cannon Presents Wild 'N Out. In 2008 she joined the cast of The Young and the Restless as a young mother named Tyra Hamilton. After a few months, her character, who was planned to be temporary was made permanent. She appeared in a June 2009 episode of the BET prank show Played by Fame, where contestants have nightmarish dates with celebrities. She also appeared on The Assistants as Alicia James. In 2010, Eva hosted the first season of the Oxygen reality series Hair Battle Spectacular. In 2011, Eva joined the cast of the tv series Let’s Stay Together. 2013 saw Eva’s appearance on the reality show Real Husbands of Hollywood. In 2014, Eva has also appeared on For the Love of Lockwood and FNL’s Model Monday. In 2015, Marcille starred as Tara on the tv series Born Again Virgin, appeared on tv mini series For the Love of Lockwood Too. In February 2016 she stars in a reality series called About The Business. Currently, she is competing on the VH1’s Scared Famous and on the tv series Hip Hop Squares.
  Eva’s film credits include 24 Hour Love, The Walk, Crossover, The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down, Premium, Note To Self, If You Really Love Me, The Fright Night Files, Fear Files, Sister Code, and I Think I Love My Wife. In 2017, Eva also appeared in Busted and Miss Me This Christmas. Furthermore, she has appeared in several music videos, including "Baby" by Angie Stone (featuring Betty Wright), 50 Cent's "I Get Money" and Jamie Foxx's "DJ Play a Love Song". She is also mentioned in Lil' Kim's song, "I Know You See Me" and Missy Elliott's "On & On".In August 2013, Marcille appeared in the video clip "J'accélère (I accelerate)" by French rapper Rohff.
  Eva has been signed to L.A. Models, Uber-Warning Models, and now Slamm Management - Atlanta. She started her own eyewear company, First Ave Eyewear. In July 2006, Marcille started dating Tyler Perry's House of Payne star Lance Gross. They got engaged on December 24, 2008 and split up in March 2010. She also dated rapper Flo Rida from 2010 to 2012. Since January 2013, she has been dating singer-songwriter Kevin McCall. Marcille gave birth to her first child, and McCall's second daughter; Marley Rae McCall on January 31, 2014. They ended their relationship in early 2015.
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2017.10.05 23:51 MsBluffy What's Going on in Columbia? October 5th-8th

AMERICAN ASSASSIN - A young CIA recruit named Mitch Rapp (Dylan O'Brien) trains to become a blackops counterterrorism agent under the tutelage of Stan Hurley (Michael Keaton), a fearsome warrior and legend within the agency. While Hurley advises never to make the mission personal, Rapp remains haunted by the death of his fiancée in a terrorist attack. Eventually, the two men must work together to stop a rogue operative from sowing chaos in the Middle East.
AMERICAN MADE - In this '80s-set thriller based on a true story, airline pilot Barry Seal (Tom Cruise) is recruited by the CIA to smuggle drugs and weapons abroad for the U.S. government. Seal quickly amasses a fortune via his undercover operations, but he gets in over his head when he becomes involved with Colombia's Medellín cartel and the Iran-contra scandal.
BLADE RUNNER 2049 - After discovering a long-buried secret that jeopardizes what's left of society, a new blade runner (Ryan Gosling) embarks on a quest to find Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), a former blade runner who's been missing for 30 years.
COLUMBUS - When a renowned architecture scholar falls suddenly ill during a speaking tour, his son Jin (John Cho) finds himself stranded in Columbus, Indiana, a small Midwestern city celebrated for its many significant modernist buildings, several of which were designed by Eero Saarinen (The Arch, Columbia's own Firestone Baars Chapel). Jin strikes up a friendship with Casey (Haley Lu Richardson), a young architecture enthusiast who works at the local library. As their intimacy develops, Jin and Casey explore both the town and their conflicted emotions: Jin's estranged relationship with his father, and Casey's reluctance to leave Columbus and her mother.
FLATLINERS - Eager to find out what the afterlife is like, five adventurous medical students seek out near-death experiences by stopping their hearts for a brief period of time. However, their haunting visions of the great beyond eventually turn nightmarish and take over their waking lives.
FRIEND REQUEST - When a college student unfriends a mysterious girl online, she finds herself fighting a demonic presence that wants to make her lonely by killing her closest friends.
GOOK - In 1992, two Korean-American brothers and director running a shoe store in South Central Los Angeles share a friendship with an 11-year-old Black girl who likes hanging out with them. As news of the verdict in the Rodney King beating case filters down during the day, their livelihood is upended. Gook is directed by Justin Chon.
THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD - A bodyguard (Ryan Reynolds) must protect a hitman (Samuel L. Jackson) who's about to testify against a dictator (Gary Oldman).
HOME AGAIN - A recently separated woman (Reese Witherspoon) moves to Los Angeles with her two daughters, where she rents out her guesthouse to three much younger men (Pico Alexander, Nat Wolff, and Jon Rudnitsky) -- one of whom she soon begins dating. Her new life gets even more complicated when her estranged husband (Michael Sheen) reenters the picture.
AN INCONVENIENT SEQUEL: TRUTH TO POWER - A sequel to The Inconvenient Truth, the follow-up documentary addresses the progress made to tackle the problem of climate change and Al Gore's global efforts to persuade governmental leaders to invest in renewable energy, culminating in the landmark signing of 2016's Paris Climate Agreement.
IT - In a small town in 1989 Maine, seven bullied kids known as the "Losers' Club" discover that a malevolent force is preying on the local children. When they realize that the town's adults can't protect them, they band together to destroy the monster, a killer clown called Pennywise (Bill Skarsgård).
LEAP! - In 19th century France, a young orphan named Félicie (voice of Elle Fanning) dreams of becoming a ballerina. She and her best friend Victor (voice of Dane DeHaan) soon run away to Paris, where she enrolls in a prestigious dance school and competes for a chance to be a prima ballerina.
THE LEGO NINJAGO MOVIE - Master Wu (Jackie Chan), as wise-cracking as he is wise, leads a fierce team of secret ninja warriors to defeat the evil warlord Garmadon (Justin Theroux) and save NINJAGO City.
LOGAN LUCKY - Two down-on-their-luck brothers (Channing Tatum and Adam Driver), fed up by their dismal economic prospects, plot an elaborate heist at the Charlotte Motor Speedway in North Carolina. When their plan calls for an explosives expert, they attempt to recruit an eccentric convict named Joe Bang (Daniel Craig) -- but securing his help will require breaking him out of prison.
KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE - When Kingsman's headquarters are destroyed and the world is held hostage, their journey leads them to the discovery of an allied spy organization in the US called Statesman, dating back to the day they were both founded.
MOTHER! - Terror strikes when a mysterious man and his family stay as guests in a couple's Victorian mansion.
THE MOUNTAIN BETWEEN US - Stranded after a tragic plane crash, two strangers must forge a connection to survive the extreme elements of a remote snow covered mountain. When they realize help is not coming, they embark on a perilous journey across the wilderness.
MY LITTLE PONY: THE MOVIE - A dark force threatens Ponyville, and the Mane 6 embark on an unforgettable journey beyond Equestria where they meet new friends and exciting challenges on a quest to use the magic of friendship to save their home.
WHOSE STREETS? - In 2014, protesters in Ferguson, Missouri, filled the streets after the shooting of Michael Brown by Darren Wilson. While the national news focused on footage of teens looting a QuikTrip, a more dramatic and intense story was unfolding: a community coming to terms with years of grief and rage. Folayan and Davis's clear-eyed, impassioned, and forceful documentary drops us into a community broken by the stark realities of racism and police brutality. But more than a mere exposé, Whose Streets? suggests a way forward, celebrating the emergence of a strong collective of inspiring, tireless community activists including David, a father who monitors police with his video camera, and Brittany, a registered nurse who combines the patience of Gandhi with the fierceness of Malcolm X. With nothing to gain except justice, these young civil rights leaders risk their bodies to fight, with galvanizing success, for equal access to the American Dream. This is what heroism looks like.
WIND RIVER - A U.S. Fish & Wildlife agent (Jeremy Renner) encounters a dead body on the Wind River Indian Reservation. The FBI sends in an agent (Elizabeth Olsen) to investigate. Startled by the harshness of the environment, she decides to hire the agent as a tracker, and together, they attempt to sort out what happened. Following Sicario and Hell Or High Water, Wind River is the third and final chapter in writer-director Taylor Sheridan's trilogy about life on the contemporary Western frontier. Wind River features an original score from Nick Cave and Warren Ellis.
RAGTAG CINEMA – 10 Hitt Street 573-443-4359
REGAL STADIUM 14 THEATER – 2800 Goodwin Pointe Drive 573-817-0770
GOODRICH FORUM 8 – 1209 Forum Katy Parkway 573-445-7469
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2017.05.08 18:03 Dictarium [DISCUSSION] My Pop Essential Albums List: Version 2

A True Pop Essentials List, Version 2
The last time I made one of these was about a year ago and I did it in 2 days because of a spontaneous conversation I had with theallrightgatsby. This time, I've taken around three weeks spread out over a few months, and put more thought into it as well.
I've done my best to compile a list of albums that, if you listen to front-to-back, will give you a perfectly crisp view of what pop music is, what it was, and what it could be in the future (though, as you'll see with the drastic change that's happened throughout the course of pop history, this is very difficult to predict).
There are 179 albums here. For artists who are sufficiently important but don't have a solid album-length body of work, a "Greatest Hits" record has been used. Hyperlinked to every decade header, you'll find a collage of all the albums in that decade for your bookmarking purposes if you'd rather view them like that.
Every album here, in my opinion, meets one or more of four criteria:
  1. Too popular to ignore (e.g. Nevermind)
  2. Incredibly influential (e.g. The Man-Machine)
  3. Incredibly high-quality pop album (e.g. Make It Big)
  4. High-quality album exemplary of a pop sub-genre that deserves recognition (e.g. Take Off Your Pants and Jacket)
One last note, I think it's silly to call an album that isn't even 3 years old "essential". For this reason, my list only goes up to 2014. Carly stans will have to wait a year before she is up for her first ballot.
Before I talk anymore, let's get to the albums themselves.


Year Artist Album Genre Highlight
1948 Rosemary Clooney Essential Rosemary Clooney traditional pop & big band "Mambo Italiano"
1954 Nat "King" Cole Unforgettable traditional pop & jazz "Answer Me, My Love"
1955 Frank Sinatra In The Wee Small Hours blues "Mood Indigo"
1956 Elvis Presley Elvis Presley rock'n'roll & blues "Blue Suede Shoes"
1957 Ray Charles Ray Charles blues & jazz "I've Got A Woman"
1958 Frank Sinatra Come Fly With Me traditional pop & big band "Come Fly With Me"
1959 Chuck Berry Berry Is On Top rock'n'roll "Johnny B. Goode"
1978 Hank Williams 40 Greatest Hits country "Hey, Good Lookin
1988 Perry Como All Time Greatest Hits traditional pop "Magic Moments"
2003 Patti Page The Millennium Collection traditional pop & country "Tennessee Waltz"


Year Artist Album Genre Highlight
1960 Elvis Presley Elvis is Back! rock'n'roll & blues "The Girl Next Door Went A' Walking"
1962 Peter, Paul & Mary Peter, Paul & Mary folk "Where Have All The Flowers Gone"
1962 The Four Seasons Sherry & 11 Other Hits traditional pop & pop rock "Big Girls Don't Cry"
1962 Bobby Vinton The Best of Bobby Vinton traditional pop "Mr. Lonely"
1963 The Beatles With the Beatles rock'n'roll "All My Loving"
1963 The Beach Boys Surfin' USA surf rock "Surfin' USA"
1964 The Ronettes Presenting the Fabulous Ronettes baroque pop & traditional pop "Be My Baby"
1964 The Supremes Where Did Our Love Go r&b & soul "Baby Love"
1964 Johnny Cash I Walk the Line country "Folsom Prison Blues"
1965 Bob Dylan Highway 61 Revisited folk & blues "Tombstone Blues"
1965 The Rolling Stones Out of Our Heads r&b & rock'n'roll "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"
1965 Otis Redding Otis Blue soul "Change Gonna Come"
1966 The Beatles Revolver psych rock & pop rock "Yellow Submarine"
1966 The Beach Boys Pet Sounds surf rock & baroque pop "God Only Knows"
1966 The Supremes The Supremes A' Go-Go doo-wop & soul "You Can't Hurry Love"
1967 The Temptations With a Lot o' Soul soul "All I Need"
1967 The Beatles Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band psych rock & baroque pop "With A Little Help From My Friends"
1967 Love Forever Changes psych rock & psych pop "Alone Again Or"
1967 The Jimi Hendrix Experience Are You Experienced? psych rock "Purple Haze"
1967 Marvin Gaye & Tami Tarrell United soul "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"
1967 Loretta Lynn Don't Come Home A' Drinkin' country "Don't Come Home A' Drinkin'"
1967 Leonard Cohen Songs of Leonard Cohen folk "Suzanne"
1968 Sly & The Family Stone Dance to the Music funk & soul "Dance to the Music"
1968 The Byrds Sweetheart of the Rodeo country rock "You Ain't Goin' Nowhere"
1969 The Beatles Abbey Road classic rock & pop rock "Something"


Year Artist Album Genre Highlight
1971 The Beach Boys Surf's Up pop rock "Surf's Up"
1971 Marvin Gaye What's Going On r&b & soul "God Is Love"
1971 Sly & The Family Stone There's a Riot Goin' On funk "Family Affair"
1971 Carole King Tapestry singer-songwriter "I Feel the Earth Move"
1971 John Denver Poems, Prayers and Promises folk & singer-songwriter "Take Me Home, Country Roads"
1972 David Bowie Ziggy Stardust glam rock "Starman"
1973 Stevie Wonder Innervisions r&b & soul "Higher Ground"
1973 Elton John Goodbye Yellow Brick Road piano rock "Bennie and the Jets"
1973 Paul McCartney and Wings Band on the Run pop rock "Band on the Run"
1975 Parliament Mothership Connection funk & soul "Give Up the Funk"
1975 Queen A Night at the Opera glam rock & hard rock "You're My Best Friend"
1976 Boston Boston arena rock "More Than a Feeling"
1976 The Eagles Hotel California classic rock & glam rock "Hotel California"
1977 Bee Gees & Various Artists Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack disco & soul "Stayin' Alive"
1977 Fleetwood Mac Rumours glam folk "Dreams"
1977 Kraftwerk The Man-Machine synthpop & electronic "The Robots"
1977 David Bowie Low art rock & art pop "Sound and Vision"
1977 Elvis Costello My Aim is True retro rock & pop rock "Alison"
1977 Earth, Wind & Fire All 'N All funk "Serpentine Fire"
1978 Blondie Parallel Lines power pop "Heart of Glass"
1978 Chic C'est Chic disco "Le Freak"
1978 Various Artists Grease retro pop "You're the One That I Want"
1979 Michael Jackson Off the Wall disco "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"
1979 Donna Summer Bad Girls disco "Hot Stuff"
2008 ABBA Gold: Greatest Hits disco "Dancing Queen"


Year Artist Album Genre Highlight
1980 Talking Heads Remain in Light new wave & afrofunk "Houses in Motion"
1980 Diana Ross Diana pop soul "Tenderness"
1981 Olivia Newton-John Physical dance-pop "Physical"
1982 Michael Jackson Thriller synth pop "Baby Be Mine"
1982 Alabama Mountain Music pop country "Mountain Music"
1982 Duran Duran Rio new wave "Hungry Like The Wolf"
1982 Hall & Oates H20 soul & new wave "Maneater"
1982 Prince 1999 funk & synthpop "Little Red Corvette"
1982 Marvin Gaye Midnight Love r&b & soul "Sexual Healing"
1983 The Police Synchronicity reggae & new wave "Every Breath You Take"
1983 New Order Power, Corruption & Lies new wave "Age of Consent"
1983 Lionel Ritchie Can't Slow Down r&b & soul "All Night Long (All Night)"
1983 Cyndi Lauper She's So Unusual teen pop "Time After Time"
1983 David Bowie Let's Dance dance-pop "Let's Dance"
1984 Prince and the Revolution Purple Rain pop rock & synthpop "Let's Go Crazy"
1984 New Edition New Edition r&b & soul "Mr. Telephone Man"
1984 Bruce Springsteen Born in the U.S.A. classic rock & pop "Dancing in the Dark"
1984 Wham! Make It Big dance-pop "Heartbeat"
1985 Tears for Fears Songs from the Big Chair new wave "Shout"
1985 Phil Collins No Jacket Required pop rock & dance-pop "One More Night"
1985 Kate Bush Hounds of Love art pop "Running Up That Hill"
1986 Madonna True Blue dance-pop "Papa Don't Preach"
1986 Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet hair metal "Wanted Dead or Alive"
1986 Pet Shop Boys Please dance-pop & electronic "West End Girls"
1986 The Smiths The Queen is Dead indie pop & goth rock "Frankly, Mr. Shankly"
1987 Whitney Houston Whitney synth pop "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
1987 Michael Jackson Bad hard rock & funk & soul "The Way You Make Me Feel"
1987 George Michael Faith adult-contemporary "Faith"
1987 U2 The Joshua Tree alternative rock "Where the Streets Have No Name"
1988 DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper pop rap "Time to Chill"
1988 Tracy Chapman Tracy Chapman folk rock "Fast Car"
1989 Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation 1814 r&b & hip-hop "Black Cat"
1989 Madonna Like a Prayer electronic & pop rock "Like a Prayer"


Year Artist Album Genre Highlight
1990 Whitney Houston I'm Your Baby Tonight r&b & new jack swing "I'm Your Baby Tonight"
1990 Depeche Mode Violator electropop & alt. rock "Personal Jesus"
1991 Michael Jackson Dangerous r&b & new jack swing "Black or White"
1991 Nirvana Nevermind grunge "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
1991 Pearl Jam Ten grunge "Even Flow"
1992 Dr. Dre The Chronic west coast hip-hop & gangsta rap "Nuthin But A 'G' Thang"
1993 Counting Crows August and Everything After alternative rock "Mr. Jones"
1993 Mariah Carey Music Box adult contemporary & r&b "Dreamlover"
1994 Green Day Dookie pop punk "When I Come Around"
1994 Weezer Weezer alternative rock & power pop "Buddy Holly"
1994 The Notorious BIG Ready to Die east coast hip-hop "Juicy"
1994 Boyz II Men II r&b & hip-hop pop "I'll Make Love to You"
1994 TLC CrazySexyCool r&b & hip-hop pop "Waterfall"
1995 No Doubt Tragic Kingdom ska punk "Don't Speak"
1995 Mariah Carey Daydream adult contemporary & r&b "Always Be My Baby"
1995 Alanis Morisette Jagged Little Pill alternative rock & pop rock "Hand In My Pocket"
1995 Selena Dreaming of You latin pop "Dreaming of You"
1995 Björk Post art pop "It's Oh So Quiet"
1995 Oasis (What's the Story) Morning Glory? britpop "Wonderwall"
1996 Spice Girls Spice teen pop & dance-pop "Wannabe"
1997 Mariah Carey Butterfly r&b & hip-hop pop "Butterfly"
1997 *NSYNC *NSYNC teen pop "I Want You Back"
1997 Janet Jackson The Velvet Rope r&b "Together Again"
1997 Shania Twain Come On Over pop country & adult contemporary "You're Still the One"
1998 Madonna Ray of Light dance-pop "Frozen"
1998 Cher Believe techno pop & synthpop "Believe"
1998 Lauryn Hill The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill hip-hop & neo-soul "Doo Wop (That Thing)"
1999 Backstreet Boys Millennium teen pop "I Want It That Way"
1999 Eminem The Slim Shady LP hip-hop "My Name Is"
1999 Britney Spears ...Baby One More Time teen pop "...Baby One More Time"


Year Artist Album Genre Highlight
2000 Eminem The Marshall Mathers LP hip-hop "Stan"
2000 Britney Spears Oops!... I Did It Again teen pop "Oops!... I Did It Again"
2000 *NSYNC No Strings Attached teen pop "It's Gonna Be Me"
2001 Blink-182 Take Off Your Pants and Jacket pop punk "First Date"
2001 Kylie Minogue Fever dancepop & europop "In Your Eyes"
2001 Daft Punk Discovery house & electropop & disco "One More Time"
2002 Maroon 5 Songs about Janes pop rock "This Love"
2002 Coldplay A Rush of Blood to the Head piano rock & britpop "Clocks"
2003 50 Cent Get Rich or Die Tryin' pop rap & gangsta rap "In Da Club"
2003 Alicia Keys The Diary of Alicia Keys neo-soul & r&b "If I Ain't Got You"
2003 The White Stripes Elephant alternative rock "Seven Nation Army"
2004 Usher Confessions r&b "Confessions Part II"
2005 Fall Out Boy Form Under the Cork Tree pop punk & emo "Dance, Dance"
2005 Jack Johnson In Between Dreams acoustic pop "Better Together"
2005 Fiona Apple Extraordinary Machine art pop & jazz pop "Better Version of Me"
2006 Fergie The Dutchess hip-hop pop & dance-pop "Fergalicious"
2006 Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveSounds dance-pop & r&b "SexyBack"
2006 My Chemical Romance The Black Parade pop punk & emo "Teenagers"
2006 John Mayer Continuum blues pop & acoustic pop "Vultures"
2006 Amy Winehouse Back to Black r&b & soul "Rehab"
2006 The Knife Silent Shout synthpop & techno "Forest Families"
2007 Kanye West Graduation pop rap "Good Life"
2007 Britney Spears Blackout dance-pop & synthpop "Gimme More"
2007 Mark Ronson Version motown & funk & pop soul "Oh My God"
2007 Rihanna Good Girl Gone Bad dance-pop "Don't Stop the Music"
2007 T-Pain Epiphany pop rap "Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')"
2007 M.I.A. Kala world & hip-hop pop "Boyz"
2007 MGMT Oracular Spectacular electropop "Electric Feel"
2008 Kanye West 808s and Heartbreak pop r&b & synthpop "Street Lights"
2008 Beyoncé I Am... Sasha Fierce pop r&b "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)"
2008 Lady Gaga The Fame dance pop & disco "Just Dance"
2008 T.I. Paper Trail southern hip-hop & pop rap Whatever You Like
2009 Rihanna Rated R r&b & hip-hop pop "Rude Boy"
2009 Lady Gaga The Fame Monster dance pop "Bad Romance"
2009 The Black Eyed Peas The E.N.D hip-hop pop & EDM "I Gotta Feeling"


Year Artist Album Genre Highlight
2010 Kanye West My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy arena rap "Power"
2010 Bruno Mars Doo-Wops & Hooligans pop r&b & soul "Just the Way You Are"
2010 Justin Bieber My World 2.0 teen pop "Baby"
2010 Janelle Monae The ArchAndroid neo-soul & r&b "Dance or Die"
2010 Ellie Goulding Lights synthpop "Lights"
2010 Katy Perry Teenage Dream teen pop "California Gurls"
2011 Adele 21 pop soul "Someone Like You"
2011 Skrillex Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites EP progressive house & dubstep "With You, Friends (Long Drive)"
2011 Beyoncé 4 pop r&b & soul "Countdown"
2011 Drake Take Care hip-hop & r&b "Marvin's Room"
2012 Frank Ocean Channel Orange alternative r&b "Super Rich Kids"
2012 Calvin Harris 18 Months electro house & dance-pop "Feel So Close"
2012 Bruno Mars Unorthodox Jukebox pop r&b & soul "Young Girls"
2012 Lana Del Rey Born to Die alternative pop "Summertime Sadness"
2012 Passion Pit Gossamer indie pop & synthpop "Carried Away"
2012 Taylor Swift Red country pop "The Last Time"
2012 Beach House Bloom dream pop "On the Sea"
2013 Lorde Pure Heroine indie pop & ambient pop "Ribs"
2013 Beyoncé Beyoncé alternative r&b "Partition"
2014 Taylor Swift 1989 dance-pop "Style"


that list is quite daunting. It's 179 albums, but at about 25 albums per decade early on and later going up to about 35 albums per decade, that's only about 2-4 albums per year which even then seems incredibly restrictive. But, regardless, you may be saying to yourself, "Self, that sure is a shitload of albums," and your Self may respond "Yeah, it is. Isn't there an easier way to get acquainted with pop as a genre?"
Yes, yes there is.
This time around, I'm including something I'm gonna call (for lack of a better name; suggest some in the comments if you think this one's shit) the "Platinum Essentials". This is a list of 50 albums picked from the list above that is a much more of a handshake than a hug with the pop genre, but should still give you a pretty good understanding of it.
Maybe once you've tackled those 50 albums, you can dive deeper into this list!
Anyway, here's the

Platinum Essentials List

"Golly gee. 50 still is an awful large number," you might be continuing say. I agree, it is! So what I've gone ahead and done is put together 7 playlists of all of the "Highlight" songs from the list that you can breeze through in, like, 11-12 hours.
Here they are:
  • The Chronic is not on spotify. I've replaced a song from that with a song from Dr. Dre's 1999 album, 2001.
  • Taylor Swift's entire discography is not on Spotify. She is not included in the playlists as a result.

Fun Statistics

It's hard enough to make one essential pop album, but more than one?! That's crazy! Here's the artists who appeared multiple times on the list.
Two Times
  • Frank Sinatra
  • Elvis Presley
  • The Supremes
  • Sly & The Family Stone
  • Prince
  • George Michael (one with Wham!)
  • Janet Jackson
  • Eminem
  • Taylor Swift
  • Rihanna
  • Lady Gaga
  • Bruno Mars
  • *NSYNC
  • Fergie (one with the Black Eyed Peas)
Three Times
  • The Beach Bys
  • Marvin Gaye (one with Tami Tarrell)
  • Diana Ross (two with The Supremes)
  • David Bowie
  • Mariah Carey
  • Whitney Houston
  • Madonna
  • Britney Spears
  • Kanye West
  • Justin Timberlake (two with *NSYNC)
  • Beyoncé
Four Times
  • The Beatles
  • Michael Jackson (across three decades!!)
Five Times
  • Paul McCartney (four with The Beatles)
Here are the years with the most essential albums:
Seven Albums
  • 2007
  • 1967
  • 2012
Six Albums
  • 1995
  • 2006
  • 1982
  • 1977
  • 2010
Five Albums
  • 1994
  • 1983
  • 1971


  1. Are there any glaring omissions in your eyes? Anything that has no business being here?
  2. How many of these albums have you listened to? As a frame of reference in case you're discouraged, I've only listened to 75 front-to-back and I made the damn list!
  3. What do you think makes an album "essential"?
  4. Starting next week (I think), I want to bring back the Essential Pop Album of the Week segment I used to do. What albums should I start out with? Also, the reason I stopped it before was because it was just annoying to do every week. If anybody wants to volunteer to do a particular album as a guest writer, let me know. I'll come up with a template of some kind and find a date for you or something.
submitted by Dictarium to popheads [link] [comments]

2016.01.06 05:55 JaguarGator9 JaguarGator9's History of Halftime- Day 9: Super Bowl XXV Halftime Show (Disney & New Kids on the Block)

We’re now past the halfway point of the Transition Era (Super Bowl XXII through Super Bowl XXVI), and we’re one step closer to reaching the moment that everything changed in halftime show history. For now, we have to get through two halftime shows that not many people saw. One of them was by choice (and was the main reason that the NFL finally decided to take the halftime show seriously and get marquee stars and artists to perform), and the other was due to war.
The period between 1989-1991 was a strange period in Super Bowl history, because you can honestly say that up until that point, Super Bowls XXIII and XXV were the best Super Bowls played, and Super Bowl XXIV was the worst Super Bowl played. It was also a strange time for the halftime show as well. In that timeframe, you had a really bad Elvis impersonator that did magic, a tribute to New Orleans featuring the Peanuts, and a Disney halftime show featuring New Kids on the Block. Yes, you read that right- New Kids on the Block at the Super Bowl halftime show combined with a Disney theme. What could possibly go wrong? Pretty much everything. Well, let’s just dive right in and review the halftime show that nobody saw (NOTE: This one is the longest one yet at 6,000 words, so be prepared, because my thoughts are strong with this one).
Background Information
The two main things to focus on with background information deal with Disney and the Gulf War. We’ll start with Disney. I’ve already talked about them at length, because this is their fourth Super Bowl halftime show ever. They did the Super Bowl XI halftime show, and then, had a stretch where they did the halftime show three times in eight possible tries. They did a salute to the silver screen at Super Bowl XVIII, and a salute to Hollywood at Super Bowl XXI. The verdicts on those two for me was that they both were not good, but the Super Bowl XXI halftime show was significantly better (even if it was just a more polished re-hash of their last halftime show). The NFL thought that it would be a good idea to give them their fourth halftime show, and this established Disney as the marquee halftime show producer (though not by quality).
The interesting thing that I find with Disney halftime shows at the Super Bowl is the locations that the shows were taking place at. Super Bowl XI was held at the Rose Bowl in California, near Disneyland. Super Bowl XVIII was held at Tampa Stadium, which is in Florida (same state as Disney World; note that there has never been and most likely never will be an NFL team in Orlando). Super Bowl XXI was held at the Rose Bowl, and Super Bowl XXV was held at Tampa Stadium. Then, Super Bowl XXIX was held at Joe Robbie Stadium in Miami (also in the state of Florida). And, to cap it all off, Super Bowl XXXIV was held at… the Georgia Dome in Atlanta. Not sure why Disney did that halftime show, but we’ll cross that bridge in a week and a half when we get to it.
Of course, I can’t mention this halftime show without talking about the Gulf War. The war was so huge that security really increased for this halftime show, and this is a good article from The New York Times on that. You can see more about what I was talking about in the Four Falls of Buffalo documentary on 30 for 30 (which was one of my top five 30 for 30s ever done), and how Bill Polian wanted to get a better view of the field and tried to go on the roof of the stadium, but the entire roof was covered with security guards. A lot of pregame things were done on the Gulf War (and in the Super Bowl database that I link at the bottom of each post, you can click on the individual pregame notes and see for yourself how patriotic this game was). The national anthem was performed by Whitney Houston, and to this date, many regard that as the best rendition of the anthem of all-time (and rightfully so). According to the Four Falls of Buffalo documentary, there wasn’t a dry eye in the stadium, and I can believe it, even though I wasn’t there or even alive at the time.
And, the halftime show even reflected this. You’re going to see, for better or worse, a lot of references to the Gulf War in this halftime show. However, there were only a few ABC affiliates that actually aired the show. In actuality, when halftime of Super Bowl XXV hit, most people saw this ABC News update. This has never been repeated before in the history of the Super Bowl, and considering the magnitude of the halftime show today (it gets more viewers than the actual game does), it likely never will. It was just a different set of circumstances. I’m not going to review that halftime show, but I’m going to review the one that was actually on the field.
I wrote about this in a 25 Days of Super Bowl post, but ABC affiliates had a choice. One (which I can’t verify, but I don’t think any affiliate did this) was air the halftime show live and not air the ABC News report. Two, air the halftime show after the Super Bowl. Three, air the lead-out program (the pilot episode of “Davis Rules”) and then air the halftime show after that. Four, don’t air the halftime show at all. Most affiliates chose option #3, but this halftime show is forgotten for the reason that most people didn’t see the halftime show at all (because obviously, the audience an hour after the Super Bowl is significantly lower than the audience during halftime of the Super Bowl). This was also a different era for lead-out programs, because most lead-out programs bombed (“Davis Rules" only lasted two seasons, and the second season was aired on CBS, as ABC dropped it after one season). It really wasn’t until NBC decided to air an episode of “Friends” after Super Bowl XXX, saw that it got close to 53 million viewers and retained about 60% of its viewership from the Super Bowl, that networks realized that airing popular programming after the Super Bowl was a good idea. If I got the theme song from that show stuck in your head now, I’m not sorry. That’s your brief history of the Super Bowl lead-out program (and no, I’m not doing a series on that one).
So, how does this halftime show that wasn’t really a halftime show except for the 73,813 people in the stadium hold up?
The Show
Full Show
NOTE: Because this halftime show wasn’t televised until afterwards, very little footage of the entire show exists. This is the only footage that I can find. As you can tell, the quality isn’t great. The camera spazzes out for a good ten seconds towards the minute mark, but if you can get past that, the camera gets more steady as the show progresses. However, there is a clear video recording of the NKOTB portion of the halftime show, which you can find with this link
After that lengthy background information portion, let’s just get straight into this halftime show, which is now the fourth one done by Disney. The theme for this one, surprisingly enough, isn’t Hollywood (glad to see Disney change it up). Rather, this show is dedicated to the servicemen and servicewomen protecting the United States in the Persian Gulf, and it’s a small world salute to 25 years of the Super Bowl (along with a bunch of other different things that don’t make a whole lot of sense, but we’ll get to later).
Immediately, you might want to turn this off when you see the kid reporter announcing that this is the first ever Super Bowl halftime show to be entirely done by kids. And, as someone who has sat through this halftime show multiple times to give you this review, I wouldn’t blame you. For the record, I have no problem with kid performers. I had no problem with the Jackson 5, I had no problem with Jackie Evancho on “America’s Got Talent” (and I actually thought she got robbed over Michael Grimm, though Fighting Gravity should’ve won that season), and there are many other examples. However, when kids aren’t talented but are used as cuteness or as an excuse, that’s when I have an issue. I’m not going to be looking at this halftime show any differently because most of the performers are kids, and why should I? Doesn’t matter how old or young you are- entertainment is entertainment, plain and simple. If I’m not entertained, I’m not entertained; my standards are exactly the same. There’s a reason why I preface this, and it’ll be painfully obvious within the first four minutes of the show.
As soon as the introduction is done, we get a bunch of kids dressed up in cheerleading uniforms. And, five seconds in, I want to turn this show off. I’ll give Up with People credit from Super Bowl XX- at least I waited five minutes before I wanted to turn that show off. Heck, even with Super Bowl XIX, I made it thirty seconds before face-palming and just wanting to give up. Here, I don’t even make it five seconds. The song is high pitched and is impossible to understand. It’s annoying, it’s just randomly shouting football terminology, and it’s hard to listen to. Remember how I was mentioning how having kids is not an excuse for stinking? Well, this is what I mean, because the choreography is the worst I’ve ever seen. You’re lucky if in a singular group, three of the girls are in sync. I’ve criticized choreography at halftime shows before, but I criticized it for being boring or for not doing enough. I never criticized the choreography for being so bad that I was able to pick out every single performer like a sore thumb. When the cheerleaders jump about a minute in, I kid you not, half of them land on time, and one of them is still in mid-air when the camera cuts away (if you look really closely towards the back row, you can see it). That’s when you know it’s going to be a long show.
And I’m sorry… WHAT IS THE MESSAGE OF THIS SONG? Once the song gets to something that’s can be understood by species that are not dogs, the lyrics are highly questionable (and this is Disney we’re talking about). “You’ve got to be a football hero to get along with the beautiful girls.” Just imagine that line being sung nowadays. First off, you don’t have to be a football player to get along with the beautiful girls. And secondly, ask Ray Rice, Greg Hardy, or any of the other players accused of domestic violence how that worked out for them. They were football heroes; heck, Ray Rice was on a possibly Hall of Fame path… and then, they didn’t get along with the beautiful girls. Highly questionable stuff there, and I don’t think I’m overanalyzing it at all. When the choreography is awful and the FIRST LINE OF THE SONG rubs you the wrong way, you know it’s going to be rough. We’ve still got about thirteen minutes to go, and already I want to lock myself in a room and watch the Black Eyed Peas at Super Bowl XLV for 12 hours straight.
Then, Minnie Mouse brings out Warren Moon for some reason. Why, he’s there in the stadium or in the halftime show, I’ve got absolutely no idea. Minnie repeats the same exact lyrics that were in the first verse, and the announcers don’t even introduce Warren Moon. I have no idea what the point of this entire scene is, or why it exists. Firstly, why Warren Moon? He’s got no connection whatsoever to Tampa or the Super Bowl, seeing how he never lived in Tampa in his lie, and how he never played in a Super Bowl. Secondly, I know we have the benefit of hindsight, but ask Warren Moon how being a football hero and getting the beautiful girl worked out for him. Surprisingly, the answer is… not too well. And thirdly, why would you not introduce him? At least with Mickey Rooney at Super Bowl XXI, they put his name on the screen and introduced him for all of five seconds. Was it really too much to ask to just put his name up on the screen? There’s so much wrong with this scene- it’s repetitive from the first verse, Minnie’s voice is annoying in song form like this, the lyrics are the same, and Warren Moon is on stage for no apparent reason, yet, nobody seems to acknowledge him.
Once the cheerleaders are done performing, Moon leaves the stage, and we get more kids coming onto the field. The singers feel the need to perform the theme song to “Rocky” (because this game is clearly being played in Philadelphia, and this game is clearly a salute to boxing). For some reason, the football players on the field now have batons in their hands. They don’t wave them or anything like that… they just have them, and then immediately put them down once the five second song is over. This show lacks all logic… and we haven’t even gotten to the worst part of the halftime show yet.
Goofy and Roger Rabbit now come onto the stage, and I have a bit of a problem with their presence as well. Goofy doesn’t sing in this one or do anything stupid, so I actually don’t mind him here. However, it’s Roger Rabbit that I have a problem with, simply because it doesn’t fit. The Disney formula for the halftime show is to have the main Disney characters perform and have dialogue and be center-stage, and then only bring out the side characters later at the end. These main characters are the ones that were in the old cartoons and will be public domain in about a decade (shamelessly copied from todayilearned), such as Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Donald Duck, and Minnie Mouse. Roger Rabbit was created in 1988. I don’t really associate him with Disney like I do with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. That might’ve just been a pop culture reference, considering the fact that the movie with him came out in 1988 and this halftime show was produced in 1991, but still, it’s a bit confusing.
Roger Rabbit acts as the coach here for these football players, and the best part about this is that Roger Rabbit is giving the dialogue, and none of the choreography matches. Roger Rabbit tells the kids to go right and then go left, yet, they only go right. They don’t change direction (or they do so very slowly), and they drop to the floor for no reason. Bonus points for the camera-man that decides to focus on the one girl football player that’s completely out of sync with the rest of the choreography. And why would Roger Rabbit ask Goofy to show them how it’s done when he’s the only one that’s not on the ground? Again, this show lacks the simple concept of logic, and that’s kind of important. But wait… isn’t New Kids on the Block, an actual A-list group, in this halftime show? When do they come on? Well, you’re going to have to keep waiting, and when the payoff comes, you’ll be sorely disappointed.
The kids then do jumping jacks (which are some of the least athletic jumping jacks you’ll see), and the “Rocky” theme plays again. Yes, they’re playing the same song twice, but what if I told you that later, they played a song three times? Stay tuned for that development. Anyways, once that’s done, they just break into dance for some reason. Kids that are referees come onto the stage alongside Chip n’ Dale, and in fairness, the referee dancers are actually the best dancers here. There’s actually some resemblance of tight choreography here (at least with the ones on stage), though not much. Then, for a minute (I can’t make this up), the song literally NAMES THE TEAMS IN THE NFL. There’s nothing more than that. The dancing isn’t anything noteworthy, there’s no guest appearances- they’re just naming teams.
Of course, in the middle of that, they have a dance break to “U Can’t Touch This” (because why wouldn’t they stop for hammer time?), but my favorite part is when the kid just yells “Buffalo” completely out of breath and out of nowhere. I’m assuming they pumped crowd noise in for this one Atlanta Falcons style, because there’s no way the stadium cheered when that happened (they were too bored to notice). Also, there was an actual line that said “The Broncos are tough.” Yep, the Broncos in the 1990 NFL season were real tough. They had an incredible record of 5-11. They had the worst record in the AFC West, had the #4 pick in the NFL Draft that year, and allowed 374 points, which was the third most in the conference that year. But yep, they were tough. This is another one of those logic moments that makes no sense. Number one, this isn’t hindsight we’re talking about here- Super Bowl XXV was the championship of the 1990 NFL season, so you knew the results beforehand. You could’ve inserted any other team here and it would’ve probably worked. Number two, you actually gave a line of dialogue to the Denver Broncos, but only had one word for Buffalo which came completely out of nowhere? It’s not like there was a rhyming scheme with the teams, so why didn’t you just re-write the song and change some lyrics around? Would it really have killed you to swap the “Buffalo!” line with “Denver!”, and then swap “The Broncos are tough” with “The Bills are tough”? Would it really have killed you to swap the mentioning of the Giants with the mentioning of the Steelers and then have “The Giants are rough” instead of “The Steelers are rough” (who didn’t even make the playoffs that year, but they went 9-7 and had the best defense in the AFC in terms of points allowed, so I’ll somewhat forgive Disney for that and let that slide)? This entire scene is, yet again, a head-scratching moment. The worst part? We’re not even a third of the way through the halftime show.
There’s a pre-taped portion where they actually say the line “Slam it.” I’m really feeling this salute to the Super Bowl theme with the “Rocky” music in the background and the line “Slam it” in a song. Then, there’s a line that says, “The New York Jets jam it.” I… I don’t think that works. Then, they sing “I Need a Hero” completely out of left field (there’s no transition whatsoever). Wait a second… don’t you have a football hero there anyways? You brought Warren Moon out three minutes beforehand, and technically, he qualifies as a football hero. That makes this song sequence redundant and completely unnecessary. They only sing two lines of that song before we go into one of the most awkward moments, if not, the most awkward moment in Super Bowl halftime show history.
I’m going to paint you the scene. Imagine that you’re watching a six year old kid sing all by himself at karaoke. He gets up there and sings that really slow song that you know mommy likes on the radio. Everyone’s paying attention to him, and he gets up there (even though he has a bit of stage fright), and sings. Of course, he’s trying… but of course, he stinks. He’s really painful to listen to, but you’re proud of him anyways for getting up there and trying (even though he just completely butchered that song and you’ll never be able to listen to it the same way again). Everyone in the audience either has two reactions- they want it to end, or they think he’s cute (I’d be in the former, but that’s just me), but the kid thinks he’s really good. It’s an awkward moment all around. And, to make the moment more awkward, he performs the slowest song imaginable.
Did I paint a pretty good picture there? Now, let’s throw him in a football uniform, put him on center stage at Tampa Stadium, and have him sing by himself at halftime of the Super Bowl in front of millions of people around the world. BECAUSE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. THEY ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.
And if you think I’m exaggerating with this, I’m not. They actually put this kid on stage at the Super Bowl, gave him the mic, and let him sing a slow song about the men and women serving in the Gulf War. It’s about as bad, as painful, and as ear-bleeding as you can imagine, and I don’t even think he’s singing live. He sings “Wind Beneath My Wings,” and completely butchers that song (although, having been to a few karaoke nights, he’s definitely not the first to butcher it, nor will he be the last). There are certain moments where I have to pause the halftime show that I’m watching and either just shake my head, laugh, or just yell at myself for no reason. This moment was a combination of all three of those. This entire show is a train-wreck and a steaming pile of hot garbage, but this may be the worst moment ever. Unfortunately, this kid sings more than New Kids on the Block end up singing at the show. At least with Super Bowl XXIII and the magic trick by Elvis Presto, that was so bad that it was good. It was laughably bad. This isn’t laughably bad, because when a kid messes up, it’s not laughably bad. This is just a moment that you wish would end sooner rather than later.
Then, they cut away to footage of soldiers fighting in the Gulf War briefly while the kid is singing. Once the kid is finally done singing, kids representing all fifty states and all branches of the military come out onto the field. We then get a moment of silence where literally all of the music stops. That ends after about twenty seconds, the music picks back up again, and we get a pre-taped message by George H.W. Bush and the First Lady of the United States. Together, they speak about how the next generation is bright, and how today should be about recognizing the armed forces far away from home that are protecting freedom. He speaks for roughly one minute, and we get a playing of “America the Beautiful” over his final lines of dialogue. And, he actually ends his speech with, “God bless all freedom loving people around the world.” “America the Beautiful” ends, and everyone’s waving an American flag on the field.
To say that I have so many problems with this segment is an understatement. My biggest problem is that they literally stopped the halftime show to talk about the war. They thought it would be a good idea to have the halftime show feature a pre-taped message by the POTUS and have all of the kids on the field hold an American flag, and salute the kids whose parents were fighting in the war. There are so many ways that you could go about this, and you chose the COMPLETELY WRONG WAY.
For one, you don’t stop the halftime show to pull this off. Can you mention this and dedicate a section of the show to this issue? Absolutely. However, you do it within the flow of the show. You don’t literally stop the music, have a pre-taped message by the President of the United States, and recognize those who have served or who have family members serving out of left field. I’m all for patriotism and for recognizing the men and women that have served and protected the country, but this is crossing the line into overkill territory by a good five hundred miles.
There’s a way to do this. Bruno Mars at Super Bowl XLVIII did it correctly when he had military members say something before his performance of “Just The Way You Are.” On a more serious note, U2 at Super Bowl XXXVI did it correctly when they played “Where The Streets Have No Name” while the names of all the people who died on 9/11 appeared on a screen. How would you have felt if U2 literally stopped their halftime show, a message from George W. Bush appeared pre-taped, U2 brought out the family members of those killed on 9/11, and then just performed a random song afterwards with no transitioning? It’d be pretty awkward. That’s what this entire Super Bowl XXV halftime show, or at least, this segment, felt like.
Once we’re done with that segment, we get the third part of the halftime show, which is where a background from “it’s a small world” appears (NOTE: If you wanted to switch to the clearer video, since the one that I posted isn’t that clear, then this is the moment to do it, because this is the only section of the halftime show that seems to be recorded on a clear television). Mickey Mouse appears in an Uncle Sam costume (as if this halftime show couldn’t get any more patriotic), and we get a playing of “it’s a small world.” And, some of the characters that they choose to appear just seen obscure. Why is one of the three little pigs in the halftime show? Why is Winnie the Pooh in a Canadian outfit? The worst part about this is that they’re actually showing symbols from other countries. The message is kind of hallow when your last section was about fighting for America, and you had about 2,000 American flags on the field. Now, you’re just going to throw some Chinese decorations from “it’s a small world” and pretend that everything’s okay? Seems kind of tasteless to me.
After one playing of “it’s a small world” (because trust me- there’s more to come), we get a performance of “We Are the World,” which would be performed two years later at a different halftime show (if “Footloose” was the song at every 80s halftime show, then “We Are the World” is the song at every early 90s halftime show). The choreography is, once again, terrible, as the kids in the gold outfits are not swaying their arms in time. After about two lines of that, we get a different song that I have no idea about, and then we get A SECOND PLAYING OF “it’s a small world.” It came about thirty seconds after the first playing, and it’s not like there’s any sort of transitioning between the songs. Why are they doing the same song twice? Beats me.
Get this- after ELEVEN MINUTES, we finally get New Kids on the Block. Why did you wait eleven minutes to unleash the headliner? Did we really have to go through all of this Disney nonsense and these America-loving parts? This is the first time you’ve had a legitimate A-list artist at halftime of the Super Bowl; yes, Chubby Checker was famous, but there’s no way he could carry a halftime show all by himself. However, New Kids on the Block easily could’ve carried a 12-minute set. They were the biggest things in the world by 1990. I watched the “Behind the Music” on the group (because while they’re not my favorite boy band, I like a few of their songs), and it seemed like they were five times bigger than One Direction ever was, and that’s saying something. Why they’re in the show just now, I have no idea.
They get on and perform “Step by Step,” which is a good song choice. It hit #1 in 1990, and might be their signature song. I hate how the announcer says that this is to honor the armed forces children; not everything completely unrelated to the armed forces children has to honor them. Don’t tie two things together that have nothing to do with each other, especially when it seems like you already honored the armed forces children when you brought the kids out earlier that represented each branch of the military (which includes the armed forces). Really, there’s no need for that. You could’ve just said that NKOTB was coming out, and nobody would’ve questioned it.
I don’t even care that they’re lip-syncing here; there are about twenty other problems that came before this that I was infuriated with that I don’t care at this point what they’re doing. Why King Louie looks possessed in the background on the right side of the screen, I’m not sure. After a bit of “Step by Step,” they go directly into “This One’s For The Children.” And, once again, there’s no transitioning whatsoever. It’s immediate in terms of its delivery. You can’t go from that song to a song in a completely different key in a completely slower tempo with a completely different tone with no transitioning whatsoever. The group performs the song, and for some reason, there’s no child next to one of the members of the group (one of the members got two; how they managed to mess that up, I have no idea, because that’s just a basic principle of math).
Once that song is performed for all of four lines, they leave, and once again, “it’s a small world” is played. THEY PLAY THAT SONG THREE TIMES. Let’s just get a head count here: Number of times that New Kids on the Block plays one of their songs- 2. Number of times that “it’s a small world” is played- 3. THIS DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Nobody wants to hear the same song three times in three minutes. You have this headliner act that, in 1990, went on the second highest grossing tour of the year (only behind The Rolling Stones) and sold out stadiums across the country, and you have this act that has a discography that can fill a show. And yet, you decide to play “it’s a small world” for roughly the same number of minutes that they’re on stage?
In the middle of that song, the announcer then gets on the PA to ask the crowd to participate in the second card stunt, and actually gives them directions on how to perform the stunt. When the cards go up, for some reason, they don’t immediately cut to it, and the only glimpses of the cards that we get are “XXV” with a rainbow going across (it’s not even centered properly in terms of height, so the stunt wasn’t even executed well). We then see giant figurines of Disney characters, and there are 6 of them in total- 5 main characters and Pinocchio. Again, why does Pinocchio have a statue? Give it to Goofy or Minnie Mouse. When all of your statues are main characters and then, you have one that isn’t, it sticks out like a sore thumb. The show ends with Mickey saying something about the armed forces, and after fourteen painful minutes, the show is finally over. So, how would I fix this mess?
My Fix
Again, I have to work around the parameters given. I can’t just say to get Roxette for the halftime show, because that would defeat the whole purpose of the show. I can remove things, and I can make realistic additions, but I can’t change the basic premise of the entire halftime show. With previous editions of the “My Fix” segment, no matter what I did, it was going to be hard to pull off a good halftime show. Any changes were mild and moderate, and didn’t really change much about the quality of the show. For this one, though, I’m confident that my change would’ve made the halftime show not just better, but one of the top halftime shows of all-time considering the standard of the show nowadays.
Scrap everything Disney. Seriously. I’m not retaining a single Disney-related thing from this halftime show. The cheerleaders? Gone. The referees naming random NFL teams? Gone. The repetition of “it’s a small world” over and over again? Gone. I’m making this entire halftime show about New Kids on the Block. All twelve minutes of the halftime show will be featuring this boy band that was one of the hottest acts in the world at the time. If this came one year earlier at Super Bowl XXIV, then the halftime show would’ve knocked off the finale of MASH for the most viewed event of all time.
Start off with “Step By Step,” then transition into “Cover Girl.” Go into “Tonight,” then into “Hangin’ Tough,” and then follow with “You Got It (The Right Stuff)”. That should take about ten minutes or so. After all of that, you end with “This One’s For The Children,” and bring on children who’s parents are serving overseas in the war. Say something quick about that, bring out some American flags, and you have your tribute to America without going overboard and making it fit in with the halftime show. There is a way to combine the two elements of entertainment and seriousness. Disney just failed miserably at doing it.
This halftime show isn’t just bad- it might be the most head-scratching halftime show ever in terms of the decisions it makes. With Super Bowl XXIII, you were getting an Elvis impersonator. You knew it was going to be bad from the start. But with this halftime show, you’ve got an actual act in New Kids on the Block that can do a halftime show by themselves. Yet, they’re on it for two minutes. The choreography is awful. The over-the-top patriotism is awful. The pre-taped message by George H.W. Bush is unnecessary and doesn’t fit in with a halftime show style whatsoever. The stoppage in the middle of the show for the recognition of this is awful. The song choices and transitions by NKOTB are awful. The card show announcement is awful. The lyrics to the Disney songs are awful. The repetition of “it’s a small world” is awful.
And yet, I wasn’t going to put it as the worst halftime show of all time, because I thought Super Bowl XIX was worse. However, once the kid came on and sang for two whole minutes by himself, that sealed it for me. I just felt sorry for the kid by the end of that, because that was embarrassing. This whole halftime show is awful. Much like the Super Bowl XIX halftime show, there aren’t any real redeemable qualities from this one. However, unlike the Super Bowl XIX halftime show, the choreography is significantly worse, and unlike the Super Bowl XIX halftime show, you can actually see some potential for a legitimate halftime show if the Disney producers behind this had a brain and actually cared about this halftime show.
The very next year, the people that actually watched this halftime show were so fed up with the league’s choices at halftime shows that they took a stand. Ratings dipped for Super Bowl XXVI’s halftime show, and it forced the league to make their move. What was the halftime show that caused this disaster for the league? What was the halftime show that everyone else went to? How do both of those hold up? Tune in tomorrow to find out about the winter-themed head scratcher featuring Brian Boitano and Gloria Estefan.
1) Super Bowl XXII
2) Super Bowl XXI
3) Super Bowl XVIII
4) Super Bowl XXIII
5) Super Bowl XXIV
6) Super Bowl XX
7) Super Bowl XIX
8) Super Bowl XXV
Super Bowl Database
Super Bowl XVIII Review
Super Bowl XIX Review
Super Bowl XX Review
Super Bowl XXI Review
Super Bowl XXII Review
Super Bowl XXIII Review
Super Bowl XXIV Review
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2014.12.11 18:07 neutronknows Wrestling is REWIND - Episode 7

On this edition of Wrestling is REWIND… we take a trip to the midcard and look back at one of the more “unique” rivalries in WiR History between The World’s Sexiest Tag Team and “Vile” Vic Studd. Join us as we recap the one and only “DATING GAME MATCH” as “Sexy” Bruce Rodgers competes against “Vile” Vic Studd and Wrestling Observations Editor Dave Peltzer for the affections of the one and only Dixie Normus this week on Wrestling is REWIND!
Scene opens with same classic 80’s era computer graphics with tapes flying around in space and shit and some of the more iconic WiR scenes being shown on an unraveling roll of film. You get the point. The scene transitions to our hosts Derek Christian and Dave Peltzer inside their make shift ring.
Christian: Welcome fans to anoth-
Peltzer: What the fuck is this!? I thought we were doing Gwen West versus Stephen Alexander! You know an actual fucking wrestling match.
Christian: Now Dave, we’ve been over this. We’re picking matches based on their overall important to the WiR narrative. It just so happens this particular match is rather unique and unfortunately it is one of the higher rated segments in House Party history.
Peltzer: You son of a bitch. If I had known we were going to watch me make an ass of myself I would never have agreed to doing this show.
Christian: No shit. That’s why we didn’t tell you. ANYWAYS, this week on Wresling is REWIND we take you back to the June 23rd edition of House Party from the Meadowlands Expo Center in Secaucus, New Jersey. Honestly there are a lot of matches we could’ve picked this week. This card was bleeping stacked!
Peltzer: I completely agree which is why I’m wondering why the fuck we are watching an episode of the Dating Game. We could’ve watched Stephen Alexander take on Gwen West in a lighting fast encounter showcasing two of the more athetetic superstars in WiR. We could’ve watched The Strays take on the Moon Shine Boys in an incredibly entertaining bout that included the infamous “Popeye Spot”. The debut of Robert Warlock? Or shit, what about the main event? David Harvey vs. Kyle Scott vs. Ransom Ray vs. Voltage? That not enough star power for you, Derek?
Christian: My producers are telling me nothing is stopping fans from going back into the archives of and watching this absolute gem of a House Party. (OOC: Seriously top to bottom this one was very good after going back and reading it) The simple fact is seeing as how the World’s Sexiest Tag Team will be taking on The Nation of Miscegenation in just a couple weeks they thought it would make more sense to highlight the generous amount of history between Vic and Bruce. Besides, you’re not the only one that was involved with the debacle that was the Dating Game Match. Yours truly just so happened to be the host.
Peltzer: Fine. Let’s get this over with.
Christian: Fantastic! First, a little back story. The feud started with Vic’s first ever singles match after returning from a 15 year hiatus from the squared circle. An entertaining back and forth match with Gwen West that ended with her hair being lit on fire and Vic escaping with the victory. The World’s Sexiest Tag Team responded in kind by drugging Vic and parading his lifeless corpse around an actual house party hosted by Bruce Rodgers at Nana Paisner’s house. That little incident resulted in Vic being left in a single mother’s family home nursery with pancakes stuck to his chest and a used condom stuffed in his mouth. After a victory at Sorry Not Sorry for the World’s Sexiest Tag Team against Vic Studd and Jimmy Chonga the challenge was thrown out – Vic Studd versus Bruce Rodgers in a Dating Game Match with Vic wanting to prove he could beat Rodgers at his own “sexy” game.
Peltzer: Deplorable. And I resent the fact I was taken advantage of. I was in a very dark place at this time. I hadn’t yet rekindled my love with Humpback Gail and was very fragile emotionally.
Christian: I would think being with Gail now you still find yourself in a dark place, her shadow in particular. Ha!
Peltzer: Fuck you, Derek.
Christian: Well that’s enough banter. Let’s take you to the ring!
Paisner: Well ladies and gentleman, this is gonna be a harsh transition from what just happened to Sonny Carson, but its finally time for WiR’s first ever Dating Game Match between “Vile” Vic Studd, “Sexy” Bruce Rodgers, and who I’m being told is a mystery contestant!
Woodbridge: Not gonna lie. I’ve been extremely curious as to how this whole thing plays out. A shame Vic has been banned from Rhode Island. Not that he’s missing much.
Paisner: Let’s send it up to our host for the Dating Game this evening – Derek Christian!
Transition to the hard camera reveals a groovy looking set resembling the “Dating Game” from the 1970s. Derek Christian is standing on one side of the partition in front of a clear podium with a stack of index cards in front of him.
Christian: Welcome to the first ever Wrestling is Reddit… DATING GAME MATCH! First let me introduce to you our bachelors this evening!
R. Kelly’s Ignition (Remix) begins to play over the loudspeakers and out struts “Sexy” Bruce Rodgers in a suit straight out of the 1970s, looking dapper as fuck. He enters the ring via the ring steps and takes a seat in the director’s chair closest to the partition diving the bachelors from our bachelorette.
Christian: Bachelor #1 hails from New York City, New York. He is the winner of the first and only WiR Swimsuit Competition and creator of the ever annoying Bruce Rodgers 24/7 Hardcore Title. He enjoys meticulously manscaping his near hairless body, roofying middle aged men and makes a one helluva an upside down pineapple cake… ladies and gentleman may I introduce, “Sexy” Bruce Rodgers!
“I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls starts up as soon as Bruce Rodgers takes his seat and out comes “Vile” Vic Studd in a 70’s style disco suit of his own. He takes a moment to pose in the aisle way, popping his collar and pointing finger guns at the chubbiest ladies he can spot from his vantage point. He too walks up the ring steps and takes a seat next to Bruce Rodgers the two of the barely acknowledging one another’s presence.
Christian: Bachelor #2 hails from Las Vegas, Nevada. He currently resides on the TSA’s “No Fly” list and is the inventor of a wide variety of Vic-Sticks used to bludgeon minorities and the elderly. He enjoys chubby chasing, pointing out the shortcomings of others, and plays a wide variety of musical instruments including the skin flute, the knuckle fiddler and the male organ… ladies and gentleman, “Vile” Vic Studd!
The lights go out and spotlights begin scanning around the crowd. The audience rabbles in anticipation for the introduction of our mystery bachelor.
Christian: And finally Bachelor #3…
“Escape” by Rupert Holmes begins playing over the arena sound system.
Christian: From Sandwich, Massachusetts. He recently had his heart and be-hymen broken by a biker named Bertha. He is the publisher of “Wrestling Observations Newsletter” and an all around swell guy. He enjoys tentacle hentai, watching grown men in underpants do things he wishes he could and doesn’t mind when ladies take charge in the bedroom. Ladies and gentleman… Dave Peltzer!
Peltzer walks out to a smattering of applause. He slowly makes his way down the aisle, his head hanging low after having his heart broken by the biker Bertha whom he thought he shared a deep connection with... which turned out to only be a nine inch dildo in his rectum. He too is dressed in a 70’s era suit. He takes his seat furthest from the partition next to “Vile” Vic Studd.
Christian: Welcome gentleman! And now it is time to meet our… ahem… “lucky” bachelorette. To avoid her hearing about our bachelors we’ve kept her isolated from all human contact by having her stand in the Sonny Carson autograph line. She’s a single lady from right here in Secaucus, New Jersey… Dixie Normus!
Whitney Houston’s “How Will I Know” starts to play as Dixie Normus makes her way down the aisle, waving to the crowd and blowing kisses to the WiR fans with a big smile across her face. She seems genuinely stoked to be on WiR’s Dating Game. She probably isn’t the brightest balloon in the bunch. She makes her way up the ring steps and into the ring, Derek Christian helping hold the ropes open for her. She grabs a seat next to Derek Christian’s podium on the other side of the partition from Bruce Rodgers, Vic Studd and Dave Peltzer.
Christian: Well Dixie, why don’t you let our bachelors know a little about yourself?
Dixie Normus: Well, my name is Dixie. I’m from right here in Secaucus, New Jersey -
Dixie Normus: I’m 26 years old and currently in cosmetology school. I’ve won Miss Secaucus Outdoor Swap Meet for two years running… and… umm… I enjoy cat memes on tumblr?
Christian: That’s fantastic. Well let’s get this game underw-
Peltzer: Excuse me. Dixie, Bachelor #3 here. It’s my lucky number and I hope it is yours too. I just recently lost the love of my life and I think if you just give me this one chance I’m sure I can make you hap-
Dixie Normus: Ain’t nobody ask you nothin’. Psycho.
Vic leans over to Peltzer and whispers in his ear.
Studd: Pump the brakes, Dan. Damn.
Christian: Please gentleman. Refrain from speaking unless our lovely Bachelorette asks you a question. Go ahead Dixie.
Dixie Normus: Word up! Bachelor #1, I like to go out dancing. If you had to pick one song for our first dance, what would it be?
Rodgers: Oh wow what a beautiful, talented, and all around marvelous question... just like you.
Bruce winks at the hard cam.
Rodgers: I'd probably pick something equal parts sexy and classy, just like you darling.
Dixie starts giggling like a schoolgirl.
Dixie Normus: Oh stop you don't even know what I look like.
Rodgers: I don't need to, I can hear it in that sweet as homemade Grandma's apple pie voice of yours.
Studd: Just answer the fucking question already. I think this suit is giving me a rash.
Rodgers: I'd probably pick... “Boyfriend”-
Dixie Normus: Oh.. my.. GOD! That’s my absolute favorite son-
Rodgers: Don’t interrupt the King, babe.
Dixie shuts her mouth and slinks down in her chair.
Rodgers: As I was saying, it would be “Boyfriend” by Issues. Nothing beats a moshpit on the first date, ya know?
Dixie Normus: I normally don’t let boys, mosh my pit on the first date. But ok!
Canned laughter plays over the loudspeakers as everyone from the crowd to the bachelors and even Dixie and Derek look around wondering where the hell it came from.
Dixie Normus: All right then, Bachelor #2, if I had a tattoo of the United States all over my body… which area of the country would you go visit?
Studd: Well I’d probably start by launching my meat canoe into the mouth of your Mississippi River-
Dixie Normus: Oh my-
Studd: -taking a brief stop to blast the peaks of your Rocky Mountains with a load of… snow. Before I loosen up your sun belt-
Dixie Normus: Ooooo…
Studd: And make a run for the border right down into your Gulf of Vagina… I mean Mexico.
Dixie Normus: Haaaaaaay. Damn, you boys are good at this. Okay, Bachelor #3! It’s our first day and I got on some sexy lingerie. So like, uhh… its real revealing and stuff, and you can make out the centrifugalness of my body.
Peltzer starts shifting in his chair getting nervous as sweat starts to pour from his forehead as he makes an odd face.
Rodgers: What the…
Studd: Oh God damn it, Dan!
Rodgers: Did you just shit yourself?
Vic starts scooching his chair closer to Bruce to get away from the smell permeating form Dave Peltzer.
Rodgers: The fuck you think you’re doing?
Studd: Lesser of two evils.
Christian: All right, come on guys. Go ahead Dixie.
Dixie Normus: Anywho, so like, Bachelor #3, how would you turn me on?
Peltzer: Umm… well Dixie that is an excellent question. Umm, I guess I would take you into my arms as I whispered ancient Latin poetry into your ear, while we gazed at 17th century Renaissance art-
Dixie Normus: Uhhh, what the hell are you talking about?
Peltzer: I dunno... I… ummm... maybe we can watch some public television and eat fat free popcorn?
Dixie Normus: The only you’ll be turning on with that bullshit is the lights so you can get your ass up on out of my apartment!
The canned laughter noise appears again and everyone looks around before shrugging and just rolling with it.
Christian: Okay Dixie, one more question for each of our bachelors before you have to make a decision that you will most likely end up it remembering once a year for the rest of your life somewhere around your mouth area.
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2013.10.11 16:16 lovetape Week 6 Preview: St. Louis Rams (2-3) @ Houston Texans (2-3)

St. Louis Rams (2-3) at Houston Texans (2-3)
Location - Houston, TX Date - October 13, 2013 Time - 12:00PM CST TV Coverage -
Houston Texans (2-3) St. Louis Rams (2-3)
Points Per Game 18.6 (26th) 20.6 (20th)
Yds Per Game 390.8 (7th) 311.6 (29th)
Pass Yds Per Game 257.2 (13th) 245.2 (16th)
Rush Yds Per Game 133.6 (8th) 66.4 (30th)
Total First Downs 115 97
3rd Down Conversions 27/75 23/77
4th Down Conversions 3/6 5/8
Total Offensive Yds 1954 1558
Total Rushing Yds 668 332
Total Passing Yds 1286 1226
Sacks 14 11
Field Goals 7/12 8/8
Touchdowns 10 11
Time of Possession 34:49 29:40
Turnover Ratio -8 +2

Completed Games

Houston Texans (2-3) St. Louis Rams (2-3)
Week 1 Results WIN @ Chargers 31-28 WIN vs. Cardinals 27-24
Week 2 Results WIN vs.Titans 30-24 LOSS @ Falcons 24-31
Week 3 Results LOSS @ Ravens 9-30 LOSS @ Cowboys 7-31
Week 4 Results LOSS vs. Seahawks 23-20 LOSS vs. 49ers 11-35
Week 5 Results LOSS @ 49ers 34-3 WIN vs. Jaguars 34-20


Player Att Comp Yds Comp % Yds/Att TD TD % INT INT % Long Sck Sack/Lost Rating
Matt Schaub 212 135 1366 63.7 6.4 8 3.8 9 4.2 32 12 95 76.9
T.J. Yates 5 3 15 60.0 3.0 0 0.0 0 0.0 5 0 0 64.6
Sam Bradford 216 126 1315 58.3 6.1 10 4.6 3 1.4 47 13 89 85.7
Johnny Hekker 1 0 0 0.0 0.0 0 0.0 0 0.0 -- 0 0 39.6


Player Att Yds Yds/Att Long TD Player Att Yds Yds/Att Long TD
Arian Foster 97 390 4.0 17 1 Daryl Richardson 55 162 2.9 13 0
Ben Tate 41 256 6.2 60 0 Zac Stacy 15 82 5.5 12 0
Cierre Wood 3 9 3.0 5 0 Benny Cunningham 14 35 2.5 9 0
Shiloh Keo 1 8 8.0 8 0 Sam Bradford 13 26 2.0 23 0
Matt Schaub 1 5 5.0 5 0 Isaiah Pead 7 21 3.0 11 0
T.J. Yates 1 0 0.0 0 0 Tavon Austin 4 10 2.5 7 0
Chris Givens 1 -4 -4.0 -4 0


Player Rec Yds Yds/Rec Long TD Player Rec Yds Yds/Rec Long TD
Andre Johnson 37 407 11.0 27 0 Tavon Austin 23 156 6.8 25 2
Owen Daniels 24 252 10.5 28 3 Austin Pettis 22 222 10.1 31 4
DeAndre Hopkins 22 293 13.3 30 1 Jared Cook 20 266 13.3 47 2
Arian Foster 18 126 7.0 31 1 Chris Givens 15 251 16.7 47 0
Garrett Graham 15 141 9.4 31 3 Lance Kendricks 15 127 8.5 18 2
Ben Tate 11 35 3.2 8 0 Daryl Richardson 11 86 7.8 19 0
Keshawn Martin 6 92 15.3 32 0 Isaiah Pead 9 61 6.8 14 0
DeVier Posey 4 34 8.5 14 0 Brian Quick 6 95 15.8 28 0
Greg B. Jones 1 1 1.0 1 0 Benny Cunningham 2 23 11.5 17 0
Cory Harkey 2 23 11.5 17 0
Mike McNeill 1 5 5.0 5 0


Player Comb Total Assist Sck Fumb Player Comb Total Assist Sck Fumb
Brian Cushing 39 30 9 1.5 1 Alec Ogletree 36 32 4 0.0 2
J.J. Watt 28 20 8 3.5 0 James Laurinaitis 36 30 6 0.0 0
Kareem Jackson 20 18 2 0.0 0 Rodney McLeod 26 22 4 0.0 0
Danieal Manning 20 17 3 1.0 0 Janoris Jenkins 24 22 2 0.0 0
Whitney Mercilus 22 16 6 4.5 0 T.J. McDonald 18 15 3 0.0 0
Brooks Reed 20 13 7 1.0 0 Robert Quinn 15 14 1 5.0 3
Johnathan Joseph 13 13 0 0.0 0 Cortland Finnegan 14 14 0 0.0 0
Darryl Sharpton 15 12 3 0.0 0 Michael Brockers 13 11 2 1.5 1
Joe Mays 18 11 7 0.0 0 Trumaine Johnson 13 10 3 0.0 0
D.J. Swearinger 12 10 2 0.0 0 Chris Long 12 10 2 1.5 1
Shiloh Keo 10 9 1 0.0 0 Will Witherspoon 11 10 1 0.0 0
Antonio Smith 10 7 3 2.5 1 Matt Giordano 9 8 1 0.0 1
Ed Reed 8 7 1 0.0 0 Eugene Sims 8 7 1 1.0 0
Justin Tuggle 4 4 0 0.0 1 Kendall Langford 8 6 2 1.0 0
Eddie Pleasant 4 4 0 0.0 0 Ray-Ray Armstrong 5 5 0 0.0 0
Earl Mitchell 11 3 8 0.0 0 Darian Stewart 6 4 2 0.0 1
Jared Crick 6 3 3 0.0 0 Daren Bates 4 4 0 0.0 0
Brandon Harris 3 3 0 0.0 0 Jermelle Cudjo 4 3 1 0.0 0
Brice McCain 4 2 2 0.0 0 William Hayes 3 3 0 1.0 0
A.J. Bouye 2 2 0 0.0 0 Matt Conrath 3 3 0 0.0 0
Bryan Braman 2 2 0 0.0 0 Stedman Bailey 2 2 0 0.0 0
Andre Johnson 2 2 0 0.0 0 Chase Reynolds 2 2 0 0.0 0
Ryan Griffin 2 2 0 0.0 0 Benny Cunningham 2 2 0 0.0 0
Willie Jefferson 2 1 1 0.0 0 Scott Wells 1 1 0 0.0 0
Duane Brown 1 1 0 0.0 0 Jo-Lonn Dunbar 1 1 0 0.0 0
T.J. Yates 1 1 0 0.0 0 Brandon McGee 1 1 0 0.0 0
Owen Daniels 1 1 0 0.0 0 Gerald Rivers 1 1 0 0.0 0
Jon Weeks 1 1 0 0.0 0
Ben Tate 1 1 0 0.0 0
Terrell McClain 1 1 0 0.0 0
Wade Smith 1 1 0 0.0 0
Shane Lechler 1 1 0 0.0 0
DeAndre Hopkins 1 1 0 0.0 1
TEAM TOTAL 293 227 66 14 4 TEAM TOTAL 286 251 35 11 9

Defensive Interceptions

Player Int Yds Yds/Int Long TD Player Int Yds Yds/Int Long TD
Brian Cushing 1 18 18.0 18 1 Matt Giordano 1 82 82.0 82 1
Johnathan Joseph 1 1 1.0 1 0 Trumaine Johnson 1 29 29.0 29 0
James Laurinaitis 1 0 0.0 0 0
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2012.02.23 18:24 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: This is ERIK GRIFFIN aka MONTEZ from WORKAHOLICS

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2012-02-23
Link to submission
Link to my post
Questions Answers
What's the tightest thing in the world? A baby ants butthole.
You have any tickets? I'll give you a t-shirt. But seriously, how is the environment working on the set, especially from the perspective as someone who's not blake/anders/adam? What has been your best memory so far on the show? Maribeth (Alice), Jillian and I have a blast! our dressing rooms are in the same area. The whole crew is great its very easy, comfortable and HELLA FUN!
What has been your favorite episode to do? why? Who do you think is the funniest? The Clippers tickets! Anytime I have to get naked I LOVE IT!
I have never watched the show - should I??????????? OF COURSE YOU SHOULD!
How long did it take to grow your mustache? Also, does Blake Anderson's hair intimidate your mustache or are they allies and enjoy activities together, including but not limited to a joint time-share and jet ski outings? They have an off and on again relationship. The Stache, he likes to be called that, is a real diva!
Man you're one of the best characters on the show! How much of the show is improvised versus tightly scripted? Probably 80% script. They always ask me to do the script version first, then have a little fun. But the scripts are very funny, there are a ton of laughs at the table reads.
Do you feel the show will remain as successful as it has? The writers work very hard, and the FANS are so supportive, its a good match, I think we have a few more years in us.
Right on, I'm glad to hear that. Follow up question, Where do you see the show going in the coming years? SPIN OFF!!!!
6 seasons and a movie! From Reddit to Gods ears.
Is Waymond in real life anything like he is on the show? Does he ever talk? Thats confidential information.
YOU SAID NO RULES! Like not following the rules of no rules is No rules too, you dig?
You tweet fairly often about doing standup in CA. Have you ever had a chance to or have any plans to take your standup on the road? How about anyone else on the show? CHeck my website for dates, I do stand up all over the place. Thanks for asking that one! :)
Out of Anders, Adam, and Blake which one is the most like their character from the show? ADam.
Where is the best place to hide a body? Eat it.
How were you able to transition from Montez into your Character in the McDonalds commercial where you laugh at that guy whose girlfriend calls him embarrassing names? Im like Pacino on a Commercial Set, just ask me where to laugh and lean and its on!
Do you really see Blake's dick? Blake' Dick? You say it like he walks around set with his dick out, and I think you mean Adam, when he did the most epic TV tuck back in history.
Was there a back and forth with S&P about the tuck back that ended with him shaving his pubes to get clearance or was he already porn ready and was it was just lucky? I am not that knowledgable about Adams cock area, sorry, but if I had to guess I think he is always porn ready.
How much do I have to pay you to steal the bear coat and give it to me? Where did you guys even get that thing, and did Blake get to keep it? Does he wear it around in real life? That coat is a trip, i really wanted it! That was improv when I asked him for it.
Hey Mr. Griffin, in Season 2 episode 2 "Dry Guys" the stripper with the blurred face dancing for the guys, was that Jillian? I actually dont know, you making me want to find out. I will text Jillian and find out! thanks for that.
How many fingers can you fit up your butthole? Gimme a sec I will find out.
How tight is your butthole? If I am being honest, it could be tighter, it could be tighter.
You really looking for love from a dude named Bearded Ax Wound?? Hahaha. I am glad you laughed at that one. :)
Have you ever smacked a bass? Honestly I didnt even know what that was in the script, it said, sing RnB style, "we be smackin bass"
Joint, glass pipe, or vape? I like it on a salad with a apple vinaigrette.
What kind of cameras are used to shoot the show? How long does each episode take? Will we see a full on Montez episode one day soon? I am not sure about the cameras sorry, we usually shoot tuesday - friday and we can only hope there is a full on Montez hour long brought to you by Chevy christmas episode.
How often do they have to do retakes because someone couldn't keep themselves from laughing? The scene Adam is going crazy about getting fired, I couldnt stop laughing in one of those takes, its a scene they cut out. But that happens sometimes, especially with Jillian that lady is HILARIOUS!
Have you ever thought that doing a show such as Workaholics would limit your future acting career? Meaning that you would only get picked for that type of role, much like Michael Cera and Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill, for examples? Man all the people you named are pretty successful, so I can only hope i stand out in whatever I do.
Does anybody from the show actually drive the America car featured in 'The Ders' episode? That car actually belonged to the brother of the AD.
How do you feel when people spell your name with a c? O M G!! i freaking hate that, its my name ya know! thanks for letting me vent!
What was the funniest moment that you had on screen? What was the funniest off screen? Also, I love the show. Seriously, Please PLEASE let's keep this ball rolling for as long as we can. P.s Did you get to keep the America car that the guys stole? I think Sting Ray coochie was pretty funny and that car belonged to the ADs brother.
How much do you get paid? What's CC like to work for? Audition, 2 mmmmmm 3. Its a great job,
Thanks. Why do you think they chose you? Did you have friends there or was your audition just so spectacular that they had no choice? They looked at a bunch of people, i just really wanted it, it clicked it worked and hear I am!
Sup? Sup back at you.
How high is everybody on the set? No high? Very Very profesional set. So SUPER HIGH!! haha jk.
What's the least amount of money you'd accept to blow a guy? Thats a two part question, so no to the first part :)
Are you actually black? Ish.
I heard that a good portion of the show is improv. Is this true at all? Nope. most of the show is scripted we just add tags but the foundation of what we say is in the script. For Instance, I added, love will sustain you and Lord of the Rangs.. but most of what was said before that was all written. The staff is dope!
Can you really make beats with your hand farts? YES! thats was my first talent!
Favourite NHL team? FLAMES!
Erik, I am reading your responses and seriously laughing at every single one. Will you ever be coming to Vancouver? I hope so! Stay tuned!
Do any of you guys actually smoke on set? NO! ha imagine?
Are you going to be at Bonnaroo this year? Not sure.
How has the "Boy Scout Rule of D's" affected you in day to day life? Yeah I have seen way to many dicks!
Has your weight been an issue in hollywood for you? I think it works for you, but have you been asked to lose weight to obtain any roles? Thanks for calling me fat. yeah you did, dont deny it. :) Im teasing, I know i am a big guy, but I feel like my funny is in my face. I have lost a ton of weight so look out for the new me! Hollywood will tell you loose weight dont loose weight, its a crap shoot.
You are too cool to still be replying. most celebs give up after a few hours. still do stand up? coming to DC anytime soon? I was just in Baltimore a few months back.
Every episode there is always a sign pointing at whoever is visiting blake, adam and anders cubicle and it says something different every time. Is there anything else like this hidden in the episodes that you know of? At my cubicle there are gay pride parade pictures. The art department is soooo funny. (sarcasm)
Not a question. You're my Facebook friend and you wished me a happy birthday. I was crying at the time and then got that notification and was like "fuck yeah not only is it my birthday,Erik griffin just wished me a happy birthday minutes into the day!" Now here is the question. Do you think if you get more tv time you'll stop doing standup? Keep smiling first of all and second I love stand up and will always want to do it. Keep smiling first of all and second I love stand up and will always want to do it.
How does Blake's hair stay like that? Does a stylist have to fix it every few minutes, or is it so hair-sprayed that it just doesn't even move? Also, do you know if he even needs a pillow when he sleeps? I ask the same thing on set. His hair is magic.
I'm in my 30s, why should I watch your show? So you can remember how fun your 20s were and keep yourself feeling young.
How do you eat a pickle? Hands Free.
Is there a lot of sexual tension between you and Jillian on the set? This made me LOL! Im going to show her this one!
Whats been you best story/funniest moment while on set? I wrote this earlier, but one moment i remember is before i was even cast for the part, I showed up a day early on accident, and I was roaming around looking for the audition and I ran into Blake, he said you must be here for Montez, thats tomorrow. He says that he went to the writers room and said, "I think i just met Montez" TRUE STORY!
Is the show shot in rancho cucamonga? Or just based there. We shoot in Burbank.
Did you get tickets to Whitney Houston's funeral? Front Row!
What's the favorite thing you've done on Workaholics? A scene that got cut out that i make reference to being like rambo in the garage fridge episode, I hope it makes the dvd.
HAHAHAHA No joke, me and my roommates got so stoked when we saw you on that McDonald's commercial in the background. We were so excited that Montez was getting work, because without you Erik, Workaholics just wouldn't be the same. "Unless she's doing maintenance from the front seat, and you know I'm talkin about road head." My question for you would be how fuckin' American did it really feel in that car you 'won at the mall'? Like I was Captain fucking America!! And thanks.
Are you as much of a badass as you SEEM? YOU WANT TO GO BITCH!!! no not at all.
Is the third season going to be delayed because of Blake's back injury? No we are right on schedule.
Recently I've been seeing you for commercials for Charter Cable with Sam Bradford back in my hometown. Is this just your way of making a little extra money on the side? Yeah thats my side cash!
Montez! Can you please give me a shout out? Shout out!
Are adam blake and anders cool in person? Super Cool.
When you smoke weed on the show, is it real weed? What if it was, should I be saying that publicly?? haha and NO its not real.
Eat it. I heard...
Last updated: 2012-02-27 16:00 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
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2007.01.16 20:06 datasta1 Whitney Houston Dates Golden Shower Ray-J

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2007.01.15 17:48 theone22 Whitney Houston dating singer Ray J caught leaving dinner!

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I Will Aiways Love You, sung by J. Ray C. Ray J Admits He Played Whitney Houston For Fame - YouTube Ray J ft Lil Kim - Wait A Minute - YouTube Ray J - One Wish (Lyrics) if i had one wish The Dark Truth About Kim Kardashian Ray J Tape Finally ... J'ray - You (Official audio) RAY J Arrested at Beverly Hills Hotel (5/30/14) BET Video Vibrations - YouTube For The Love Of Ray J

  1. I Will Aiways Love You, sung by J. Ray C.
  2. Ray J Admits He Played Whitney Houston For Fame - YouTube
  3. Ray J ft Lil Kim - Wait A Minute - YouTube
  4. Ray J - One Wish (Lyrics) if i had one wish
  5. The Dark Truth About Kim Kardashian Ray J Tape Finally ...
  6. J'ray - You (Official audio)
  7. RAY J Arrested at Beverly Hills Hotel (5/30/14)
  8. BET Video Vibrations - YouTube
  9. For The Love Of Ray J
  10. Ray J - One Wish - YouTube

Kim Kardashian Reveals The Truth About The Release Of Her Tape With Ray J In Richardson A9 Issue Subscribe to our channel: It’s hard to... Sign in to like videos, comment, and subscribe. Sign in. Watch Queue Queue - Ray J admits he is a scumbag! Provided to YouTube by Create Music Group For The Love Of Ray J · Ray J For The Love Of Ray J ℗ 2009 eOne Music Released on: 2009-03-24 Auto-generated by YouTube. J, Ray C, winner of the voice competition at Martin County Fair 2014 singing 'I Will Always Love You' J'ray - Peperenpe (Official Video) - Duration: 3:22. J'ray Recommended for you. ... Whitney Houston Recommended for you. 4:26. Omi In The Hellcat *Popular YouTuber* LOSES 50 Million after FEDS ... Ray J Official Website: © 2015 Knockout Entertainment All Rights Reserved. Check Out Ray J's latest single 'Curtains Closed' https://itunes.a... Ray J ft Lil Kim - Wait A Minute 50+ videos Play all Mix - Ray J - One Wish (Lyrics) if i had one wish YouTube Love Dont Change - Jeremih (Lyrics) - Duration: 4:07. Shierlly Medina Recommended for you According to TMZ, a women accused Ray J of grabbing her butt at Beverly Wilshire hotel on Friday, May 30. Someone called 911 to report a sexual battery, which led to an altercation and Ray J's ...